


What Was Not Expected

by xxsilverlist



Series: We Choose Our Family [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anorexia, Cards Against Humanity, Christmas, College, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sappy, Secret Relationship, Swearing, Sydney - Freeform, The Hemmings Family - Freeform, There is sass, Triggers, at the end, blink and you might miss it, bryana is there at the end, calum is a bit rude, lots of swearing, starts off a bit slow, theres malum because reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 61,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3940420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsilverlist/pseuds/xxsilverlist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessie had the once in a lifetime chance to meet 5SOS, unexpectedly she finds herself friends with the boys. Soon the secrets begin to pour out. And maybe Luke really likes her.</p><p>Or the one where Michael and Calum are secretly dating, Luke falls in love, and Ashton keeps things from the boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stadium Run Ins

**Author's Note:**

> All Jessie wants to do is not be bored, meet some new people, have exciting things happen to her; Not meet celebrities.

I sit behind the bar playing with shot glasses, questioning my choice on accompanying my aunt to her job. She works at Cardinal stadium, manager of hospitality or some shit like that. Either way she's abandoned me for meetings, leaving me with her coworker and rows of beer and liquor. I shouldn't even be in the bar area yet here I am instead of doing better things. `

Said coworker is FaceTiming her boyfriend. Blonde hair pulled back, shirt pulled down low. I vaguely remember her name being Nicki. I watch her through a shot glass, bored out of my mind. She catches me staring and casually flips me off. I pout before taking out my phone, I guess scrolling through Instagram will have to sate my boredom. 

"Jessie!" I hear my name being called. I turn towards the noise and see a short figure running towards me, black hair streaming behind.

"Jade!", I halfheartedly yell out. Who the hell let the twelve year old into the bar? Oh yea my aunt. And yeah I might have supposed to have been babysitting her.

I stare at my niece as she comes to a halt. We couldn't be more different: she's short at 5'4 while I'm taller than my whole family at 5'10, she's into photography and, well I'm into books and comics. I'm nineteen, she's twelve. Her hair is the color onyx while mines been dyed so many times I don't remember it's natural state. She's my only girl cousin so I protect and treat her like a little sister. The only thing we share in common is our blood basically. That and our love for a certain Australian band.

"Jessica! Are you even listening to me?" My niece says snapping her fingers in front of my face. Whoa, when did she get on top of the bar stool.  
"No, what's going on?" I ask, curious as to what would get my niece so worked up.

Nicki shoots us a look, grabbing a bottle of wine before moving to a back room. Jade sticks her tongue out at Nicki's retreating figure, making me smile. I guess we share that in common too.

"As I was saying, there's like crazy security. Even more then when the teams here. I had to show them the badge mom gave me just so they could let me in," Jade says in one breath, holding out the security pass my aunt had given both Jade and I so we can walk around the stadium as we please.

"Why are you even here Jade?" I question, not to be rude but I distinctly remember Jade's dad is supposed to have her for the weekend.

"Dad got called in to a job. Said mom should understand 'bout having to keep a job." I realize I asked the wrong question as my niece's eyes begin to water. I forget sometimes that her parents recent divorce has been hard on her. My aunts new boyfriend didn't help Jade either. 

It was why I was in Phoenix in the first place. My aunt had called asking to help out with my niece and nephews. I remember her saying,"Your moving over for college in two months anyways, might as well make it a month sooner. I'll pay you $75 a week to take of them."  
It had been easy in the end. The two boys usually spent their days with their other cousins or playing video games. I truly only had to watch after Jade. Even that was easy at times. After three weeks of her whining and attitude though my sanity has run thin, and I'm about this close to locking her up in one of the restaurants.  
Still, I didn't like seeing her cry. I walk around, out of the bar and towards where she's sitting. I sit next to her trying to come up with something to take her mind off her mom and dad.

I notice she has her fancy camera that her dad had gotten her last Christmas and I have my grand plan set. 

"Hey can I see your camera?"

"Yea," Jade sulks, sliding her camera towards me. Too easy.

I grab the camera taking rapid fire pictures of her. I twirl in the seat and take more before hopping off the stool. "Bet you can't catch me!" I yell, turning on my heel.

"What? Jessie! That's not fair, give me my camera back."

"Catch me and I will!" I throw back. I know it's childish, but it'll probably cheer her up. Or at the very least get her mad at me.

I pick up speed and start running down the halls. I can hear her screaming my name further down behind me. I'm faintly aware of the other workers giving us dirty looks, even the ones that are nice to us. I wonder why they're all so uptight today. Jade's right, there are security at almost every corner, even when the football players are here they only guard the exits and entrances. 

After a couple more twists and turns and a short trip down a flight of stairs, I don't hear Jade anymore. I figured I've lost her. I slow down now, aware that I'm out of breath and sweaty. Gross.

I should probably find those shower rooms the players use, I think to myself. I walk down a hallway, noticing how empty it is. There's usually mangers or sports officials down here, what the hell? My confusion grows as I try one of the doors to a locker room and find it locked. That's weird, these things are never locked during the summer. 

I'm about halfway down the hall when I hear," Jessica, if you don't give me my camera right now, so help me...!"

I turn my head and see Jade at the other end, hands on hips and a scowl on her face. Oh shit, she's mad. Is all my brains registers before I'm running again.

I run down the hall, hearing curses I never thought a twelve year old could say. I turn right and attempt to look back, I don't hear her anymore, but that could mean she just stopped yelling. I press on lowering my head.

I'm just about to look forward again when I hear someone shout out,"Hey watch out -"

And I crash into something. 

Hard.


	2. Dressing Room Chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running into people hurts, a lot.

I hit something or someone hard causing the, most likely, person and I to fall down. I land on top, camera digging into my side.

"Fucking hell, mate. Watch where you're going." I hear a the person say. The accent familiar, yet not. "Uh, can you get off me? Not to be rude or anything but that damn thing hurts."

"Oh shit yea," I mumble rolling off and grabbing the camera.

"Calum! The fuck you doing on the floor?" I hear another voice say.  
I brush imaginary dirt off my shirt, slowly figuring things out. _Calum, weird accents..._  
My eyes snap up and then down to reach the eyes of the two guys standing before me. Holy crap!  
I mentally panic at the sight of half of 5 Seconds of Summer. I take in the sight of a certain blue haired boy helping up a slightly angry looking Calum. My brain short circuits at the sight of arm muscles flexing. God they're fit.

I shake myself, wondering if maybe I did play some drinking game with Nicki and now I'm hallucinating. No, no they're still there staring at me.  
Fuck they're staring at me. Act cool.

"Uh hi?" I squeak out.

I see the two boys relax, probably thinking that I was going to start screaming. "Hey," they both say, Michael giving a bit of a wave.

"I'm not going to freak out on you," I blurt out causing both boys to burst out laughing.

"So you just snuck in here to stalk us?" Calum says, gesturing to the camera in my hands. He looks slightly annoyed, either because I made him fall or because he thinks a stray fan snuck in and came to ruin their day.

"No, no it's my niece's. I sort of stole it from her to cheer her up, but I seem to have lost her," I stutter, failing at trying to keep my voice from shaking. I mentally smack myself, the truth sounding as good as a horrible lie.

"Well I don't think stealing your niece's fancy camera would make her happy," Michael retorts, probably thinking I'm a load of crap.

"Look I know I look like some deranged stalker, but my aunt works here and she dragged me here to help out. Turns out that meant babysitting and watching the other girl get drunk." I say digging out my own security pass. Good thing I kept the damn thing in my back pocket.

"Wait your Yvonne's niece?" Calum asks, anger fading a bit from his eyes. I notice they both visibly relax. 

"Yea," I drag out.

"We did meet her, she showed us our little hide out about an hour ago."

"Yea, that's her, probably attempted some bad flirting and an offer to get you guys a beer?" I question already knowing the answer.

Michael giggles nodding his head,"Yep, that's exactly what she did." Calum nods too, a smile on his face.

I think fast, not exactly ready to leave these to two boys yet,"How bout I get you guys those beers?"

"That sounds great actually," Michael agrees quickly.

Calum nudges his side, giving him a look. "You know we're not supposed to be drinking, we're not legal here."

I smile at them," I won't tell anyone, and what's one beer going to do?" I'm probably going to get into trouble for this later, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Michael turns to Calum, giving Calum a perfect puppy dog face. Calum crosses his arms, attempting to stare down his bandmate. It's a lost cause and both Calum and I know it.  
"Damnit Clifford," Calum sighs in defeat. When I look at him though, he's smiling, a fond look on his face.

I take down what they want and what room they're in before heading back to the bar. Luckily the bar is empty, no aunts, nieces, or Nickis in sight. I grab a bottle of lemonade for me and the boys' beer without anyone seeing me. I casually make my way to the boys' room, humming.  
************************************  
When I get back to the room there's laughter and what sounds like a guitar playing. I knock on the door, unsure whether I'd still be welcomed at all.

"Come in," Calum yells.

I open the door and walk in. Calum is sitting on the couch, guitar on his lap, a smile on his face. Michael sits across from him on the floor looking equally amused.

"Talking about me boys?" I tease because I don't know what else to say.

I see the boys cheeks redden and I laugh handing them their beers. "Thanks," the both mutter.

"So," I start, hoping I'm not overstepping,"Mind if I sit and chat with you guys?"

Calum snaps his head up, brown eyes piercing into mine. "I guess so. Just don't tweet about where we are."

Michael nods in agreement as I sit awkwardly on the table.

"Christ no, I wouldn't dare," I say struggling to open the lemonade bottle.

"Here let me," Michael murmurs, reaching for the bottle.

"That obvious huh?"

Both boys laugh and Michael hands the bottle back, cap off and all.

"You're not like the other fans we've ran into this week," Calum says taking a sip of his beer,"Oh and thanks for the drinks, love."  
My heart flips a bit at the love part but I manage to stay where I'm seated. "Thanks I guess for both statements."  
"What my ass of a friend means is that by now other girls would be crying or screaming," Michael elaborates, resting his head lightly on my leg. Dude really was like a kitten. "Or trying to sleep with us. Our fans are great, its just we wanted some privacy."

"Oh, well then I'm flattered," I say honestly. Just because their famous doesn't mean I'm going to spaz out and start screaming and crying. At least not in front of them. I tell them exactly that and get another round of laughs from them.

I stand up to leave, not wanting to over stay my chance at getting to meet and talk with them.

"Where you going?" Calum asks, a slight pout on his lips. Damn boy.

"Um back to the bar," I state.  
"Do you have to absolutely go back?" Michael asks looking up at me and then to Calum. They stare at each for a moment, a silent conversation playing out. Calum tilts his head to the side giving a nod.  
I shake my head,"No, not really."

"Then stay," Calum says pointing to the couch.

On the inside I practically die from excitement, mentally dancing around the room. On the outside I merely smile and sit next to Calum.  
***********************************  
"So are you naturally a redhead Jess?" Michael smirks from his spot on the floor. How is his butt not numb yet?

"Just as natural as your blue hair," I retort. We've all been sitting and talking for about an hour now and I haven't gotten used to the fact the I'm talking to freaking Calum Hood and Michael Clifford.

"True babe, true," Michael laughs falling onto his back. Damn them and their pet names.

"Where's Luke and Ashton, if you don't me asking," I ask, stupidly looking around the room.

Calum lies down, putting his feet on my lap before answering," They're in L.A soul searching or some crap like that." I feel honored that their comfortable enough around me to act like themselves.

"Yeah, they wanted to take in some California air," Michael adds with air quotations, indicating that those were the blondes' words not theirs.

"And you guys are in Phoenix because..?"

Calum snorts stretching on the couch, heels digging into my thighs. "We're here 'cause we like Phoenix better than LA. It's more quieter, more calm." the dark haired boy whispers the last part, shutting his eyes.

I look at Michael, who also has his eyes closed. I nudge him with my foot,"But why hang out here in the stadium?"

"Because, I don't know, it seemed like a cool idea" Michael answers knitting his eyebrows together, making his piercing move.  
"See it was fate," I tease, "you guys were meant to meet me."

Calum smirks through half lidded eyes and Michael giggles, peeling himself off the floor and throwing himself onto Calum.

"Get off me, you heavy piece of shit," Calum whines pushing Michael's chest. I laugh at the sight of them.

Michael just laughs and scoots closer. both boys have their feet on me and the heel of their shoes is starting to hurt. I pick up their feet and move to floor.  
"Jessie! Where are you?" I hear Jade's voice and groan. Funs over.

"In here," I yell back, making a face at Calum and Michael.

Jade walks in still mad. "Give me my camera back! Mom says you have to or you have to babysit all three of us at the house. No car." I cringe at her words, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Here I am getting scolded by a twelve year old.

Michael laughs, sitting up. That's when Jade finally pays attention to the other guests in the room. "Oh my god, you're you and your-" she points to Calum then Michael before covering her mouth.

I sigh knowing what's to come.

Jade shrieks and hops up and down looking like a penguin trying to fly. she reaches out to me, slapping my arm. "Why didn't you tell me they were here!"

I join Michael and Calum in laughing at my niece, who has now gone from shrieking and waving hands to silent gaping.  
I elbow her in her side before saying,"Jade be polite, no one wants to see your teeth."

She closes her mouth, giving me a dirty look. "Um hi. Sorry for the freaking out, it's not everyday you meet your idols." the look she gives them is pure sweetness. That kiss ass.  
"It's all good. I take it your Jess' niece then?" Calum asks raising his eyebrows at me.

Jade nods, "Uh can I hug you guys?" Girl has no shame apparently.

The boys nod and Jade runs into their arms. "Don't just stand there! Take pictures," Jade orders.

I roll my eyes, "Don't order me around. I just might delete them later." I take pictures of all three of them and then a couple of Jade with each one of them.

I hand the camera back to Jade and then look at the boys. It seems like our time together has ran out. "Mind taking some pictures with me too?"

"Yes," Michael jokes before slinging an arm around me. I take photos on my phone with them before demanding that Jade take a couple on her camera.

I'm looking through the photos when I hear Calum clear his throat. I look up right as he speaks,"If you guys could hold off posting any of the photos until Monday that'd be lovely."  
I nod pinching Jade when she's about to complain about why not. Out of the corner of my eye I see Michael move towards another door.

"Hey Jess," Michael calls from the door that connects to the bathroom. "What's your Twitter handle?"

I laugh before walking over to him. He pulls up Twitter and I type my handle into the phone. I watch as he hits the follow button. Wow, that just happened.

"Wait," Michael says in a low voice, stopping me from walking away. He looks over to Calum who's signing Jade's shirt before whispering,"If you could see us anywhere, where would it be?"  
I stare at him before stupidly saying,"Like in concert?" He raises a brow at me before letting out a laugh. "Yeah."

I think for a moment before answering,"In Sydney, where it all started."

"Done." is all he says before walking into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. I stare at door confused until Jade breaks my thoughts.

"Jessie, come on, Calum and Michael need to get back to their hotel and we need to get back home."

I say bye to Calum, pulling him into a hug because why not? I watch Calum move towards the bathroom door knocking on it sharply. I feel Jade tug on my shirt, time to leave.  
I close the door behind me and start walking.

"What did Michael ask you?" Jade asks, looking up at me, the smile she's had on her face since meeting the boys still stuck.

I debate lying to her or telling the truth. I decide to answer honestly,"He asked where would I like to see them in concert. I said Sydney," I look down at her, she's already looking like she going to start screaming again. "Hey but look, it's probably not going to happen. This was like a once in a lifetime chance. By the time they leave here they're gunna forget who we are, let alone remember a half promise for concert tickets."

"Oh," is all Jade says, fumbling around with her camera.

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up, be grateful you got to meet them and take pictures." I say this both for Jade and for I. It won't help getting our hopes up for something that most likely won't happen.  
***********************************  
Two weeks later Jade and I are editing the photos we took with Michael and Calum when my aunt walks in with a shit eating grin on her face. Her green eyes glinting as she slowly sets down her sunglasses and purse. She leans over the counter and looks at her red painted nails.

"So I go to open the bar this afternoon and there's this envelope under a twelve pack of Coroña, addressed to Jess and Jade." My aunt raises a brow at us.  
Jade and I share a look of disbelief. They honestly couldn't have remembered. Could they?  
My aunt slides an envelope in our direction a smirk on her face. She walks away, the sound of her heels resonate.  
I open the envelope:

Three plane tickets to Sydney, Australia , two front row seats and VIP passes sit in the envelope along with a note that says;

We enjoyed your company, Ash and Luke want to meet you two. Come and enjoy the show in Sydney!  
\- Michael and Cal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter yay! thoughts anyone?


	3. Sydney Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie flies to Sydney and airports are a pain.

**2 1/2 Months later**

"Jade we leave in the morning, you better be packed!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm almost done!" My niece calls back, making it clear that she hasn't started packing at all. I roll my eyes, setting my luggage down.

Its been two and a half months since we received the tickets to 5SOS's Sydney show. Two and half months since Jade and I met Calum and Michael. I smile at the memory of showing my friends the photos I had taken with them, never really posting them on my twitter or instagram. Jade did of course, both of her and I . The rest of our family had wondered why the boys had taken pity on us and given us the tickets. I had gladly waved the tickets in the air, shutting up my family. 

Or as my cousin had put it, "How did they not call security on you guys, like look at you!" My parents had been the most disbelieving, only finally believing Jade and I when my aunt told the family it had actually happened.

Sometimes I still couldn't believe it had happened. I open up my twitter some nights and just make sure that there's the @Michael5SOS and @Calum5SOS follow you is next to their bios. I run my hand through my now faded red hair, and kick my luggage softly. I was now relocated, and had just come back to Phoenix about three days ago and never really unpacked, just staring at the bag I had packed for our four day vacation makes me excited.

My phone beeps as I walk up the stairs to Jade and I's room, I can hear her brothers yelling something about which game to play on the Xbox, luckily they're staying with they're dad, rolling my eyes I take my phone out of my back pocket.  
Its a both a tweet and a DM.

_**A tweet from Calum:** _   
_**Cant wait for a friend to see us in Sydney!** _

and a DM from Michael:  
**_Cant wait to see you two in a few days! Sorry we haven't been in touch much:(_**

I walk into Jade's room, a little stunned at the messages.I sigh at at the sight of Jade sitting on her desk. Of course Jade hasn't packed, an empty suitcase taking up most of the space on her bed, the rest of the bed covered in clothes and shoes. I plop down on the floor instead, throwing a shoe at Jade, who's currently on Facebook.  
"Guess what," I stage whisper.

"What?" Jade replies, not bothering to look at me.

"Guess," I say again.

"Um, the boys decided they don't want you to go so they're just flying me and mom to Sydney?" She says, finally turning around.  
I scoff at her, shoving my phone under her nose, "Does that look like they don't want me in Sydney?"

Jade's eyes widen at the messages. Neither boy has tweeted or messaged me since the day after we met them. They had both ominously tweeted about making a kids day and meeting a laid back person before Michael had tweeted two weeks later, after we got the tickets, mentioning me; @jessiex_ hope you liked the gift. That had stirred up a bit of drama on twitter, causing me to go from unknown to girl of the day. They boys hadn't contacted me after that, until now.

"Well reply to them Jess!"

"I'm going," I exclaim, unlocking the phone. I carefully avoid Calum's tweet, knowing that it was probably meant to be ominous, and click on Michael's message. "What do I put back?"

Jade rolls her eyes at me, "Your asking the twelve year old? Oh right, you don't have friends so you come to me."

"Shut up!" I move, making it seem like I'm leaving.

"Wait, Jess," Jade says, grabbing my arm, "Chill, I'm joking."

"I know," I smile, looking back down at my phone, "What to write?"

"How bout, just put 'lol its okay, you've been busy. Can't wait to see you guys again'," Jade says, looking at the phone as well.  
"Okay," I say and type out the message.

We wait a few minutes, secretly hoping that Michael will reply. After ten minutes though, we give up and start watching videos on Youtube. "Girls, what are you guys doing? Jade you haven't even packed," I hear my aunts voice behind me and I jump up. Jade twitches, too, closing her laptop quickly.

"Uh, we were taking a break?" She squeaks out, looking at her mother.

I look at my aunt too, trying to give puppy eyes. Her hands are on her hips and even though her hair is tied up and she's wearing sweats she just as intimidating as when she's dealing with unruly customers at the stadium. "We were watching funny videos," I sigh, giving in to my aunt's glare.

"Its nearly one in the morning, I need the two of you to finish packing and in bed, in thirty minutes, understood?" I grab my phone from where I'd tossed earlier and check the time; 12:30. Where did the time go? There's also another message from Micheal, from about an hour ago. Damnit.

"Start packing," Is all my aunt says when I look back up in disbelief. She turns and closes the door, the vibrations moving through the walls.

"You heard your mother, start packing," I say trying to muster at least half of my aunts charisma.

"Your helping," Jade grumbles.  
===========================  
1:45 am.

Jade and I finished packing about five minutes ago, and thanks to the red bull we had shared, we weren't exactly ready for bed just yet. We were sat in the t.v room, watching Full House re-runs, or at least I was, Jade didn't know what was going on.She was restless, fidgeting, moving one way then another, grabbing a blanket and pillow, then moving both items around. It was starting to get pretty annoying.

"Quit moving around so much," I whispered angrily, knowing that if we woke up anyone in the house we'd be in a lot of trouble.

"I can't get comfortable, like I'm sleepy but not," Jade pouted, sticking her foot out of the blanket.

"Keep quiet."

"Why?"

"Jade, Jessica! Go to freaking bed, if I have to come down here again I'll cancel the trip," My aunts voice rang out from the foot of the stairs, well god if she spoke any louder she'd wake the whole house.

"See what you did," I whispered, hitting Jade with a pillow.

"Me?" This time my niece whispered, probably afraid her mom would go through with her threat.

"Lets go to bed," I tried again, standing up.

"Can we sleep outside?" I looked at Jade like she was crazy.

"There's fucking mosquitoes outside Jade."

"I know, its just that its hot inside in the house, and its not like we can sleep anyways," Jade yawned, yeah we totally couldn't sleep. I sighed nodding my head, sounded better than pissing off my aunt again.

"Go get blankets, pillows, and that mosquito net thing."

A few minutes later we had made a tent of sorts out of the mosquito net and were now wrapped in blankets, staring up at the sky. I was just starting to doze off when I felt Jade nudge me. "What?" I mumbled.

"Do you think they're still excited to see us again?"

I sighed, not awake enough to have this conversation, "Yeah, I think so. They wouldn't have messaged, tweeted me if they weren't. We won't know until we get there." It was a question I had been asking myself as the trip creept up on me. There were a million way the concert and trip could go, and I was sure half of those didn't end to good for us. I just hoped they would be friendly again.

"Okay. Did you reply to Michael's message?" Jade asked her green eyes peering over at me.

I shrugged, turning over onto my side so that I could see her better. "No, it was too late, I'll reply in the morning. Anymore questions?"

Jade shrugged, mimicking me, "Oh, how pretty do you think Sydney is?" She rolled onto her back, staring at the stars for a moment before closing her eyes.

I did the same, keeping my eyes open, "Well I think its beautiful, but then again we've only seen pictures of the place." When no response came, I glanced over to find my niece asleep, her breaths deep and even. "Well then," I whispered, looking back up at the stars. At that moment a shooting star came. Just my luck, I thought, smirking a little.  
I closed my eyes and made a wish, sleep overcoming me moments later.  
===========================  
"Now boarding flight 180 to Sydney, Australia, now boarding," A woman's voice come on over the speakers.  
Jade sprung up from her seat, clutching her backpack, "Come on come on, we don't want to miss our flight!"

I let out a laugh, texting my own mother that I was now boarding the plane, my aunt pulling her hair up into a ponytail. "Relax a little Jade, we still have thirty minutes until they close the gates."

"But the line might be long, or something might happen, we need to board like now," Jade squeaked, panic clearly evident. Clearly I had triggered a fear or something in my niece.  
My aunt gave me a look, moving towards her daughter and murmuring things to her. Oops, I thought feeling my phone vibrate. It was another message from Michael telling to have a safe flight. We had been inconsistently messaging since I woke up at four this morning. I was so sleep deprived that I had asked for a straight espresso shot at the cafe in the airport. The cashier had given me a weird look before handing me a very small cup filled with the caffeine, but hell if I wasn't awake now.

We make our way to the gates, my aunt and I practically running after Jade. For a sleep deprived child she sure is fast. "Are sure you can trust these boys?" My aunt asks for the hundredth time.

I roll my eyes, sighing, trying not to let doubt settle into my mind, "Pretty sure. They wouldn't have gone through all that trouble just to play a sick joke on us."  
"You never know, they have too much free-time on their hands and a lot of money. And its happened to you before Jess," My aunt says squeezing my shoulder as we reach the terminal.

I nod, unsure of how to answer. Doubt finally creeps into my head, letting me question this whole trip. Its only when my phone vibrates that I relax again.  
Its a DM from Calum, saying to enjoy the flight and that they already rented us a car to take us places. I show to the message to my aunt as we board the plane, she only nods before moving ahead of me, catching up to Jade. I try not to dwell on what could go wrong.

As the plane takes off I snap a picture of the Phoenix skyline, risking my data to post to it to Instagram. I caption it 'Sydney bound.' I pull out a book from my bag, I can sleep on the flights from Hawaii to Australia.  
===========================================  
19 Hours Later

 

"Welcome to Sydney, Australia, please enjoy your stay," A voice calls from the front of the plane. I wipe my eyes, having barely woken up. Its dark outside, when we had left Hawaii it had still been morning. I realize that this time change is going to screw me up, and that jet lag was gunna be the end of me.  
But we made it. We were now in Sydney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 wow. So updates might be scarce the next two weeks since I'll be in France and idk about wifi....


	4. City Views and Backstage Passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie finally meets the other half of 5SOS and fights jet lag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha wifi! Paris was great now I'm in England but no one wants to know that. Here's the next chapter.

**Sydney, Australia**

I stare out the window of the hotel, restless and not sleepy at all. My aunt and niece are asleep in the adjoining room, jet lag and the time difference getting the better of them. It was the opposite for me, maybe because I was just to damn excited about being in Sydney. I was wired, had watched mindless shows on the t.v and had scrolled through twitter and Instagram enough times to make me sick. Luckily my room came with a nice lounge chair, and pulled up next to widow I can see the lights of the rest of downtown Sydney. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a pretty sight.

My phone starts vibrating, pulling me out of my thoughts. I check the caller, wondering who would call at three in the morning. My mother obviously. "Hey mom," I whisper.

"Hey sweetheart," My mother replies a little to cheerily. "Did you arrive safely?"

"Yes mom, Yvonne and Jade fell asleep as soon as we got into our rooms."

"Really, thats not good, theyre going to have a hard time adjusting to the time change."

"No, I think that will be me," I yawn, sleep starting to catching up to me.

"Why?"

"Because they have been asleep for two hours almost, while I've been up. They'll wake at a normal time, not me," I snap a little moving towards the bed.

"What time is it over there?" I can practically hear the scolding thats about to come in her voice.

"Three fifteen, in the morning," I sigh, sliding under the duvet.

"What are you doing up at three in the morning?" I cringe at the loudness in her voice. I'm suddenly glad that the suite came with two bedrooms and not one.

"Time difference, mom, now can I go to sleep?" I ask warily, enjoying the fluffy pillows and duvet.

"Fine I'll call in four hours and make sure your awake," my mother hangs up, letting the silence fill the room again. I cuddle closer to the pillow across from me.

I let myself fall asleep knowing that by tomorrow evening I'll meet Ashton and Luke, as well as be reunited with Calum and Michael.

==========================

"Oh my gosh, the view from here is amazing!"

"Jade don't get to close to the edge," It was morning, well more like late morning, and we were in search of a place to eat breakfast. Somehow that led us to ending up on the Sydney Harbour bridge, something I had only seen on a Discovery channel show once. Jade making my aunt pull over, most likely pissing off the other travelers.

The view though, was stunning. The water looked absolutely amazing and the skyline looked just as good as it did at three in the morning. So there we were, peering over the railing, Jade taking pictures with her Nikon and me and my aunt just enjoying the view.

I snap a quick photo, deciding to post it later. My stomach grumbles while I yawn. I wasn't ready to be up right now, but at my aunt's and niece's insistence here I was.

"Can we go get breakfast now? I'm starving," I whined, making my way back to the car. A car provided to us by the 5SOS boys, a taxi really would've been fine, not a rented out Hummer.

"Quit being cranky," I watched Jade slide into the backseat, carefully putting her camera away. "You'll see your boyfriends in no time."

I stick my tongue out, blushing. "Shut up, I'm hungry."

"Your always cranky when your hungry," I ignored my niece, opting to turn on the radio as Yvonne tried to ease back onto the traffic. For having never driven on the left side of the road before, she was doing fine.

"Lets go get food."

================

An hour before we had to be at the arena my phone buzzes. I'm finishing up my hair, anxiously waiting for Jade to finish getting ready so we can leave. I decide on pulling my hair up into a ponytail to psyched to do anything else to it. Glancing at my phone I tug on my shoes. "Jade hurry up!"

"I'm going, five minutes top." More like another hour.

I look at my phone properly this time, another message from Michael:

When you get to the arena, come through the back.

I stare at the message a bit put off; _Ok, can I ask why?_

A minute later my phone goes off again; _coz there's to many fans in the front and it'd be easier for you guys to come 'round back._

"Jade, you like really need to hurry," I call again, rushing to the other room. Shes sliding a bandanna onto her hair, her mother standing by the door, keys in hand.

"I'm ready, lets go!" Grabbing her camera she walks out the door.

I reply to Micheal's message, walking and typing without looking. Were getting into the car when I hear my aunt murmur, "The moment of truth arrives."

========

The line of fans outside the arena is surreal. Practically wrapping around the parking lot. Its hell just for us to get to the back parking lot, having to show security that we have tickets to the show and pay about fifteen dollars for parking. I panic and send Michael a message, telling him its hell outside the arena and that I was pretty sure we wouldn't be let in.

I am, of course, right.

"Sorry girls, Soundcheck is over. We cannot let you through, backstage passes or not." A burly man tells roughly when we walk up to the chain link fence separating the back parking lot and the back entrance of the arena. "You have to go through the front, like the other girls. The meet and greets are over too, sorry."

I hear Jade breathe in sharply, my cue to say something. "Look sir, I have a message from Michael himself, saying to come through this entrance." My voice comes out meek, with no finality in it. I wish at that moment that Yvonne had walked us to the gate, not just let us roam free. I never had a strong suit in public speaking too scared to raise my voice sometimes.

"Thats bull, and even if it was true -"

"Paul, there with us, me, us. Whatever," I hear a voice call from the door. I can just make out Michael in the shadows, but I can recognize the voice.

"Are you sure?" Paul asks, arching an eyebrow up at us.

"Would I have come out here if I didn't know they would be coming?" Michael snorts, stepping out of the doorway a little, "I'd really like not to be seen so please let the girls through."

Paul glances at Michael, letting out what could be a groan. "Go ahead ladies."

I push Jade along through the fence door, hoping the guard wouldn't see the words she was mouthing at him. We both skip to the door where Michael is at grinning, looking insane at the most.

"Hey," I breathe out, letting Michael pull me into a hug.

"Hey yourself," shutting the door we start walking down a hallway, its different from Cardinal stadium but almost the same. "Sorry about Paul, he had a bad experience with a fan and its left him edgy."

"Its okay, just doing his job," I say in a rush, feeling a bit starstruck all over again.

Michael smiles, making a right turn, leading us down another hall. "Yeah, and it was probably a good thing you messaged me that you thought you weren't going to get in. You two would probably be dealing with that mob we call a family." Jade and I both laugh, knowing that was what would've happened. "Wheres Yvonne?"

"Out enjoying the bar scene in Sydney," Michael laughs again at Jade's words, finally stopping at a door with a black and white sign marked: 5SOS Hangout, no personal.

"No personal?" I look at the sign, trying to decode it.

"It means we don't want our managers or journalists, publicists, people like that in the room. Its meant for just us, the band... and the people we invite in," Michael adds the last part quickly, noticing our faces.

We both nod and Michael opens the door, "Ash and Luke can't wait to meet you."

========

"Fucking hell Calum," A voice yells immediately as we enter the room.

I burst out laughing at the sight Calum trying to climb onto Luke's back. Luke apparently wasn't expecting it because he falls to the floor moments later, hitting the floor hard on his knees. "Your no fun anymore Lukey."

"Guys, quit your shit, Michael's supposed to bring those girls here in like a minute or something," Ashton's voice rings out, I scan the room trying to find where he is but its a lost cause.

"You're all idiots," Michael barks out still laughing. The two boys on the floor look up, still laughing. Calum is the first to focus on me, his eyes narrowing a bit but still smiling.

"Jessie! Your here, and Jade," He quips, pushing off Luke and walking towards us. He pulls the both of us into a hug, I can smell sandlewood on him mixed with something else. I pull back to see his eyes guarded again, like when I had first ran into him. For whatever reason I feel him putting distance between us.

"Hello Calum," I whisper.

"Hello sweetheart."

"Is this the Jessie, you two have been talking about?" I'm pulled away from Calum's eyes to be met with blue ones, clear and unguarded. Luke scoots closer to our little group, wedged between Michael and Calum, making them look smaller than what they are. He's taller then what he looks like in photos, and broader, but he gives off an undeniable energy that was what probably made everyone notice him way back when.

"Yeah, Jessie this is Luke. Luke this is Jessie and her niece Jade," Calum gestures between Jade and I and Luke. I feel Luke glance over me, making me squirm. I try not to focus too much on his eyes or lip ring as I shake his hand, being polite and all. All the energy in the room becomes heightened, I want to stay in his space for as long as possible.

"Ashton, get out from your hiding spot mate and come meet Jessie," Luke yells, turning to look at a couch. I follow his line of sight in time to see Ashton's head pop up from the other side of the couch. He walks over to us, smiling already and tucking his phone into his back pocket. I mentally giggle at the height difference between him and rest of the boys.

Introductions are made again, and instead of the handshake like Luke, Ashton just goes in for a hug, squeezing the life out of Jade and I. We all take a seat on the couches in the room, and I can tell the boys are trying to limit how much cussing they do with Jade present. I find myself wishing she was gone for a moment before I shake myself, putting my feet onto Michael's lap.

"You guys ready for the show?" I ask after a lull in conversation. Luke glances over at me, grinning.

"Hell yeah, we always love playing in the hometown."

"Sort of special for us," Ashton adds, looking up from his phone. "I wanna know how the three of you met, Mikey and Calum only told us that they met you in Phoenix and that you charmed them by giving them beer. Is that true?"

I laugh, looking over at Calum, who is glaring at Ashton, "Can I tell them how we actually met?" Calum looks over at me, letting out a laugh and nodding.

"Go for it."

I take a deep breath to keep myself from laughing. "I ran into him." I deadpan.

"No, we get that but like where? How?" Luke asks, sliding onto the floor to sit closer to me. I look at Michael then at Calum before the three of us start laughing, Jade joining in after a minute.

"No, she literally ran into Calum. She was running away from me and collided with him." Jade adds, shaking her head.

"Fell flat on his arse, too," Michael adds, slinging an arm around Calum's shoulders and pulling him closer to his side.

"Me too," I add, finally making Ashton and Luke burst out laughing.

"Tell us more," Luke says, blue eyes staring into mine. I laugh and continue on with the story.

-

"Boys, ten minutes until show time," the boys look up from the card game we had started playing, wide eyed.

"Shit." Michael stands up moving to the the door, "Alright, we'll be in out in three."

Luke hurriedly untangles himself from the floor, running a hand through his hair. "We need to tune the guitars, and Ashton, put on a proper shirt."

Ashton looks down at his red muscle shirt, bewildered. "This is a proper shirt." It shows off his lean muscles, hi collar bones poking out.

"A better one Ash, one that matches the rest of us," Calum moves around the room, picking up guitar picks and their in-ears that had tossed lazily as we played poker.

"But I'm the drummer," pouting Ashton opens the door, revealing two security guards, two guys in suits and a lady holding a comb. "Hello lads, Jewels." The rest of their entourage give Jade and I the cold shoulder, only getting a glare from the lady, Jewels or what now.

"Where are supposed to go know?" Jade nudges me with her foot, looking just as panicked as the four Australians whirling about the room collecting various items.

I meet Luke's eyes for a second, and watch him deflate . He walks over putting his hands out. "Sorry loves, but shows about to start."

I let him pull me up and pull me into a hug, I melt into his embrace. "Good luck and play an awesome show," I murmur into his ear, pulling back and walking over to Michael and Calum.

Jade and I say our good byes, getting a round of hugs before we start to walk to the door. I'm stopped by Luke gently grabbing my arm, I turn around to find his eyes searching mine, a small smile on his lips. "Come back after the show, you're pretty fun."

"Wouldn't miss it," I grin shoving Jade out the door. We follow the guard to our seats in the front and wait impatiently for the boys to run on stage.

==================

"You sure you don't want to come backstage again?"

"No, I'm tired. And I'm sure you want to hang out with the boys yourself."

"Jade-"

"No, its totally fine. I got to meet all them and hang out with them, I'm a happy girl. Now you go have safe, responsible fun and I'll tell mom they wanted to take you out for ice cream or something cheesy like that." I blink at my niece, wondering how she could only be twelve. She seemed much older than that sometimes. I hug her, mussing her hair and planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Thanks, I swear I'll make it up to you."

Jade wipes her cheek, grimacing. "Don't worry about it, this is like your chance to convince them your not a loser." I smack her arm gently, and began walking her to the front entrance of the arena. "I can walk to mom's car by myself."

"Your twelve," is all I say, leaving her right outside the arena doors, "Be careful, and only go to Yvonne's car."

"I will," with another glance at my niece, I walk back into the emptying arena, waving at two girls that had sat next to us during the show. The boys of course had played amazingly and having seen them live for the first time in Sydney was a dream come true. I lost my niece to the crowd waiting for it to die down before walking back to the arena.

=========================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to the Birmingham concert tomorrow!!! Yas.


	5. A Game and A Bonfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cards against humanity is played and a bonfire happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone who has played cards against humanity knows the game can get extremely dirty really fast, the cards picked in this chapter were chosen by me playing with my best friend :) enjoy

There's yelling, again, on the other side of the door.

I smile, thinking about what might be going on on the other side of the door. Having made my way backstage with little trouble, I was again a bit anxious at interrupting their much needed alone time. Just because they say one thing doesn't mean they actually want it to happen. I check my phone for the fifth time, my aunt had given me three hours before she would start calling me.

I sigh and put my phone back, no use in wasting time. I knock lightly on the door, still loud enough to heard.

The yelling stops and I hear Luke, "I'll get it!" The door opens to reveal Luke, dressed in sweats and a beanie his whole body blocking the door way. His eyes light up when he recognizes me and smiles. "You made it!"

I laugh, nodding my head. "Of course I did."

"Come in, come in," moving out of the door, Luke lets me in and I find the other boys dressed comfortably too. Calum sits in Michael's lap, while Ashton is hugging a stuffed duck. Calum meets my eyes and slides quickly off Michael, making Michael look at him in confusion.

I wave, "Thats a nice duck."

Ashton giggles, "It is right? A fan gave it to us."

Luke guides me to the other sofa and we both sit down, Ashton sitting on the floor next to Lukes feet. "What was the screaming for?" I can't help but ask, knowing there's probably a funny story behind it.

Michael laughs and I know I'm right. "We were picking on Ashton."

Ashton pouts at me pointing to Luke and Michael. "They wouldn't give me the duck! They just kept tossing it in between them." I laugh shaking my head at the boys.

"And what were you doing Calum?"

Calum shrugs, dropping his legs onto Michael's lap. "I was recording it. Its on Instagram, I think." He says coolly.

I nod, looking around the room. My eyes settle on a pack of cards that wasn't in the room before, black and white, I would know the card set anywhere. Almost all my friends at school had it. I had played the game enough time to not cringe at the word penis anymore. I smile and reach over for it. "Who gave you this?"

Its Michael's turn to shrug, "I don't know, I think the same fan that gave Ashton the duck."

"No," Ashton contradicts, reaching over for the deck of cards, "It was the redhead and her girlfriend, remember?"

"Obviously not," Luke mutters darkly, "What type of game even is Cards Against Humanity?"

I stare at the blonde in shock, looking at Michael and Calum who wear the same expression as Luke. I gape at Ashton who's about to toss the cards. "No don't."

I point at Luke, trying not to stare directly at his eyes, "You my friend have not lived until you play Cards Against Humanity."

"Why is that?" He counters, a smirk on his face. Ashton tosses the deck back at my and I catch it, opening the pack. This is how I would win their affections.

"Because, its the most dirty minded, grossest, evilest game in existence , and the best game ever" I slide off the couch moving to sit at the coffee table. "I'm surprised you haven't heard of it Michael."

"I'm surprised you'd think I'd be into that," he scoffs pushing Calum off his lap gently to join me. Me and the rest of the boys laughs, because the game is totally something Michael would play.

"Come on, join us," I plead already sorting out the cards.

"How do we play?" Luke asks, sitting next to me. The other three fan out around the table, setting their phones on the table.

I explain the rules quickly, shuffling out cards and making sure everyone get the right amount. I chuck the box at Michael, who is still confused. "Okay boys time to get personal."

The boys look at me with worried expressions and I laugh, "Not that type of personal, but yeah, personal. So to decides who goes first; time to fess up, who pooped last?" The boys expression could only be described as priceless as they go from disgust, to horror, to awkward, to contemplative. "Well?"

"Do we have to answer?" Ashton says meekly, glancing at the other boys.

"Um yea, its in the rules," I say waving the little paper around. "Look, its weird right, but you get used to it. I went this morning, now all of you fess up." I have the after thought that maybe it was a little to soon to be asking and telling about bodily functions, but having played the game so many times it second nature by now. 

Luke is the first one to pipe up, most likely to break the awkwardness, "I went around lunchtime, how bout you Ash?"

Ashton rolls his eyes but complies, "Around the same time."

"Calum, Michael?"

"About three hours ago," Calum replies quickly.

"Um, before you got here, so I guess I have to go first," We all laugh at Michael's meek voice and let him draw out a black card. "When all else fails I can always masturbate to.. blank. What the fuck is this!?"

I laugh, "Pure genius man, pure genius." We all scramble to look at our white cards.

We put our cards down and let Michael read them all, before he finally cracks up, laughing hard, "Who the hell put 'dem titties'?"

Ashton raises his hand a little, and Michael shakes his head, sliding the black card towards him. "I like this game."

====================

We make our rounds until we reach Luke, who hesitantly takes a black card, "What if I get something really dirty?" He whispers to me.

"Suck it up like a big boy," I laugh.

He sticks his tongue out at me before reading the card, "Blank; good to the last drop, thats not so bad." I just shake my head and look at my cards.

"Fisting, what the hell?" Luke squeaks out, but still slides the card towards Michael.

\--

"Who the hell chose a 55-gallon bottle of lube,"

"Me."

"The hell is wrong with you Michael?"

"This game is freaking genius Lucas!"

\--

"I don't want read the card."

"Read the card Ashton."

"There's a girl present!"

"Her last answer was 'a sad blowjob', she can handle it."

"Yep, I can."

"Fine. It says, 'what killed my boner?'"

"Who the fuck chose 'vomiting mid-blowjob'?"

"Me."

"Jessie, that is disgusting!"

\--

"Last round I swear," Michael yelped, taking a black card. We were currently tied, and the ones making the most dirtiest answers. It was laugh to see who could make Luke and Ashton blush.

"Last one," I agreed.

"Okay here we go; 'Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me blank."

"I like 'pictures of boobs', who put that?" Michael said, looking up from the cards we had given him.

"Me," Luke said, a blush creeping in. I laughed, smacking Luke lightly on the arm. We stopped the game with a tie.

===============

Another hour passed with the five of us telling stories about high school. It was pretty cool, listening to the boys tell stories of the sneaky shit they did in high school. Of course they also lent some of their more serious ones. Calum and Michael shared some of soccer games and how they met, while I told them about being a cheerleader and being the swim team.

"You were on the swim team?" Ashton looked at me, astonished.

"Yeah, for like a year, but it was fun," I smiled at Ashton, finally something we had in common. We talked about swimming and sports, letting the other three boys wonder off. A few minutes later Ashton left me, muttering something about taking a shower, while Calum and Michael laid down on the other couch murmuring and taking photos together. Leaving me alone with Luke.

The moment my phone began ringing, I sighed looking down at the thing. It was Yvonne. God, my three hours weren't even up yet, it was barely going to be two. I answered anyways, knowing I'd be in worse trouble if I didn't answer. "Hey."

"Hey yourself, so I'm coming to pick you up after having a very serious conversation with your mom."

"You spoke to my mom," I whispered angrily, moving away from Luke.

"Yeah, she called and I answered. She made me realize the leaving you alone with four teenage boys isn't a good idea." I could hear the radio playing softly in the background, my aunts mind already made up.

"I'm nineteen, Yvonne," I huffed out, leaning against the wall.

"Oh well, I'll be there in like twenty minutes, say bye bye," I could practically hear the smirk in my aunts voice. I hung up and looked back over at Luke, who was watching me intensely.

"What was that about?"

"My aunt," I sighed, shoving my phone into my pocket with more force than necessary. "Shes coming to pick me up so I won't have a one night stand."

"Oh." Luke stood up, pulling his beanie lower on his head. He looked over at Michael and Calum, who were already asleep in each others arms before looking back at me. "I'll walk you out."

"Sure?" I questioned, opening the door.

"Absolutely."

We walked down the hallways silently, the stadium practically empty except for a few security guards milling about the grounds. They probably wanted to get to bed as well. I muffled a yawn, realizing I was starting to get sleepy, the adrenaline of the concert and the energy of the boys wearing off of me. I quickly texted my aunt, telling her to pick me up where she's dropped off Jade and I.

"Sorry for keeping you here so long," I murmured, not wanted to disturb the silence.

"Its okay, your great company and everyone gets along," Luke replied opening the exit door for me. I nodded not really sure of what to say. "Plus your funny, thats like the main thing all of us agree on."

I raised an eyebrow looking at Luke, "Agree on what?"

"Choice of friends and all that."

"Ah," I looked around the empty parking lot, starting to get impatient. Where the hell was my Aunt.

"How long are you in Australia?" Luke's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Three more days."

I watched him rub his neck, looking shy and nervous. This close to him I only came up to right past his shoulders, one of the few guys I didn't pass in height. "Um, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Sight seeing, the lot," I smiled, looking up at him.

"Oh, um would you like to come with me and the rest of the boys for dinner and a bit of partying?"

"A bit?" I laughed, honestly waiting for this dream I clearly must be in to past. No way, once was chance, the second hangout was luck, but a third time? No freaking way.

"Well probably a lot, but if not -"

"I'd love to," I said hastily, not wanting to mess up.

Luke smiled at me before pulling me into a hug, "Awesome! Do you mind giving me your number, so I can text you tomorrow when I'll pick you up and shit." I nodded, handing my phone to Luke as I took his. He quickly punched in his number as headlights pointed our way. My aunt, what lovely timing.

"Bye Luke, see you tomorrow," I waved, moving to the car before my aunt could get too close to us.

"Bye."

I climbed into the car and let my aunt drive us away. She didn't ask any question, letting me relive my whole night in my head again. I'll tell her about my plans tomorrow morning.

It wasn't until we got to the hotel that I realized I had a text.

Sweet dreams Jessie! See you tomorrow

x- Luke

 Too tired to reply and slid into bed, sleep overcoming me instantly.

===========================

The next day passed in a blur.

Jade insisted in visiting almost everything Australia had to offer in one day, even though we were staying two more days in sunny country. She dragged us through flea markets and the Sydney Opera House, we stopped at vintage stores and music shops, soaking in the sun. It was a hot day, with sweat being a constant on my forehead, I was pretty sure I was going to end up with awkward tan lines. I just wanted to head back to the hotel and take an ice bath.

Instead I got dragged to the zoo.

==================  
At the hotel I soaked in cold water, letting myself cool off. I had been right, and now had tan lines from my shorts and tank top. As well as faint ones from my bracelets and necklace.

I got out of the bath, not bothering with a towel an just wrapping myself in a robe. I flopped onto my bed, burying my face into the pillows. A nap was what I needed. Unfortunately for me, my phone decided to buzz the moment I began falling asleep.

"The hell is texting me?" I muttered to myself.

It was Luke.

'hey me nd the boys moved dinner up to 6. Think you can still make it?

I groaned, checking the time. It was, shit, five.

'Yea sure.' I quickly sent off what hotel room I was in and rolled off the bed, in search of my luggage.

=========================

"Jessie someone is knocking on the door!"

"Answer it then," I yelled back hurriedly, trying to apply my eyeliner in a straight line. I could guess who was on the other side of the door.

"Holy -"

"Language Jade," I heard my aunt say.

"My gosh Luke," My niece squealed. Yep, exactly who I thought it was. I started on my mascara, knowing Jade would keep him occupied for a bit.

"What are you doing here? Like why Jessie?" I groaned at her words, maybe I should just walk out there now. Before she made some joke about me or my aunt shared a childhood story of mine.

"Um, I'm taking Jessie out to dinner with me and the rest of the boys. Then were having a bonfire," Luke stuttered, and I couldn't help but laugh. My aunt was probably staring him down by now. "I will totally take care of her, there isn't gunna be anyone else but me and the other boys."

There was a moment of silence as I grabbed my bag before Luke rushed out,"I mean it in a totally friends way and we are perfect gentlemen. Our security will be there too!"

"I'd assume so," My aunt replied as I walked into the room. She was literally circling him, and Luke was blushing fiddling with his beanie in his hand.

"Yvonne! Don't scare him, please." I walked over to Luke giving him a pat on his arm. He smiled at me, dimples showing. "Lets go before she decides to lock us in here."

"That'd be the safer option," My aunt retorted but receded back to the couch to watch t.v, dragging Jade with her.

Luke and I waved and said our good byes making our way out of the hotel, leaving through the back. So people won't see us, I thought a little bitterly.

We made our way to the shiny Escalade and got in. "So where we going?"

"I hope you like lobster," Luke smiled over at me, turning on the car. I rolled my eyes and nodded.

===================

The sun had set a while ago by the time the five us reached their beach house. Well one of their parents had rented out a beach house and let the boys use it. It was quaint, not that small, not that big. Just big enough to fit the boys if they ever slept over. And judging by the backpacks each boy had, they were planning to.

"What happened to partying a bit?" I asked, looking over at Luke as he pulled out hos own bag and a case of beer.

"Eh, the rest of the boys wanted to relax a bit so we decided to come here," he replied, leading me to the side entrance of the house. I let my hands run through the rose bushes on the side, careful not to get poked.

"I'm not intruding, right?" I bristled, feeling extremely awkward again.

"Not at all, why would you think that?" Luke looked over at me. Stopping so we weren't in hearing distance of the other boys, who were already sat on the ground, Ashton attempting to start to the bonfire.

I shrugged, unsure of what to say, " 'Coz you're you guys, and extremely close, and I'm some girl that literally ran into Calum." I kept my voice low, not wanting to draw attention.

Luke sighed, shifting his bag higher on his shoulder, "Look, Jessie, if we didn't want you here you wouldn't be here right now. The bands extremely picky with who each one of us befriends. Like we like you your cool, and to be honest Michael and Calum are the toughest to get through to so to have Mikey offer you tickets, backstage passes and all that, is a big deal." He looked down before looking at me again, eyes intense, "I'm rambling now, sorry. But the point is you wouldn't have gotten this far if so much as one of didn't like you."

I nodded, taking in his words, he did make sense despite the rambling. "I get you, now to enjoy the fire." I turned, snapping a rose off a bush.

"Look who joins us finally," Ashton cried, skipping his way over to us. He pulled both of us into hugs, grabbing the beer and walking back to the bonfire pit. I walked over and stuck my rose in Ashtons hair, it only seemed fitting. "Did you just put a flower in my hair?"

I heard Michael giggle as I nodded, "Your a flower child now, accept it."

"Ashtons been a flower child," I turned towards Calum's voice in time to see him plopping into Michael's lap, Michael wrapping his arms around the slightly smaller guy.

"Sit over here," Luke motioned me to sit on a blanket he had spread out, a wine cooler resting on it. I sat, criss-crossed, and opened the drink. "How'd you do that?" I giggled at Luke's wide eye expression, raising the bottle a bit.

"I work as a bartender now, you learn things."

"You couldn't open a bottle two months ago!"

"Now I can Calum."

"Can we roast marshmallows now?" Michael called out, taking a sip out of his own beer.

"Marshmallows with beer? Thats gross Mike," Ashton pulled a face but pulled out the bag of white puffs nonetheless.

"Never."

We all laughed and grabbed sticks to roast our marshmallows on, Calum rambling on about a ghost story he read online. Michael looking completely infatuated with him and the story.

====================

I looked out at the ocean, the fire dying behind me. The sand was cool to the touch, the stars above reflecting beautifully on the water. I checked the time, focusing on the blurry numbers in front of me. 2:30. Damn, its late.

"Watcha thinking bout love?" I heard Luke say against my ear, sitting down next to me, a blanket wrapped around him.

"Thinking about how beautiful Australia is," I said bluntly. It was the truth, out of the few places I had been, including L.A, Australia took a number one spot.

"Its alright, you get used to the beaches and water after a while, then it just becomes a steamy hell," I glanced at Luke, wondering why he would say that. He must of caught my expression because he soon added, "Australia is beautiful, but I guess its like everyone; you hate your home town simply because its your hometown. If we all had our ways we'd be living in our dream places right now."

I nodded, shivering a bit. "Are you cold, lets go inside," Luke stood up, offering his hand.

"Hold on, just a few more minutes," I murmured. The way the waves crashed was beginning to make me sleepy. "Whats your dream place Luke?"

I was met with silence for a minute before Luke answered," It would have to be L.A or somewhere in Spain. I don't know really." All I could do was nod, my eyes growing heavier as I listened to the waves. "How bout yours?"

I hummed, not really giving an answer, "I need to get back to the hotel."

"Its practically three in the morning, just stay over here. I'll let you sleep in mine and Ashton's room."

"And Ashton?" I shook my head, "My Aunt will flip if I stay."

"Asleep on the couch for some reason. It's the next best option, we're all tipsy."

I stood up uneasily, just the slightest bit tipsy and more than slightly tired. The time difference still getting to me. "Okay, just look at the ocean Luke."

I turned to watch the ocean one last time with him, letting him sling an arm around my waist. As we headed back into the house I answered his previous question, "My dream place would be here, in Sydney." Luke only nodded, showing me to the room I'd spend the night in. I vaguely registered that there were two other bedrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decent wifi at last!! comments anybody?


	6. A Date? Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke takes Jessie out and Jessie tries to figure out where she fits into the Luke and the rest of the boys' lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoooaa new chapter, I'm sure if I like it or not but oh well.

Two days later I sat with my aunt and Jade. It was our last full day in Sydney and were having lunch by the docks. Currently I was trying to win back my phone from my aunt. She'd taken it away after I'd spent the night after the bonfire, getting mad at the fact that I didn't tell her I was spending the night. Okay maybe I should've told her that I was instead of letting her think I'd gotten kidnapped or something. Not my shining moment.

"You just want your phone so you can see if Luke texted you," Jade quipped at me, looking through the photos she had taken on her camera.

I threw a fry at her, "Am not. My phone is a valuable that belongs in my back pocket."

"Whatever you say Jess." Jade replied throwing the fry back at me.

"Girls. Jessie if I give you back your phone, you promise no more sneaking around?" My aunt said fishing around in her bag for my phone.

"I wasn't sneaking-" I sighed. No use in arguing this close to getting my phone back. "Yes Yvonne I won't sneak around."

My aunt slide my phone across the table, staring intently at me, probably thinking I was full of it. "I turned it off so the battery wouldn't die."

I grab my phone greedily and clutch it to my chest, "Thank you so much!"

I press the power button letting the phone turn on. What if there was a message from Luke? Or from any of the other boys? What if they think I've blowing them off and now they won't talk to me? A million scenarios run through my head as I finished eating as my phone restarted. Jade kept picking on me, making comments about how I stared at the phone to how big I blew it with Luke.

"I mean, not that anything would've happened between you two is what I'm saying," Jade continued, digging into her dessert. "It's just your some chick who got lucky with the backstage passes and he's, well, Luke Hemmings."

"Jade enough, I don't think Luke would've given his number to Jessie if he didn't think they would stay in touch." my niece just shrugged. I thought on that for bit wondering how I happened to call myself a close acquaintance of the 5SOS boys.

I glanced at my phone hoping it was on by now. Unfortunately it was, and it showed one missed call, three Twitter dms, and a text. Oops. I started with the missed call, which ended up being from my mother only two hours ago. I'd call her later. The Twitter dms were from Michael and Calum, asking if I wanted to go out partying last night. And an extra one wondering if I had gotten the message. Oh well. I guess these guys considered me a good enough to party with.

The last one was a text from five minutes ago, from Luke.

Wanna hang out later tonight?

I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand.

"What?"

I continued staring at my phone. Why was I still shocked when these boys invited me to do something with them. Particularly Luke. "Uh nothing, just that Luke asked me to hang out again?"  
My response came off as a question, I was shocked and a bit unbelieving still.

My aunt raised an eyebrow, "Why would I let you out so soon?"

"Because I'm a good responsible girl?"

"Shouldn't he be on tour?"

"The boys leave tomorrow for Melbourne."

"Good so you won't be spending the night or anything."

"Nope," this was starting to feel like an interrogation. My aunt nodded, giving me her consent. Quickly I typed out a response to Luke's text.

Back at the hotel I showered, clinging to hope that I hadn't messed up tonight's plans. Well technically my aunt would be partially to blame, thanks for taking away my phone. As I got dressed my phone buzzed with a text. I'm pretty sure I jumped about a foot in the air before sprinting to where it lay on the nightstand.

Luke: great pick you up in 30 mins, ugh don't wear heels.

I smile at the message, reply, and then hurry to finish getting ready.

********  
"Luke's here."

"Wow no screaming?" I questioned as I grabbed my bag.

"The awe has worn off." Jade scoffed.

I laughed, "But if it had been Ashton-"

"Shut up," my niece squealed. I continue laughing as I made my way to the second room.

"What's so funny?"

I turned my head in the direction of the TV and took in the sight of Luke and my aunt watching cricket. "Nothing, Yvonne is that cricket on the t.v?"

Luke stood up, walking over towards me. "The best sport around."

"Not even, football is a classic sport," my aunt retorted.

I tugged on Luke's arm, anxious to go before my aunt dragged Luke into some sport debate. I did not need to hear for the hundredth time how the American football was a great sport and every country should have it. "Let's go."

Luke looked down at me, "Yea sure."

Getting to the car Luke walks ahead of me and opens the door. I feel myself blush as I get into the car, not used to the attention. "Thank you," I murmur. We drive for a while and I work up the nerve to ask where we're going.

Luke lets out a laugh, "Um were going to the beach."

I laugh too, "Sounds great, I like the beaches out here."

"Yea they're pretty amazing."

The streets are empty as we drive, few people out on streets. In while they'll be packed with locals and tourists going out to party. Right now I enjoy the quietness, just listening to the hum of the radio and Luke talking about mindless things, an attempt to draw me into conversation. I tune myself back to the conversation and Luke.

******  
When we get to the beach the immediate thing I notice is that the other boys aren't here and that there's an ice cream truck about five feet away.  
"The other boys aren't coming?" I ask as I take off my flats and slip on a pair of flip flops I'd brought just in case.

Luke flusters around, looking down at his feet before speaking, "Um no, I kinda just wanted to hang out with you."

Oh. I feel a knot a in my chest and a feeling of something dropping in my stomach. Was this real? It felt a bit to rushed to be real. I didn't even know how I felt about Luke. So I said the smartest thing someone in my position could say: "So is this like a date?"

I looked at Luke and the both of us started laughing. "I don't know, maybe. Let's see how it goes." Luke grins at me helping me out of the car.

I hopped down and pointed at the ice cream truck. "First we need ice cream."

"Ha, okay."  
We walk close together, close enough that our arms would brush against each other but nothing else. I felt quite calm walking next to him which was new, previous 'dates' had always made me feel squirmy and uncomfortable.

We get our ice cream, ignoring the looks of the few teenagers lingering around the truck. Or at least Luke does, I can't help but sneak glances every now and then and notice that one of the girls is taking pictures. We walk down to the beach watching the sun set. I take out my phone and try and snap a photo of it.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to take a picture of the sunset." I look down feeling stupid.

"Hey," Luke starts poking me in my side. "Lemme take a picture of you and the sun."

I laugh but hand him my phone anyways, trying to find a flattering way to pose. He snaps the photos and gives me the phone back. "Now you!"

I take a photo of Luke running into the water, facing the sun, he pulls a funny pose and I laugh starting to record instead of taking pictures. It happens in seconds, the tide rolls in and a wave comes out of no where, hitting Luke full on. The force of the wave causes him to stumble into the water, soaking his shirt and jeans. Luke falls on his knees, pushing his wet hair out of the way. I run towards him, concerned. When I get to him hes crouched over laughing. "Please tell me you recorded that?" I relax when his light mood hits me, good he isn't hurt. I let out a short laugh.

"Yea I filmed the whole thing up till now." I help him up and brush some sand off of his shoulder. He shakes the rest of the sand off his shirts and pants, run a hand through his hair shaking his head.

"Next time don't push me in the water Jess."

I stare at him for a solid ten seconds, ready to leave before I realize hes smiling and giving me a nudge in my side. I scoff and nudge him back, "Don't give me a reason to Hemmings." The words out of my mouth before I can stop them. I look up at look, wide eyed and see he's done the same. "Sorry, I shouldn't... won't..." I stumble over my words, unsure of what to say. I shake my head embarrassed, I'm already screwing this night up more.

Luke stops walking, making me stop too. "Don't be sorry, why are you apologizing?"

I think, trying to sort the different reasons why I shouldn't have called him that and why I should be apologizing. "Um because that's a nickname only your close friends and family use on you and you've only known me for, what, two days? Three at the most."

Luke shrugs, unimpressed, "Everybody calls me Hemmings, my old school mates, my family, of course the band, fans sometimes. Its a nickname thats gone global, don't worry about it." He raises an eyebrow at me and I nod, okay no more feeling like I'm walking on glass around this guy. Just focus on having fun. We continue to walk, Luke and I picking up rocks and seashells to show each other every now and then. I keep the prettiest ones in my pocket, a natural souvenir from Australia.

The sun has completely set by now, leaving us at the mercy of the stars and the street lights yards away. There's a breeze and it ruffles my hair slightly, I take in the dark water and take another photo, getting Luke's feet in it.

"Come here, I wanna show you my hideout," Luke calls, running ahead of me. I pout, before breaking into a sprint. He's faster, and in better shape than I am.

"Hideout?" I call, bit out of breathe as I reach Luke, who's sitting on a cluster of rocks.

"Yea, come on." He grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together, and tugs me onto the rocks. I scramble up the rocks feeling elated at the physical contact. We climb over the rocks and I find myself in a semi-in-closed circle of blouders facing out into the ocean. I can tell were hidden away from the rest of the beach, away from prying eyes, you would have to literally climb all the up the rocks to be able to see us. No wonder Luke must love it here.

Luke keeps our hands entwined as we sit in the middle of the circle, watching the stars. "Tell me about yourself."

"What?" I glance at Luke taking in the way the moonlight makes his hair shine almost silver.

"Tell me about yourself, what you like, your favourite color, stuff like that."

"Oh," I lean back on my elbows and begin talking. "My favourite color is green, but red comes in close, I like animals and want to work with them. Uh, I'm a Gemini and I'm an only child, I'm originally from Texas, but have now moved to Arizona for college." I sit back up, my brain refusing to give up basic facts about my likes and dislikes.

"What are you majoring in?" Luke scoots a bit closer to me. "What subject do like most?"

I chew on my lip for a minute, "I'm majoring in Animal science and I love English." I poke his side, "Whats with the twenty questions?"

"Just wanted to know more about you," Luke says putting his hands up. "Bit of a book nerd aren't you?"

"Yea sometimes." Luke lies down, crossing his arms behind his head. I wrap my own arms around my leg, thinking about something he had said earlier.

"Luke?"

"Hmm?"

I hesitate for a second before asking my question, "You said fans sometimes call you by your personal nicknames, does it freak you out?"

Luke doesn't bother sitting up, just glaces at me before answering. "Depends sometimes its like 'how did they know this shit' and other times its like 'aw I have a nickname'."

I nod, going ahead with the actual question I wanted to ask. "What am I then? I'm a fan. Of you and the band"

Luke sits up this time, toying with the sand, letting it slip between his fingers. "Your both a fan and a friend. You can give me whatever nickname you want."

"Okay." and I let the the topic of where I fit into Luke Hemmings life go.

**********

We stay at the beach for another hour or so before heading back to my hotel. The drive back mostly consists of us singing Fall Out Boy songs at the top of our lungs and me getting to fire off my own twenty questions round. By the time we reach my hotel I'm drunk on laughter and music, the night seeming to stretch on.

At the hotel are a few girls mingling in the lobby, making it obvious they don't have a room to stay in. I touch Luke's arm for a moment tilting my head in the direction of the girls but they've already seen him. A chorus of "Oh my God Luke!" "Luke can you take a picture with us?" erupt and I'm ready to just say bye to Luke now and leave him with the fans.

Luke decides to on something to different. "Sorry, but I need to get my friend back to her room."

The girls snicker and I know what they must thinking. One night stand, and other phrases catch my ear but I let Luke lead me to the elevators. "Think they'll be waiting for you when you get get back?"

"Oh yea."

I try not to think about how they found which hotel I'm staying at. It always awed, and scared, me how easily they could find out these things. We stop outside my hotel door, Luke staring at me and I staring at my shoes. "I had fun."

"Me too." I stretch out my arms and take a step, Luke quickly wrapping his arms around me. He picks me up a little and twirls me, getting me to giggle. "Dork."

"Nah just you." He say, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. I watch him watch me, my heart beating a little faster as he leans in. Do I want this to happen? I don't even know him that well.

I don't get my answer the door opens and my Aunt peaks her head out. "Jessie time for bed. Nice to see you brought her back in one piece Luke." I let out a sigh and lean against the door frame, giving a smile to Luke.

"Always will ma'am." Luke say before giving me a sheepish grin and leaving.

I ignore the look my aunt gives me and walk inside, humming some mindless tune. This was the best night in Sydney by far.

*****

Back in the states I drag myself to the living room, ignoring my younger nephews wrestling on the ground. Jade sits in front of the t.v E! News paused and her eyebrows pulled together. "Why you have the TV paused?" I yawn, sitting next to her.

"I think you should see this." She clicks the remote and the TV plays.

The headline in the back reads: '5SOS lead singer seen out with new girlfriend?'

I focus on the anchor's words, "The rumor of the week is that Luke Hemmings, lead singer of band Five Seconds of Summer, is no longer single. The story going around on twitter is that the duo met at the band's Sydney concert five days ago. Not much else known except that her name is Jessie."

I reach over and grab the remote, turning off the t.v. I sit stunned, not quite believing what I just saw when my phone buzzes.

**_Luke: Hope to see you again! x_ **


	7. Just Visiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke decides to make a pit stop in Phoenix while Jessie struggles with starting collage.

Summer passes by quickly when your starting collage. Summer goes by fast when starting collage and talking to Luke Hemmings. I sit in my dorm, going over an English assignment. Two weeks at University and I was struggling to keep my assignments straight. I was too behind in homework and notes already.

I leaned against the headboard completely frustrated. I reached out blindly for my phone, hoping for a distraction. I scroll through my phone, going first through Instagram then Twitter, glad to see the rumors about me and Luke had died. Closing my eyes I try not to dwell on Luke and I's relationship, if you could call two months of texting, phone calls, and random Twitter mentions a relationship. I feel my phone buzz and speaking of Luke, I answer my phone.

"Hey"

"Hey yourself."

"You sound mad," Luke stage whispers, making me laugh.

"Just frustrated," I say sitting up and moving to lock the dorm door. I lock it when talking to Luke not wanting my roommate or other nosy people to know I talked to a celebrity casually. Or talked to Luke at all. 

"With what? School?" He sounded genuinely concerned and I couldn't help but smile. He never failed to say the rights things and lift my mood.

"Yea basically, I just, I feel like I'm not grasping the stuff and I keep forgetting to do homework. It's like high school but worse." I run a hand through my now black hair.

"I get you." I snort at him. How would he know, he practically dropped out of school.

"No for real. When I was on tour I had to be reminded constantly to do my homework and get online and do tests. It's hard I get it." I nod at his words even though he can't see me. I should have more faith in myself and get my ass organized.

"So Jess can you do something for me?" I shake myself out of my thoughts and answer Luke.

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Can you pick me up from the airport?"

"That's real funny Luke."

"No I'm not kidding, I'm in Phoenix, hiding in the bathroom so people don't see me."

I laugh out loud at the image that forms in my head. "Luke, your like 6'4, I don't think the stalls are hiding much. "

"Please come get me." I glance at my clock checking the time. Sighing I go get my keys, mumbling obscenities at Luke. It wasn't too late.

"Your damn lucky it's Friday."  
\----  
I drove back to my aunts house, Luke sitting beside me. I laughed silently to myself re imaging myself finding him in one of the bathrooms at the airport. "So how long did you have to beg the others so they'd let you come?"

I glanced over at Luke after a couple of minutes of silence. He was looking down messing with the beanie in his hands. "Well?"

Luke stared at the window not answering my question. Damn this guy, as my thoughts connected I pulled off the freeway and into the nearest gas station. I turned off the engine and slapped his arm, "You fucking didn't."

"I fucking did. " Luke smirked, something I found adorable. When I wasn't beyond mad at him.

"You didn't tell your band that you'd taken a a day off to fly to Phoenix!" I whispered. "You're on tour!"

I watched Luke pout at me before talking,"They wouldn't have let me leave! Especially Ashton."

"Damn right, and neither would I!"

"I just wanted to see you, before we got to far."

I crumble at his words, my anger fading. That was actually sweet of him, no guy had made time for me and sometimes my friends wouldn't either. To have him, a singer on tour, take a day off for to see me... I didn't let myself finish the thought. Instead I let out a sigh, turning my car back on and pulling back onto the freeway.

"The guys are gunna murder you."

"So my mum told me." I grinned at his accent, still not used to it.

"When's the next show, what show did you just leave anyways?"

"Next ones in Miami on Tuesday , we just finished Dallas." I raised a brow at Luke. "Don't give me that look."

"How'd you sneak past management and the guys, especially Michael." I watched Luke squirm in the seat, unsure what to say next.

"Michael was, uh, occupied and Ashton was helping pack up his drums. Management is easy to sneak past." I let the absence of Calum pass, only caring about the two boys that would've stopped Luke.  
I turned into my neighborhood, psyching myself up for my cousins to meet Luke. "So again, how did you get on the plane if your confined to a tour bus."

Again Luke squirmed, "I, uh, the bus. Was getting an oil change and. I told the boys I'd go help and I just never went to the bus." I realized Luke was lying to me. Stuttering, squirming, not looking at me. He wasn't telling me something.

"You're a shit liar." I muttered, pulling into the driveway.

"What?"

"Nothing, come on you meet the rest of my cousins."

"When do I meet your parents?"

I opened the door, shouting and music making our way. I grinned at him, "Whenever I'm in Texas. "  
\-------  
I watched Luke play a video game with my aunts boyfriend, the two of them sitting on the floor looking up at the screen. I gave a little laugh, nudging my aunt to look at them.

She snorted handing me a tomato. "Oversized children that's what they are."

I nodded, "You don't mind that he's here?"

"Of course not, he's a nice guy, from what I'm observing and from the few times I've talked to him." My aunt turned around, stirring whatever was in the pan.

"Do you think mom would approve?" I saw my aunt tense up, forgetting to stir for a moment before picking up speed again.

"I don't know, you know how she can be about people other than lawyers and doctors, or people not that ex of yours. "

I cringe at the mention, not wanting bad memories. "Hey Hemmo! Come help me make a salad."

I watched Luke pause the game before looking at me, blue eyes dark and hair falling into his eyes. It made my heart skip a beat and I had the urge to take a photo of him like that. "Yea sure, help me up?"

"Help yourself up," I called, walking over to him.  
\-----  
"Let me cut the carrots! The way you're cutting vegetables scares me."

"I'll cut your carrot off if you try to take the knife away from me again."

I dropped the knife as Luke wrapped his arms a round me letting out a sound that could've been a kicked puppy. I let out a laugh, relaxing into Luke a bit.

"I like your laugh."

I turned around, meeting his blue eyes, unsure what to say back.  
\-----  
" I come bearing blankets and a pillow!" I made my way to the TV room, Luke sprawled on the couch.

"Yay!" He half halfheartedly cheered, still dressed in what he was wearing at the airport.

I dumped the blanket and pillow on Luke,"Your not gunna change?"

"Into what?" Luke snorted. "I'll take off my pants when you leave."

"Please do," I grinned sitting next to him. "How long you in Phoenix?"

"Until Sunday night."

I nodded, "What we doing tomorrow then?"

"We are going to a concert."

I perked up at the thought. "Who are we seeing?"

"You'll see."

Standing up I rolled my eyes, "Night Luke ." I start walking when Luke calls out  
"Night cutie!"

I looked back at him but he wasn't looking at me no more, he's facing the window, shirt half way off. I let my gaze linger, watching the muscles move beneath his skin. I shook myself. No, thoughts like that will get me no where. I walked back to the room I shared with Jade and flopped onto the bed.  
\------  
"Why can't I go to the concert with you guys?"

I tried to ignore Jade who had been following either me or Luke around asking about the concert tonight. I was surprised Jade hadn't worn Luke down, he stayed patient with her even though I could see she was starting to irritate him.

I looked into the mirror and started brushing my hair unsure how to style it. "Jessica, answer me!" My niece drawled, tugging on my shirt.

"What?"

"Why can't I go to the concert?"

I pulled my hair into a ponytail. "Because, Luke only has two tickets." I lied, checking out my outfit one last time. Since I didn't know who we were seeing, I'd decided just on black jeans and a gray crop top, complete with combat boots.

"But he's famous!" Jade protested

"And? Just stop Jade," I snapped moving so I could head downstairs. "Luke you ready?"

I walked into the kitchen and he was there talking with my aunt and her boyrfriend.

He was talking about the time he was stationed in Australia. "Beautiful country, just a lot of goddamn snakes."

Luke nodded,"Oi, there are and gators."

I smiled, "Your accent comes out stronger the longer you talk of Australia." I teased walking up to them.

Luke just smiled at me, giving me a quick hug. "Well I guess we're off."

"Have fun, stay safe!" My aunt called as we went outside.

"Oh we will," Luke chuckled giving me a look I couldn't quite figure out, slinging an arm over my shoulders.

\---------  
"What are doing back here?" I whispered, looking at the door that read backstage personal only.

"So, I don't really have tickets to the show, but I'm good friends with the artist and I'm hoping she lets us in?" I elbowed Luke in the side, causing him to yelp.

"And who is this artist?" I ground out just as a security guard walked up to us.

"You'll see," Luke whispered before facing the scary looking guy.

"I don't care if your trying to impress your girl, boy, but you can't come through here."

"Listen mate," Luke started, giving the scary man a shit eating grin. "I personally know miss Ray, we've written songs together. Can you please just tell her Hemmings is here, please?"  
I looked up at Luke who was still smiling but it looked forced now. I wrap my arm around his, trying to keep keep him calm.

"Hemmings, that name does sound familiar. I'll be back boy." The guard walked back inside, already calling out on his radio.

"That guy always forgets me," Luke mutters, catching my hand in his. I let him.

A few minutes later the scary looking guard came back out, a grin replacing his previous scowl. "Mr. Hemmings you could've just said it was you, I would've escorted you straight to miss Ray myself."

Luke just nodded tugging me along with him inside the hall."You told me a while back one of your favorite singers is Lana del Ray, right?"

I nodded, "Yea why?"

"Well I, wait you haven't figured it out!?" Luke stopped staring at me in disbelief. "Wow, ok so your going to meet her."

This time I stared at Luke in disbelief, no freaking way! I launch myself at Luke hugging him as tight as I could. "Thank you, oh my god I forgot she playing tonight." I whispered, feeling like hug me back, laughing in my ear.

"Hemmings?" A soft voice called, breaking up the moment. We pull a part as a the familiar face of Lana del Ray walks towards us barefoot, dressed in a lace dress and hair loose. She smiles at me before giving Luke a hug.

"Hey Elz," Luke stands back taking hold of my hand again. "This is my good friend Jessie." My clenches at the good friend part, but isn't that what we were.

"Hey Jessie, nice to meet you!" Lana offers me her hand and I shake it graciously.

"Your staring," Luke murmurs into my ear and I shake out of my spell.

"Oh! I mean hi nice to meet you too." All three of us laugh at my starstruck look.

"Mind if we crash your concert?" Luke asks now nervous.

"Not at all, I'll ask one of my guys to clear some space for you two in the front row."

"Thanks," we both say and Lana smiles looking back and forth at us. She laughs and walk down the hall calling for one the guards before she yells out, "Just good friends huh?!"

\-----  
"So this last song goes out to a good friend of mine in the crowd and his own good friend, it's called; Born to Die ."

Of course everyone sitting next to us and behind us turned to look at us as the music started up, making me feel self conscious. Before the concert had even started girls were walking up to Luke asking for pictures and during the concert I could feel the flash on me. But now I wasn't going to let them get to me I swayed to my favorite song, mouthing along to the words taking my own pictures. Arms wrapped around me, looking behind me I grinned up at Luke instantly relaxing. "Is this ok?"

"Yea." we both swayed to the music, singing along.

\-----

_@Calum5SOS: nice to know where our lead singer went to #LukeinPhoenix_

_@Ashton5SOS: Picking up your phone would be nice mate @Luke5SOS #LukeinPhoenix_

_@5SOS: Your ass is in trouble @Luke5SOS_

I showed Luke the tweets worried that he might be in serious trouble. He just laughs, helping to unlock the door as I juggle my phone, bag, and the coffees we got after the show. "Won't you be in trouble?"

"You're are in trouble."  
"What?" Me and Luke look at my aunt who is gripping the door frame, looking unusually shaken up. It didn't suit my aunt who was typically collected under any form of stress.

"What happened?" I ask dropping my stuff on the kitchen counters, Luke following behind me.

"We didn't do anything illegal!" Luke quips out, coming to stand by me.

My aunt pinches the bridge of her nose, something she only does when seriously frustrated. "Its, Jade was going through Twitter and the general internet when she pulled up these;" My aunt turns my niece's laptop around showing two windows open with three tabs on each. One window holds article after article about me and Luke just for tonight the rumors ranging from crazy to full on obscene. The other has twitter pages open one showing the bands twitter account the others fan tweets along with pictures form the concert.

Luke nods, "How are we still in trouble?"

My aunt twists her wedding ring, "Jess, your nephew in Dallas saw one of the tweets and told your mother. Luke, doesn't this bother you?"

Luke lets out a sigh, moving to cover my hand with his. "Yvonne I'm used to this and I know Jessie has thick skin, she can handle the twitter drama." He reads some of the comments before quickly closing them off, not before I read the few death threats though. I lower my head to stop the stinging in my eyes. No I didn't have thick skin.

"Okay as long as you two can handle it." My aunt sighs, closes the laptop. "Jessie you'll have to tell your mom now."

"Eventually," I mutter, flipping my hand to intertwine with Luke already feeling more calm.

"Next, serious talk time, "My aunt starts. "You two, what are you too?"

"Friends."

"I don't know?"

Me and Luke look at each other than our hands. "Thats what I thought. Look here Luke Hemmings, Jessie is my responsibility until you meet her parents and I'm speaking for them and for me; you don't play her either. You are not going to use her just because your some celebrity. Secondly you will not drag her into this famous life of yours unless both you, especially Jessie agrees to it. I wont have you dragging her to paparazzi shots for no reason. And lastly take care of her, I see the way both you look at each other." My aunts voice softens and I reach out and pat her arm.

Was this really happening? It felt like I was always asking that. I blush a tiny bit embarrassed with this conversation. "Well I don't plan on hurting Jessie and I don't plan on her being in the spotlight but I don't know, what are we Jessie?" I looked at Luke, I did not want to have this conversation with my aunt standing there, but she had made some very valid points.

"I don't know either," I smiled shyly. I watched my aunt leave, giving us very pointed looks.

\------------

I stood at the airport with Luke, from here I would drive back to my dorm and attempt to sleep. His plane boarded in forty minutes but neither us moved to say goodbye. We were tucked in a corner, hidden from the rest of the place. We weren't quite together just yet, but weren't just friends. We'd only known each other for a couple of months, only seen each other three times, but it felt natural being close like this with him.

He brushed hair out of my face, letting his hand linger on my cheek. "Don't let school get the best of you, you're a fighter, just tackle it day by day."

I giggled, "I won't, and you, don't let fame get to that pretty head of yours." I wrapped my arms around his neck, keeping my distance. "And call me when you reach Miami, let me know if the guys ripped you a new one."

Luke laughs, quickly kissing my cheek; sending my heart into overdrive, heating up my skin. "Of course."

I let go and watch him walk to security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone know what exactly 5SOS is doing?? Because I don't :)


	8. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie goes to LA for Halloween, and Luke has a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets see how many celebrities are in this chapter....

"I'm flying you to L.A and that's it."

"No, your not flying me to L.A just for two days. I don't even have a Halloween costume." I threw my hands up, exasperated.

"Good thing were out shopping, right?" Luke grabbed my hand, grinning.

I let out a groan, dragging him into a store. He had surprised me, again, by flying out from Atlanta back to Phoenix to spend the weekend with me, again. Now he was inviting to some fancy Halloween party the boys had to attend next week. "If I agree to this, do you promise not to leave me alone with snotty rich people that think they're better than me?"

"I promise love."

I let my heart flutter, snorting. "Love, the boy calls me love." I said to a mannequin, turning to look at Luke. "Sweet talking gets you nowhere."

"I'm not, can't I give you cute nicknames." He pouts at me, holding out a cookie we had bought at some bakery. I take the cookie rolling my eyes.

"Lets go find a fucking costume."

"How about-"

"I'm not dressing as a sexy anything!"

"Well shit."

\--------------

"Jessie!" Three Australians call out the moment I step into the boys's LA house. They all come running at me, enveloping me into a group hug. I laugh trying to get an arm around one of them.

"You cut your hair and dyed it!"

"So you are the reason Luke sneaks off behind our backs."

"Welcome to LA."

"Guys..."

All three of them step back, Micheal beaming at me, Ashton already grabbing my carry on, and Calum standing next to Micheal. "Nice to see you guys too." I move closer to Luke, feeling out of place in the new surroundings, the house nicer than any hotel I stayed at here in L.A. I run a hand through my much shorter hair that was still black. "Yea I cut my hair, it was too damaged. Luke sneaks off without telling me too, I got mad at him this time!"

"You can't stay mad at me." Luke said, wrapping an arm around my waist. I elbow him, making him drop his arm.

"I'll take Micheal as my date," I warned.

"No."

I looked at Calum, confused. He himself looking confused. "Excuse me?"

"He means, I'm already his date Jessie," Micheal laughs throwing himself onto Calum, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Calum shoves him off, wiping his cheek but still smiling. I smile too, then yawn.

"Tired?" Ashton asks, I glance over at him and nod. He's lost weight since I've last seen him. "I'll take you to your room." I follow Ashton up the stairs as Micheal calls out.

"We have pizza for you when you wake up." Ashton cringes, nearly dropping my carry on and luggage. I take the time to look him over; he's paler, too, than when I first met him. His clothes hang a bit loose on him and his hair looks duller.

"Not fond of pizza?" I ask quietly, taking my carry on from him when he opens the door to the room I'm staying in.

He shrugs, not looking at me. "No not really?"

"Hows tour going?"

"Alright, fans are great." He sighs and drops my luggage in the middle of the room.

"Have you been working out Ash?" I can't help but pry, wanting to know whats causing the dark circles underneath his eyes. Its the wrong question; his eyes narrow and he stands up straighter, putting on a fake smile.

"I'm good, now we'll catch up later," he hurries out the room, closing the door behind him.

I kick off my shoes, pushing my dark thoughts out of my mind, laying on the bed for a nap.

 

 

"Is there still pizza?" I call from the bottom of the stairs, rubbing my eyes. I walk to kitchen, not bothering to get a response out of the three boys playing whatever game in the next room. I find a plate in the microwave with two slices of pizza on it. Yes, I think to myself hitting the start button to warm it up.

"Hey you found it," I turn around clutching my chest. Micheal stands with his head in the fridge, moving bottles out of the way. "Japanese soda Jess?"

"You scared me damnit." I let out a sigh, taking the extra soda from Micheal. "Thanks."

I eat my pizza across from Micheal on the kitchen island. He sips his soda, scrolling on his phone. "What you doing?"

"Tumblr."

"You have a tumblr?" I ask impressed.

"Shh, the other boys don't know, no one knows. Except you, so don't mention it again," Micheal mutters, cheeks reddening. I nod writing down my own tumblr address on a napkin, sliding it towards him. He laughs out loud and shakes his head, but accepts the napkin nonetheless.

"Wheres Ashton?" I can't help but notice the absence of the drummer.

"Off on a run or something physically tiring like that," is all Micheal says.

"You guys don't work out together?"

Micheal laugh, "I don't work out, the end. Ashton works out more then the other boys." he shrugs ending the topic of Ashton.

"Babe!"

"Yeah?" Me and Micheal call out at the same time, before pointing at each other.

"I mean Micheal! Your Playstation is restarting," Calum calls out.

"Shit," Micheal murmurs before yelling, "Be right there."

\---------

"You swear I don't look like trash?" I ask for the tenth time, looking at Luke's mirror. Its the night of the party and we have to leave in, I glance at the clock, twenty minutes to make it for red carpet. Well the boys would be walking red carpet, I would be taking a side entrance and meeting them at the doors.

"No Jessie, you don't look like trash," Luke says exasperated, placing both hands on on my shoulders. In heels I'm basically his height, which makes me wonder if I should change back to flats. "Your look beautiful, honest. And leave the heels, I can see the thoughts spinning in your head." I look down biting my lip.

"Okay if you say I don't look like trash, I don't. I look like attractive trash."

"Jessie..." Luke starts when Calum walks in trying to clasp his cuffs. I turn to Calum.

"I look like attractive trash right?"

"Um yea?" Calum agrees furrowing his eyebrow. "I think I'll just go to Ashton for help." We watch him walk out, Luke moving to grab his phone and me grabbing my bag.

"Lets do this." I whisper, reaching for Luke's hand.

 

 

"Sick costume Jessie," Micheal exclaims when I get into the car. I blush, putting on my seat belt.

"Its a torn up dress and some skull makeup on half my face," I try to say nonchalantly event though the makeup had taken three hours to do and the expensive dress and shoes Luke had insisted on buying me were painful to tear and scuff up. The only thing I hadn't minded was crimping my hair and putting a black flower crown on.

"It still looks amazing," Micheal said, flicking my flower crown. I smiled and muttered thank you, facing to look out the window. Calum and Ashton were in another car behind us, not wanting to squeeze into the third row of the car. I tried to calm myself down, this would be just like home-coming; a themed dance with snotty, drunk people and wallflowers just like me, I thought, yea but even the wallflowers are going to famous.

I sighed and leaned against Luke, trying not get make up on his black shirt.

\--------

"Luke over here!"

"Boys, face this way!"

"Ashton let us see those dimples!"

"Did you bring that girl Luke?"

"Planning taking home anyone, Calum? Micheal?"

I stood just inside the venue the party was being hosted at. One of the boy's body guards right behind me. I stayed by the shadows, not wanting anyone to recognize me, famous or otherwise. The paps were loud, I could hear everything they shouted at my friends, especially what they shouted to Luke about me. I tried to tune it out to count the seconds, instead, until all four of them walked through the doors. Celebrities and their handlers walked around me, waiters stopping in intervals to offer drinks and appetizers. I felt safe and invisible, counting the seconds until I wasn't anymore.

The doors opened and the screaming and clicking of cameras got louder for all of ten seconds until it quieted down again. I pushed myself off the wall as soon as I got a glimpse of Luke, the guard following close behind me. "Luke!" I called out, gaining some people to turn and look at me.

"There you are!" Luke rushes over to me, giving me a tight hug. There's already two girls one by Ashton and one behind Luke, giving me a death glare. Calum already holds a glass with amber liquid in it, top button of his shirt undone. I'm in their Hollywood life, I acknowledge, where they know how to play the part of celebrity well. "Come with me."

"Do I have a choice," I quip already following Luke to the back where a dance floor is set up and tables and couches litter the area surrounding it. A fog machine and strobe lights give off an eerie glow, as well as spider webs on the walls and various fake weapons. We find a table and Calum and Ashton drag over two chairs and a sofa, Luke writing 5 Seconds of Summer on the little place card on the table.

"Well hate to say bye girls, but bye!" Micheal waves at the two girls, who scowl at me before turning on their heels, blonde hair swaying as they walk away. "They're annoying." Micheal whispers to me before dropping on to sofa. Ashton sitting next to him, pulling out his phone.

"Want a drink?" Lukes at my side again, hand resting lightly on the small of my back.

"Just a sprite," I say and let Luke leave, dropping into a chair.

"Jessie!" Calum calls, dragging a girl in a hot pink wig, I hope, dressed in a black lace body suit and studded combat boots. "Meet our friend Halsey."

I stand, a little in awe of the lady in front of me, "Hi, I'm. I'm Jessie." Halsey laughs going in for a hug.

"Calum said you were easily star struck. Either way, nice to meet you."

 

Halsey and I are still talking long after Calum and Micheal have left to the dance floor, Ashton sitting on the couch with Luke talking about a new song they plan on writing. I find Halsey easy to talk to, just like Luke and the others, and I could see why they were good friends with her. We're in the middle of talking about some inane thing when Luke walks up to me, "Dance with me?"

I take his hand waving to my new friend and following Luke out onto the dance floor. "Is that Zendaya?" I stare at her, admiring her hair which is straightened down past her waist with a tiara decorating her head.

"I believe so." I turn to face Luke, letting him slide his arms around my waist. He spins me around, "Now lets dance!"

I throw my head back and laugh.

\---------

"Isn't that Calum and Mike?" I point at the two figures in a corner, so close if Micheal decided to look up at Calum they'd be kissing.

Luke barely glances over at them, "Yeah they're probably drunk." He tugs on my hand and leads me back to our table, frowning when we find Ashton passed out on the couch a guy I faintly recognize as being in Imagine Dragons sitting next to him.

"I tried to get him to eat something after he drank three beers in one go bro, but he said no then passed out. Sorry," The guy stands up, shoving his hands into his pocket.

"Its okay," Luke pats the guys shoulder, then bending down to move some hair out of Ashton's face. "He'll be alright. Follow me Jessie!" Luke grabs my hand again, dragging me down a much emptier hallway.

He leads me to a room decorated with fairy lights and and a single table holding a little black box. I walk over to it and finger it lightly, turning to Luke. "What is this?"

"Uh, I had Alex and Halsey decorate quickly." He picks up the box, "Uh surprise? This whole trip and this little box is a present."

I feel my pulse quicken as I take the box out of hands, opening it slowly. I gasp at the sight of the necklace, a heart shape pendant studded with pink stones sitting in the middle of the chain. "This is beautiful, thank you Luke." I breathe out.

I watch Luke ran a hand through his hair, looking at me shyly, "I, I like you. A lot you know." He blurts out.

"Yeah," I drawl out, smiling, " I like you a lot too."

"Be my girlfriend?" His eyes widen for a moment, "I mean, shit. I ruined it."

I giggle at his awkwardness, "Redo?"

"Please?" I nod and he takes in a breath. "Jessie, will you please be my girlfriend? I'm crazy for you."

I stare him, my heart racing. It is too soon, no doubt, but looking into his face for sincerity I feel myself falling for him. Fuck it.

"Yea, I'll be your girlfriend."

\----------

 

I sit in my dorm, staring at my biology home work. I finger the necklace Luke gave me, trying to relax. I couldn't believe the party had only been three days ago. I smile, turning on my laptop and pulling up my grades for Anatomy. I scroll down to my recent test grade; 58% with a side note: At risk of failing class. My mood falls instantly. "Damnit." I hiss, knocking my Biology homework off my desk, startling my dorm mate who's also doing home work.

"You alright there?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I ran a hand through my hair staring at the latest issue of OK! Magazine that had been hidden underneath my homework.

"Luke Hemmings spotted getting cozy with new girlfriend at LAX." I stared at the picture on the cover of me and Luke hugging, him pressing a kiss to my forehead.

Well they weren't wrong about that.


	9. A Little Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaching the dressing room I push open the door and head to Luke's section of clothes. I grab the flannel when something catches my eyes. I look over the rack, the flannel slipping from my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda got carried away with the language in this chapter, oops. You have been warned....

I tug my jacket closer to my body, attempting to put on my beanie while holding on to my carry on bag. I make my way to luggage claim checking the surrounding area for any type of cameras. No one seems to notice me and I plan on keeping it that way for the remaining five days. Well its New York, no one cares. Yea, my boyfriend, I smile to myself at my thought, my boyfriend flew me to New York to spend Thanksgiving break with him. I would've preferred him to have spend it with me in Phoenix but work got in the way, interviews and taping for a show stopped him. So here I was in New York, cold and tired and hoping no one recognizes me. I grab my suitcase and make my way to where the taxis are. I had insisted to do things as if I were a tourist in the city; staying at a fancy hotel being overlooked.

My phone rings just as the taxi takes off, taking through crowded traffic. Amazing that in the span of four months I've seen more of the world than I had in my entire of life. "Hey."

"Hey, were back at the hotel," Luke's voice lifts my mood. "Want us to wait for you?"

I look out the window. "Yea, I'm almost there. Is it crowded?" The fans had become the source of my anxiety the past three weeks. Sure they had known something was up each time Luke or one of the boys tweeted about me or mentioned me but to have them now know me and Luke were official, well they had taken it hard. I had spent the past three weeks wondering if I would be mobbed when I would meet Luke.

"No, not really. Just the usual crowd," Luke says and I can hear the other boys making sounds in the background. Since they found out, they loved to tease him.

"Do I get my own room?" I ask, stepping out of the taxi. I look at the small crowd of girls and grimace, i hurriedly start walking to the entrance before any of the paps saw me.

"Get over here and find out," I could here the smirk in Luke's voice, all I could do was roll my eyes. Hanging up the phone I walk into the lobby with minimal effort.

"Jessie," I turn my head around at the sound of my name. I turn all the way around and see Luke sitting on one of the sofas in the lobby of the hotel. I wave at him as he makes his way over to me.

"Hey." I tilt my head up, letting Luke plant kisses on my cheeks. Wrapping my arms around his waist I breathe in his cologne.

"Come on lets go to your room," Luke picks up my luggage walking to the elevator.

\-----

The next day I have lunch with all of them. I sit next to Luke and gratefully take the cup of coffee handed to me by Ashton. All the other boys have plates stacked with eggs and bacon and Ashton sits at the table with just a cup of coffee. I don't say anything, not wanting to ruin the morning.

"So what we doing today?"

"Me and you are going out, everyone else is bumming around until five. Thats when we have an interview." Luke says quietly, glancing at the other three boys.

"Okay let me go get ready." I stand, swiping a muffin thats on the table.

An hour later me and Luke walk through Central Park, hand in hand. There's snow on the ground and its probably not the smartest thing we could've done. We're both freezing from the cold, only used to the desert's winter.

"I'm glad you came to New York." Luke swings my arm.

"Me too."

"Hows school?" I grimace at his words, school has not been great. In fact I'm failing two classes.

"School's school," I say instead, not looking at him.

"Now how is school really?" I huff, turning to wrap my arms around him so he won't see my face.

"Awful, I can't make sense of any of the work, no one wants to help and all the tutors say is that I should study everyday. I do study everyday and I'm still failing" I can't help but let out a frustrated groan. I let Luke lift my head up and study me. I keep my eyes down, ashamed.

"Everything will work out, watch. I know you can do this" Luke bends closer to me, letting his lips ghost over mine. I smile and tilt my head up. "I really want to kiss you."

"Then do it," As soon as the words leave my mouth, Luke presses his lips against mine. I grip his jacket and kiss back letting his hands tighten around my waist. Snow falls gently around us, covering us in a thin layer of it. I smile as we pull apart, a nice way to spend a day out in the cold. I press my lips against his again, melting off the snow that had fallen onto his cheeks. 

\-------

"Jess, babe, can you go get me my flannel it's cold in here."

"Where is it?" I ask looking up from my phone. I was tired, having not slept last night and now here I was backstage fetching things for the boys as if I were working for them. Never mind that the second we stepped out of the car we had been bombarded with paparazzi and screaming fans. I could feel myself getting worked up.

"In the dressing room." I rub my temples looking at Ashton who just shrugs and slumps lower into the couch.

I get up and start walking when I over hear Ashton "Where's Mike and Cal?"

"I don't know," Luke whispers but I'm too far away to hear the rest.

I walk down to the dressing room, letting my hand brush against the wall. I put on my headphones to drown out the hustle of the workers.

Reaching the dressing room I push open the door and head to Luke's section of clothes. I fumble with the clothes, grabbing the flannel when something catches my eyes. I look over the rack, the flannel slipping quietly from my hand.  
Micheal and Calum are pressed up against the wall, Calum leaning on his side pressing heated kisses to Micheal's neck, cheeks, mouth. Michael has his head thrown back in pleasure, mouth open and cheeks faintly pink. Calum is smiling wide, running fingers through Micheal's hair. If I didn't have my headphones I would be able to hear the moans slipping from their mouths. Both their pants are undone and I look away quickly when I notice Calum's hand is down Micheal's pants. I must have gasped because Calum looks over at me, eyes wide.

Micheal's eyes flutter open, "Babe why'd you stop.." I stay long enough to see the embarrassment cross their faces, Calum's jaw setting. 

I turn on my heel and run. "Jessie!" I try to erase the image in my head but Calum keeps calling after me.

"Jessie!" I feel a hand on my elbow and I spin around looking at a still disheveled Calum. There's a bite mark already bruising on his collarbone that I can't help but stare. "Jessie listen to me, what you saw in there, it's nothing."

I stared at him, watching a sad look come over him, trying to back away. This wasn't my place. I crossed my arms backing up. "Look I'm sorry I walked in on you, but if your happy..."

"You're assuming things, that wasn't happiness. That was... I don't know desperation." I hit a wall and Calum comes closer to me, eyes narrowing.

"You don't know anything. About this band, about me, and especially about Michael and I."

I shake my head confused. "What are you talking about? So what if you and Michael are together? " It wasn't my place to judge Calum, but I could see the self-hatred in Calum's eyes. He shakes his head, biting on a knuckle. He steps closer and there's fury in is eyes.

"Listen Jessie, I'm not no fa- I'm not gay." Calum let out a deep sigh. Then he yells, "What you saw in there will never happen again. That was a mistake!" I press up against the wall more, slightly scared of this side of Calum I'm seeing. "You shouldn't be here. I don't know why Luke dragged you here. But I won't have you thinking I'm in love with Michael. Damnit! I am not that type of guy."  I look over his shoulder and focus on the person standing behind him.

Micheal.

"Oh." I let out, surprised.

"What?" Calum snaps and I point behind him. I glance around trying to find an exit. I felt sick.

"So you think this was a mistake? You think you fucking saying you love me is a mistake." Michael yells, sounding hurt and angry and I know I have to leave.

"Mike." Calum moves towards Michael and I take the extra space as my escape route. There screaming at each other when I round a corner, my head spinning.

I needed to find Luke. I needed to tell him his band was falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cliffhanger what?!


	10. Fights and Movie Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band fights and Ashton feels sad.

"Luke!" I fling my self at Luke the moment he steps into the hotel room. I hug him, trying to calm myself down.

"Where did you go? I've been looking for you" I feel Luke kiss the top of my head and I look up, capturing his lips. I kiss him, drawing out the moment. I had left the studio, catching a cab back to the hotel. The last thing I had wanted was to piss off everyone before the interview. Or deal with a more pissed off Calum. 

I take a step back taking a breath,"Michael and Calum are together." I stare at Luke waiting for a response. He starts laughing running his hands through his hair. "This isn't funny, I'm serious, I saw-"

"I know," he cuts me off. "Ashton knows, management knows." I stare at him in disbelief. My anger slowly rising.

"You lied to me?"

"I never lied to you," Luke states blinking at me. "I just never told you."

I blink. "You just never told me?"

"Calum... Calum is in denial about the whole thing, but everyone knows. They aren't subtle not at all and the two of them have some serious issues to work out. It wasn't my secret to tell."

"You could've told me! Walking in on them isn't the best way to find out and he yelled at me Luke." I walk to the window staring out, not letting the tears in my eyes fall. "And whats with all these goddamn secrets he mentioned?" I let him wrap his arms around me, too tired to put up a fight. "He yelled at me Luke, and at Michael. It was scary, said I was a mistake."

"Ah, so thats how you found out. Honestly thats how everyone found out, I think Calum just freaked out more because it was you, doesn't mean he should've yelled at you. " Luke's voice is hard and I have the feeling he's upset about the whole thing. I feel Luke kiss my neck and I melt into his touch."He can go to hell, he shouldn't have said that to you. You are more than welcomed here." His voice drops low, I'm still angry but worry takes over.

"And Ashton? And these secrets?" I whisper, turning to face Luke. Luke looks down on my, doubt and worry etched onto his face.

"I don't know whats wrong with Ashton but he isn't happy, and there are some secrets I can't tell you right now." I nod, unsure of what else to do.

I kiss him softly, "I'm going to shower then we'll figure this out." He nods and I walk out of the room, walking the three steps to mine. Instead I sit in the tub, the water hitting me. I don't feel like talking much.

 

Three days later a knock on my door wakes me up. I had unofficially stopped going with the band to whatever they had schedule, opting to wait for Luke and go off exploring New York on my own. The other three boys stayed clear away from me. I walk over to the door, pillow covering my chest. "Who is it?"

"Ashton." I open the door to see him standing in an over-sized sweater and sweatpants. The circles underneath his eyes are darker and the smile he wears is a bit too forced. The sweater hangs off him so bad the I can see his collarbones. I give him a hug, careful to not squeeze. He pats my back before letting out a laugh. "Uh your boyfriend is going to kill Calum if Micheal doesn't kill Luke first."

"What?" I say just as I hear the yelling.

"You need to shut the fuck up Luke."

"If you so much as touch Michael I will personally kick your ass!"

"And I will personally kick you out of this band!"

"Well then I fucking quit your band!"

"Fine, get the hell away from me and this band."

Ashton stares at me wide eyed, tears starting to slip out. The band was everything to him. I guess no one has ever threatened to kick some one out of the band. Or leave. "Ash." I reach for the blonde but he moves to fast, already closing the door to his own room. "Fucking children."

I don't bother knocking on the door, its already open from either Luke storming in or from Ashton checking in on them. I take in the condition of the room; both beds messed up, a lamp over turned on the nightstand. Clothes litter the floor as well as the remain of a broken cup. I can't believe I slept through all this. One of the suitcases in open on the bed Calum dumping a pile of shirts onto it. Michael stands in the middle, looking from Calum to Luke trying to keep his own emotions at bay. Luke stands near the bathroom door, arms crossed and jaw tense. "Calum, don't do this, don't leave the band." Michael's voice cracks and I can hear the hidden message in his words clearly.

"I have to I can't keep doing this, you come can with me if you want," Calum says hesitating putting a pair of shoes in the luggage.

"This band, I can't leave it. You can't leave me Calum."

"I will and I am! How many times do I have to say I don't -"

I don't let Calum finish making another mistake. "All three of you, in my room. Now." I yell over Calum, absolutely done. The three of them look at me, shocked. "Well? In my room the lot of you." I wait until Luke moves towards me, squeezing my hand then moving to my room. Michael is next, his green eyes red and empty but he still attempts to crack a smile. Lastly Calum move towards me, curling and uncurling his fists. "Calum.."

"Just shut up," He hisses but walks over to my room anyways. I quickly rush over before they start yelling. Closing the door all three of them are sitting, Micheal and Luke on my bed and Calum in the chair.

"You're all idiots," I start. "First Luke can you explain why you just kicked Calum out of the band?"

Luke has the decency to look guilty. "I confronted him about you and him and Micheal were already fighting, so Calum got pissed off more and started yelling about how he hates this band and I may have pushed Mike."

"May have, you did," Calum scoffs rolling his eyes. I sigh, this was going to be a long day.

"You shouldn't yell at my girlfriend," Luke says tightly, his own hands curling into fists.

"Okay," I begin pacing, "Luke you had no right to confront him without me, and you may have started the band but its not your place to be kicking your best friends out of the band, without talking to everyone else."

"But Cal-" I glare at Michael, making him shut up.

"And violence get you nowhere, please apologize to Mike." Luke huffs, staring at me, I hold his gaze until he gives in turning to Micheal.

"Mate I'm sorry I pushed you, I let my anger get the best of me."

Michael gives a weak smile, punching Luke lightly on shoulder, "Its okay Lucas, I'm a bit of a trainwreck right now anyways."

I walk over to Luke and stroke his hair, "Let Calum back into the band."

"No," He says. "Not after he treated you and Mike like shit."

I smile down at Luke, "I don't think Calum meant it. Calum was scared that day, and still is, I can see it. He loves the four of you, even you Mike, and loves this band but right now he has kept a lot of thoughts in and needs to let out his feelings. Let Calum back into the band?"

Luke nods, "Do you forgive him for yelling at you?"

"Yep."

"Then he can stay in the band." Michael lets out laugh and I notice Calum relax just the smallest amount.

"Michael, Luke can you two check on Ashton? He sort of locked himself in his room when he heard you kick Calum out."

"Yea sure," Both boys walk out leaving me with Calum who is looking at me with a look I can't figure out. I still get the feeling that he doesn't like me much.

"You remind me a bit of my sister, always wanting everyone get along," Calum says without bite. "I think thats why I distanced myself from you."

I sit on the edge of the bed, looking at Calum "Why would you distance yourself from me?"

"I didn't need you to see what I thinking, hiding, so clearly." He says bluntly and its true, had I spent more time around him I would've figured him and Micheal out. "I guess that didn't work."

I let out a laugh. "No not really, I suspected since Luke is a really shitty liar whenever it came to the two of you." Calum plays around with a bracelet on wrist, a small smile on his face. "You know its okay to be in love."

"I know," Calum says softly, "Its who I'm in love with thats the problem."

"Why is it a problem?"

"Damnit," Calum starts, standing up. "Because I can't be gay, I have this image that fits who I am and I'm not messing that up. I've grown up thinking that its bad to be anything that doesn't fit the norm, I don't want to be different. There's so much hatred towards that community, I -. And anyways, I feel attraction to girls." He sighs, covering his face with his hands. He wants to cry, but he won't. He keeps his breathing even and deep. 

"Is this image of who people think you are really more important than being happy and in love?" Calum deflates, slumping back into the chair. He shakes his head, knitting his eyebrows together.

"I don't know, Mikey's been my best friend and now my I don't know what and I don't want to lose him."

"How long has this been going on?" I ask moving to sit by Calum's feet. I want to reach out and give him a hug but I know he'll only push me away. 

"Almost six months, but we've always shared kisses before, even if I wasn't completely sober before."

I think hard for a moment not wanting to say something that will offend him, "Take baby steps then, go slow, even though you've known Mike for years. Don't be be in a rush to label yourself or what you and him have so soon. Just enjoy each others love." I look up at Calum looking at me he nods, "Its okay to not be straight."

"Its just, fuck, I should hate myself."

"No, it just takes time to accept things like this. Never hate yourself." I say quietly.

"Can you get Mikey please, I think we should have a talk." Calum finally says, looking up at me, tears in his eyes.

"Are going to yell?" I press, I didn't want Mike to come out of the room in tears again.

"No."

"Are going to stay in the band?"

"Of course," Calum smiles then his eyes crinkling and everything. "And I'm sorry too Jess, for yelling and scaring you."

"Its okay honestly," I hug him, letting him know everything was going to be alright. "Let me go get Mike."

 

A few hours later there's a knock on Luke's door. I disentangle myself from Luke who'd fallen asleep on me muttering I'm sorrys. I open the door to find Calum and Micheal staring back at me, holding hands. "We're going out to dinner, want us to bring you and Luke something back?"

I look at Luke, whos snoring softly into the pillow, "Um no thanks, I think room service is enough."

Michael nods, "Cool, see you Jessie." I close the door behind them and walk back to Luke. It hits me then that Ashton hasn't been out all day, hasn't even said hello to the rest of us since the morning. I decide to go check on him.

I knock on his door, "Hey Ash its me, can I come in?" the door opens a crack, just wide enough to let me in. I take a step in and find Ashton covering himself with his duvet. The room is spotless, like if he hadn't been staying in here. "Having a night in?"

He shrugs, "I guess so. Is everyone done fighting?" I move to his bed motioning him to scoot over, he does, giving me some blanket to wrap myself in. We both stare ahead at the blank tv.

"Yea, Cal and Mike are on the mend, Luke is asleep muttering sorry and here we are, staring at a tv."

Ashton giggles in the first time since the bonfire, nearly four months ago. It makes me smile, knowing that I could make him laugh. "What have you been doing all day, you know after Michael and Luke talked to you?"

"Nothing, dozing on and off." He lies down, pulling the duvet over his head. I carefully peel it back, and he turns over. "I don't like it when the band fights, everyone just yells and hits."

"Please Ashton, tell me whats wrong?" I stroke his hair, alarmed when a good amount of hair fall out. Ashton turns over and peers up at me, sadness in his eyes. I can see him debating whether or not to tell me how he's doing.

"I feel left out." he relents. "No one has time for me lately. Its either Mikey and Cal or Cal and Luke or Luke and you."

"Then we'll have a movie night? How about that? I'll wake Luke up and all three of us will watch movies." I say already hopping off the bed, I look at Ashton who's smiling.

"I'd like that."

"Be right back," I sprint out of the room and run into Luke's. I nudge him about, making him roll over. "Luke get up."

"Why?" he whines, covering his head with the pillow.

"Cuz Ashton wants to have a movie night with us." Luke is up the moment I say Ashtons name, he grabs his pillow and starts walking out the door. I happily follow him.

The three of us crowd onto the bed, Ashton in middle, and put on a comedy. We watch movies until both Ashton and Luke doze off, Ashton snoring softly against Luke's chest. I pull the duvet over both of them and turn off the lights and T.v. Quietly I walk out of the room, I look over at Mike's and Cal's room, hearing both of their snores. I smile and make my way to my own room. My four friends content and asleep.

 

 

"Can you come to Australia for Christmas?" I look over at Ashton, who's standing in the doorway, fiddling with his phone.

"Why?" I try to make my voice light and cheerful. I continue packing, I left New York in four hours.

"Erm, Luke's parents and my mum always host a big Christmas eve party and I think all our families would like to meet you. Also I'd like for you to be there to keep... to keep me busy." Ashton nods to himself, like he's certain of something.

I walk over to him and give him a hug. "Of course, for you." Ashton smiles at me, and its like the first time I met him; all smiles and cheerful laughing. His dimples even show and I know he's giving me a genuine smile. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I was going to Texas for Christmas.

The band was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of lashton there.  
> SChool is stressful!


	11. Christmas In Sydney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm dropping out of college." I look up Luke and feel myself pale. "Its already basically done, I just need to move out of my dorm now."  
> "I've always wanted to go to university," Luke mumbles, pressing a kiss to my fingertips.  
> "Its not -" I start getting cut off by Luke.  
> "I know, I know its not my decision. "

I stared at the plane ticket in front of me, ready to refund it with good intentions. It had occurred to me just the day before that I hadn't seen my aunt in two months and my parents in seven. I owed them a Christmas in Dallas. I look at my reflection in my laptop screen, screwing up my face but I'd promised Ashton I would go. I never had the heart to tell him I couldn't make it, but seeing him so sad lately... 

"What are you thinking about?" I jumped at my dorm mates voice. Scattering the pile of undone homework and graded papers that had been on my desk. It was starting to look like my professors desks.

"Shit," I muttered before looking at her. "Thinking about returning a plane ticket to Australia."

She blinks at me, pulling her blonde hair into a bun. "Why? You have family over there? You know I never pegged you as Australian."

"I'm not, I don't have family over there. Its just I promised a friend I'd go for Christmas and I just realized I haven't seen my family in a while."

"Don't you mean you promised your Australian boyfriend and his friends you'd come down for Christmas." This time it was my turn to stare at her, how they hell..? "Oh come on, you're in every gossip magazine online, I follow Luke on twitter. You should've told me."

I shake my head, "Sorry, I forget about all that. Actually I just promised Ashton, not the other guys."

"Then go, I've seen him in a few photos, he looks like he could use a friend that keeps promises." I nod feeling the sting of her words. With another blink shes gone, leaving a trail of perfume.

I sit on my bed and pick up my phone. Might as well get it over with, I mentally arm myself, knowing it was going to be a long night as I argued with my Aunt then my mom.

*****************

"Jessie where's Luke?"

"You're not good for him?"

"How's college Jessie?"

I push my sunglasses higher up my nose, ignoring the four news people and trio of girls walking next to me. I should've just flown in at an earlier time, I think to myself as I clench my jaw. I walk quickly out the airport, hoping my luggage wont overturn. There's a shiny black car in the drive way, waiting to take me to Luke's house. Where I'll be staying, I think. No beach house for me.

I quickly haul my luggage into the back of the car and scurry into the back seat. "Long flight?" the driver asks.

"Yep," I nod, looking out the window leaving the flashing cameras behind.

====================

I stare at the woman in front of me, blonde hair loose and blue eyes examining me. They look exactly like Luke's. I take a step back, a little scared. "Sorry ma'am I think I'm lost, I'll just go now." I start turning when the woman speaks.

"Your Jessie, I presume?" I turn back again, giving out a sigh, smiling.

"Yes, yes I am. Are Luke's mom?" The lady laughs, gripping the door frame. I'm just about ready to say sorry and run again. Luke and my luggage be damned.

"Of course, I don't get that anymore, everyone seems to know my face nowadays. Come in, come in." She steps back and lets me come in, luggage rattling behind me "I told Luke to pick you up personally, but all he said was Jessie could handle herself."

I shrug, irritated. "I guess, where is Luke anyways?" I follow Mrs. Hemmings into what could be their tv room, a couple kids playing in front of the t.v, what must be their mother sitting on the couch along with a dog. I continue following Mrs. Hemmings to the kitchen, my luggage making everyone turn and look at me.

"Out with the boys, getting stuff for the barbecue." I look at my feet, Luke didn't tell me there was going to be a barbecue. "Now sweetheart, its nice to meet you."

I grin up at Luke's mom, "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Hemmings."

"Call me Liz, all Luke does is rant about you whenever he talks to me, I'm glad he found you." I watch Liz, take out thing from the fridge, smiling and blushing like an idiot.

"I'm glad I met your son."

"Oh. let me show you to your room, let me get Jack to help with the luggage." I stand in the middle of the kitchen as Liz walks out the back door, calling Luke's brother.

"Is this Luke's girlfriend?" Jack says, walking over to me. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jack."

"Jessie, nice to meet you." We shake hands then Jack is picking up my luggage and walking over to where I'm sleeping.

I decide to stay back and help Liz.

\------

"Mum we're back!" I hear Luke and I nearly drop the bowl of corn in my hands.

"Over here Luke, someone came to visit you." Liz calls, smiling over at me.

"Jess?" I laugh as I hear Luke crash into several objects. He comes skidding into the kitchen , Michael behind him. He comes running at me and I barely get the corn on the counter before he's lifting me up and twirling me. "Your here!"

"Of course," I say tucking my hair behind my ear. "You saw me less than a month ago." I wait a moment before smacking his arm lightly. "That's for not picking me up."  
Luke has the decency to look sorry, pulling me for a chaste kiss. "Won't happen again." He murmurs against my lips. 

"A month too long apparently," Calum snickers from behind us, arm loosely wrapped around Michael's waist.

I look for Ashton, looping my own arms around Luke. "Wheres Ash?" A pained Look comes over all three of them, Michael and Calum, looking at Luke.

"He's at home," Luke says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "So mum, you've met my girlfriend?"

Liz nods, throwing a dish towel Luke, "Of course, now introduce her to the rest of the family and help clean up the counter."

Michael and Calum both laugh until Liz gives them a look, both boys running outside. Luke and I share a laugh following behind them.

\--------

The next day Luke takes me to the beach "You going to take me to that hideout of yours?" I say, taking off my sandals. The day is hot, hotter than when I was here in July. If I thought I was dying then...I was melting now.

"Yep," Luke says reaching out for my hand. We walk down the beach until we reach the little circle of cliffs and rocks. He helps me up, hand on my waist.

Luke places a blanket on the ground, using some rocks to hold the corners down. We lay on the blanket, I snuggle closer to his chest letting him wrap his arms around me. I chew on my lip, trying to plot out the big news I'm nervous to tell him. I didn't want to ruin Christmas but the sooner I got this over with then the sooner I could enjoy Australia and forget about real life for a moment. "Luke?"

"Yea babe?" Luke tilts his head down, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I shake him off, sitting up. I let him sit up and grab his hand. "Whats up, you look nervous Jessie."

I smile, "You know how you wanted me to continue going to college even after I told you I was failing?"

" Yea? What are you getting at Jess?" Luke sits up straighter, staring straight at me. I fidget, not sure how to continue.

I decide to go with the most basic answer, "I'm dropping out of college." I look up Luke and feel myself pale. "Its already basically done, I just need to move out of my dorm now."

"I've always wanted to go to university," Luke mumbles, pressing a kiss to my fingertips.

"Its not -" I start getting cut off by Luke.

"I know, I know its not my decision. I'm just going to say I hope you thought hard about this, because I thought you could make it, but you do whats going to make yourself happy." I grin at Luke, quitting college had to have been the hardest thing I've ever done and I was glad to have someone that supported me. I wrap my arms around him, settling into his lap and kissing him slowly. He slides his hand into my hair, the hand on my waist pulling me closer.

When we break apart, I rest my forehead on his, "Thank you."

\---------------------

"Jessie?" I turn at the voice at my door and smile. Ashton stands in the doorway dressed in all black, except for a dark green sweater. My smile falters when I notice that along with his collarbones, his clothes fit extremely loose. I walk over either way, a shoe in one hand and tug him into the room.

I make him sit and I hug him carefully, feeling that he has lost more weight in one month than what he should be. "Ash you know you can talk to me, right?"

He nod slowly, pushing his hair out of his face, more golden strands falling out. " I know, but its Christmas eve, I don't want to ruin the party with my stupid problems."

"They're not stupid Ashton, and everybody outside loves you," I slip on my shoes, pushing my own hair out of my face.

"You dyed your hair again," Ashton remarks, finally looking at me. "And a nose piercing."

"Don't change the subject," I chide gently, pulling my turquoise and black hair into a bun. "We're talking about you."

"Jessie!" Michael walks in holding a tray of crackers, "Luke is looking for you. Oh." Michael stops a few feet from me, looking from Ashton to me, then back to Ashton, "Hey you made it Ash."

I turn to Ashton, "You weren't going to come?"

Ashton fidgets, hiding his hands into the sleeves of his sweater. "No, not until I knew you were going to be here for sure."

I sigh and grasp Ashton's hand giving him a smile, " Come on, lets go enjoy some Christmas tunes." Ashton follows me and Michael out but doesn't say a word.

"Mum, this is Jessie," Ashton says, tugging on his mom's arm. She turns away from Liz and smiles at me.

"So your the girl that these boys talk about non-stop." We laugh at Ashton blushing, still hiding a bit behind me.

"Yea I guess I am." I chat with Ashton's mom for a while, sipping on red wine as I watch the boys greet various family members and close friends. Luke's house is decked in Christmas lights, the outside deck glowing green and white. Inside a huge Christmas tree sits in the middle of the entrance, over pouring with gifts. From what Luke had told me earlier, some of the present will be opened tonight and the majority of them tomorrow morning. Mistletoe hangs from the front door. I laugh silently at the only thing that would make it feel like Christmas is if it was zero degrees instead of melting.

"So, did you go on tour with the boys?" Michael's mom butts into the conversation, eyebrow raised. I stuttering around for a moment.

"Um no, I was in uni at the time most of the tour was taking place."

"Oh what are you majoring in sweetheart?" Karen asks taking a sip of wine. Again I start stuttering, not knowing how to tell them gracefully I decided to drop out.

"I, uh, actually I'm sorta taking a break from uni."

"Are you scaring her mum?" Michael saves me, pulling me by the elbow. "Your boyfriend really would like to see you."

I giggle, nodding "Take me to him then."

We find Luke with Calum, his mom, and Mali-koa. I take in the Hood siblings, mostly staring at Mali-koa who looks stunning in a white and gold dress, hair loose. "Luke I found Jessie."

The trio turns to stare at me and Mali-koa directs her smile at me, "She is beautiful."

"Of course," Luke scoffs, slipping an arm around my waist, I smile but wave to everyone.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Mali," I hug Calum's sister, laughing quietly. "We are going shopping after Christmas, just letting you know." I laugh out loud this time, nodding my head. I pull away and lean against Luke. I watch Calum wrap his arms around Michael's waist, resting his head on Mike's shoulder. I smile at them, Calum watches me with careful eyes. Michael smiles at me mouthing a thank you, I grin back, tuning myself back to what Calum's mom is asking me.

 ---

I'm grabbing another bottle of wine from the fridge when Luke sneaks up behind me, planting kisses on my neck and shoulders. "You look stunning." I turn to face him meeting his lips. His hands knot in my hair and he tugs me towards the island counter, shoving away bowls and pans. I giggle, not moving far from him. I laugh silently when he picks me up my legs wrapping tight around his waist. My own curiosity and arousal keeps me from being scared of people catching us. I gently sit back on the counter tugging Luke near me.  

I wrap my legs tighter around Luke's waist, my dress hitching higher up my thighs. I feel Luke slide a hand up my leg, making me hiss at the contact. I clutch at Luke's back, knotting a hand in his shirt, the other tugging his jeans lower. "Fuck," I hear him mutter, sighing against my neck. I roll my head back, letting him leave kisses down my neck and chest. I close eyes, sighing, now if we could just move to my room...

"Hey, were opening presents now," Jacks says, strolling into the kitchen casually, Luke jumping away from me. I slide off the kitchen counter, trying to casually fix my hair and lipstick. "Mate, I'd like to continue eating off that counter thank you." I blush going over to Luke's side, it was bound to happen, I just glad it was Luke's brother and not his mom that caught us making out.

Luke rolls his eyes, taking my hand and leading me to where everyone is sitting by the tree, couches pushed and chair and beanbags scattered. Ashton sits on a beanbag, a blanket wrapped around him, I groan mentally, I should've been with him, He looks up at me and gives me a small smile. I wave and make my way over to him, it was the least I could do. Behind him, Calum sits in Micheal's lap, halfway asleep. Michael strokes his hair, smiling at me giving me a thumbs up. Putting my head on his shoulder I motion Luke to sit next to me.

I watch as presents get passed around, cuddling against both Luke and Ashton. Ashton hands me two boxes grinning at me, "Ones from me, ones from the dorks sitting behind us." I take them gratefully and pat Michael's foot.

"And this ones from me," Luke whispers handing over another small box. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek before going up to the tree and picking out the presents I had bought for the boys. I hand them out, Michael nudging Calum awake so he can open his.

All of us tear into our gifts, not bothering to wait for everyone else. I open Ashton's gift first, shocked when I see the the different records of my favourite bands. I give him a hug, "These are so cool, thank you." He smiles, ruffling my hair. Next I open the gift from Michael and Calum, I glance at the contents in the gift bag before quickly shoving the tissue paper back into it. I turn around to the two boys giggling like hell.

"What the hell you guys?"

Calum sucks in air, shaking his head, and points to Michael. I glare at Michael who puts his hands up, still laughing. "Sorry, its just it was too good of an opportunity. You should see your face."

"Weak," I mumble chancing another look into the bag. I move the tissue paper around glancing briefly at the assorted condoms and sex toys. Casually I pull out a dildo and toss it towards Michael, knowing that this was his idea completely. The toy lands in lap and I laugh out loud at both Calum and Michael staring at it with wide eyes.  
"So mature guys, maybe you can put that to good use." I whisper shoving the bag towards Luke so he can hide it. He laughs, taking a good look at the contents, I move to push him but decide not to, don't want whats in the bag spilling out in front of his family. From what I saw I would be using the fuzzy handcuffs to lock him to a door.

I open Luke's gift next and gasp. Its a simple solid gold bracelet shaped like a nail and judging from the black box that has Cartier written on it, I press it to my chest. It was too much. I throw my arms around my boyfriend pressing a kiss to his lips even as my stomach sinks.

"You shouldn't have spent so much."

"Its a present, its for you." Luke says kissing me back. "I love you." He says seriously, his blue eyes dark and unwavering.

I grin and slip on the bracelet. " I love you too." I can feel the rest of the boys eyes on me, hell I can feel the whole rooms eyes on me. A knot in my stomach forms, making my breath hitch. This was too public again for me. I kiss Luke again more fiercely to hide it. My head, and heart, too big of a mess to figure out.

 

Hours later I sit outside watching the stars, fiddling with the bracelet. I can hear footsteps behind me but I don't bother to look. Right now I'd enjoy anyone's company. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," Calum plops down next to me, shirtless and hair messy, I snort, looking him up and down. He looked like he had had a fun night.

"What? "

"You look good," Calum laughs, running his hands through his hair to flatten it.

"I talked to Mali about Mike." Calum says abruptly, glancing at me. He tenses, I wished he didn't feel so ashamed still.

"I'd assume so, you two were inseparable tonight. Even more so then usual." I say, feeling a hot breeze come through.

"You're crazy to be out here," Calum mutters slapping at an imaginary mosquito. " Yea so Mali helped me figure out some things."

"And?" I press.

"And I can totally say I feel good about being with Michael. I asked him out properly not to long ago. I'm not labeling myself though, I need more time for that."

"That explains why your glowing then," I laugh, but sober up when Calum glowers at me. "You shouldn't feel pressured to label yourself."

"I know, so were not coming out anytime soon, just to let you know." I nod and lay back on my elbows, Calum mimics me, staring up at the stars. I nod again, patting his hand. We sit in silence for a while listening to the birds and who knows what.

"I wanna talk about Ashton."

"What about Ashton?" Calum looks over at me, looking honestly confused.

"He's not doing so well. Like honestly take a good look at him, he's way to fucking skinny. And his hair is falling out. and he's sad, Luke doesn't want to talk about it but I sure as hell do." My sentences come out choppy as I struggle to keep my emotions in check, my voice still cracking at the end.

Calum stares at me in shock, brown eyes wide, whatever afterglow he had going on faded. His eyes harden, "Typical fucking Luke, lemme go get Mikey." I sit in shock this time, typical Luke? I don't get to stew long, soon Calum is pushing a very cranky and still asleep Michael.

"This better be fucking good Jessie, its fucking four in the morning." Michael rubs his eyes, pulling his shirt down.

"Babe, Jessie says Ash is sad again, but worse." Calum murmurs, settling his boyfriend into his lap as he sits on one of the lawn chairs. Michael tucks his head into Calums shoulder, yawning.

"What?" Michael says sounding more awake. I let Calum repeat what I said, watching Micheal pale even more in the moonlight. Micheal lets out a pained sound, fiddling with a couple of the bracelets he never seemed to take off. "Fucking Luke."

I start again, what was up with them cursing my boyfriend? "Whats with the cursing Luke?"

Michael and Calum share the same look I'd seen when I'd first met them. They were debating how much to tell me. There's a lot of secrets you don't know about this band, Calum's words run through my head again, making me panic. Micheal clears his throat, slipping off a braided leather bracelet. I take from him, looking at quizzically. "Ashton gave me a bunch of his old bracelets after getting out of... rehab."

"He went to rehab?" I stare at the two boys, Calum shakes his head.

"It was more like a group therapy thing, but it was for three days and he had to stay there. So we just went with rehab." Calum tightens his arm around Micheal taking a deep breath. "Luke was the one who helped Ashton the first time, but he never told us. We sorta knew, I mean the bracelets, the long sleeves in December, and many other little things, but we were like fifteen! We didn't know what to do, so Luke went behind our backs and started helping out Ashton, making him vent, making sure he ate, shit like that. Then he went to Liz and told her, thats how Ashton got into that group therapy."

"Three days later he comes, giggling and basically the happiest guy in Sydney and says he's better. He gave me his bracelets and started playing the drums at practice. It wasn't till months later when I threatened Luke did he finally tell us what had happened. We were hurt, and guilty, we had let our best friend down and weren't even there to help him." Michael finishes for Calum, taking the bracelet back from me and slipping it on delicately. "I only have two left, I've either lost the others or they tore." I nod, taking it in, what Luke did was both good and bad, and I was too tired to focus on it.

"But since that time Luke's been wary of helping him. He used to be so protective of Ashton, now hes just... I don't know anymore." Calum says, nudging Michael off him.

"He thinks he's done his job and doesn't have to do it again," Michael says bluntly, standing up and picking Calum up.

"So what now?" I ask, standing up.

"Well, this time we will try to help. I hate when Ashton gets this way, and he knows it, but he doesn't get help. I'm really worried this time, though, if you say its this bad."

"The four of us need to have a talk, Luke needs to know that were concerned too, and then maybe start figuring out how to help Ashton?" Michael says, holding open the door for us. Calum and I nod, I hug both of them before watching them go upstairs to where their sleeping. Silently I flip off the kitchen light before walking towards my own room. Was it too late for Christmas miracles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i was going to post this yesterday, until I realized I had spelled Michaels name wrong throughout the whole chapter oops.  
> Sorry this took forever and a day (literally lol)


	12. New Years In Sydney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I trace a finger down his cheekbone, "What are you hiding from me love?" Slowly and quietly I pull away from him until i'm sitting on the corner of the bed. I tug on my sweat pants and walk to the door, getting one last look at him.

We never do get to talk to Luke. The next day is Christmas and well, who would want to ruin Christmas. I find a few more gifts from the Hemmings and the boys under the tree and blush, moving Michael's and Calum's to the side. Later when I open it I'm glad I didn't open it publicly; racy lingerie is not suitable for Christmas morning. I even question Calum on it.

"How did you pick this stuff out? Like its gorgeous, but you had to have had help, I doubt Mali?"

"It was me okay, I just picked out things I liked."

"What?"

"Nothing, you heard nothing Jessie." I was left in my room laughing as a red faced Calum exited. 

The rest of the day was a blur as everyone else left to spend it with their blood-related families, leaving me to skype my own even though it was one in the morning over there. Of course my parents were mad that I had ditched them last minute to be in Australia, I tried explaining to them the reason why, but they didn't want to hear it. I had felt frustrated and ready to break the damn laptop when Luke suggested we went swimming. We passed the rest of the afternoon, lounging in the water and drinking soda, saving the alcohol for tonight. 

The night also passed in a blur, with me helping with the cooking and baking getting to know Luke's family better, before rushing to get ready for Christmas dinner. They were a fun crowd, nothing like the somberness of my parents house, even with my lively aunt there. Here I felt okay to be loud. I was getting comfortable with being put on the spot.

 

Me and Luke sip on coffee in his room,  I take in the decoration that has been there since he was sixteen. Its pretty much just posters on the wall, a tall cd case and his old guitar tucked away in the corner. His duvet is worn but smells like lavender and I giggle, tucking my feet into it. "What, hate my room already?"

I shake my head, "No, just I really like the scent of lavender." Luke laugh,  sliding his hand into mine.

"I was thinking about going somewhere tomorrow, there's this indoor ice skating rink if you wanna go." He suggests it so casually, but I can hear that he's already made up his mind to go there. I nod, humming an agreement. So what if I've never been ice skating before. 

"You're the best," I scrunch up my nose as he kisses my temple, a habit I've always done when feeling awkward. 

" I know."

 

 

The next day we leave before noon, I can't believe I'm actually carrying a sweater with me in the Australian heat. But Luke said the rink might be cold. So here I was getting into a black suv, clutching a sweater with sweat running down my back. 

Its the moment we turn onto the main road that I feel like were being followed. The feeling doesn't go away until we hit a stop sign, and two smaller black cars roll up, a camera man popping out on each side popping their head and arms out one of the windows. I clutch Luke's arm, staring from the cameras to Luke.

"Just ignore them Jessie, they'll move on if we don't give them attention they want." I settle back into my seat fuming. Just ignore them my ass. This was supposed to be a date. Our date. 

They don't leave us alone, not once. In fact by the time we reach the rink, there's a mob of girls and news people. I glance at Luke, who's grip on the steering wheel is deathly tight. I watch him maneuver his way around, trying to find the entrance to the car park. 

"This is worse than usual," Luke mutters, more to himself than to me. I roll my eyes, but say nothing. 

 

Three falls later, I rip off my skates while Luke does figure eights on the ice with a little girl. I rub my elbow, the pain still stinging from where I fell on it. I knew this wasn't going to end well.  Since I stepped on the ice, I'd either rammed into people or fell, or tripped onto Luke. There was only so much the other skaters would put with me just because I was Luke Hemmings girlfriend. Those were true words I'd overheard from a group of teenagers who, from what I'd gathered from their conversation, I had hit two of the people from the group and two of them had gone to school with Luke. Great. 

I slide my phone out of my pocket, miracle I haven't broken it yet, and dial Micheal. 

"Hey, Jessie hows the stunt going?" Michael yells cheerily into the phone, I can hear Calum in the distance muttering something about C-chords and G-chords. 

"What?" I asked confused, _stunt_? 

"You know your date, its the publicity stunt our managers wanted... because we were dead in the media." Micheal says, unsure now. I look around quickly, notching about three girls filming with their phones, and two professional looking photographers. How did I miss them? "Jessie, did you know?" 

"Hold on," I whisper, walking as fast as I could to the locker-rooms. "Of course I didn't know Mike! I've been falling on my ass here while Luke skates circles around me." I can hear both boys laughing loudly, Calum saying something about looking it up on twitter. "Stop laughing!"

"God, Luke is in so much trouble, fucking idiot." Michael finally grits out, managing to sound amused and annoyed." I'll give you what I know; our management currently sucks at the moment and are forcing us to go on publicity stunts,  mine and Calums is tomorrow but were also in the studio messing around. Ashton, I don't know what hes going to do, but Luke's was basically anything he wanted. He had good intentions Jess, it just backfired?" 

I sigh looking at myself in the mirror, I look like a fucking wreck with my hair sticking up and my jeans ripped from falling. "I'd done skating." I feel the knot in my stomach come again, forcing its way up to my throat. I hang up after reassuring Michael and Calum I wouldn't sabotage the publicity stunt so they won't have to redo it. Walking back I wave to a few fans, putting on a smile looking for Luke. I spot him taking pictures with a few fans and I wave hesitantly. I catch his eye and he comes walking back, a easy grin on his face and hands shoved into his jean pockets. _I wonder how he does it?_  

"Hey babe where've you been?" He slides his arm around my waist, pulling me in for a kiss. I can't help but think of the people watching us and taking pictures to sell. It makes me a little sick.

"Can we go back to the house?" A look of concern crosses his face and I rush to finish my words, " I think I bruised my knee and elbow pretty bad, I just want to relax and take some medicine." 

"You fell that badly?" Luke asks raising his eyebrows. I roll my eyes and grab my things walking off to the entrance. "Jessie!" I hear Luke groan but right now I just care about getting away from the cameras I seem to see everywhere. Am I overreacting? 

 

We both slide into the car and Luke drives off silently, a few photographers trying to follow us. We sit in silence until Luke's phone beeps. I look over and see Work, I look back out the window. I don't need to read the rest of the message. 

"Jessie whats going on, why you mad?" I scowl, unsure how to answer. 

"I got embarrassed okay, I felt like everybody was laughing at me each time I fell." 

I let Luke take my hand in his, feeling calm again. The knot gone and now all I could feel was gratefulness. "I didn't know you fell."

"I did, like three times." I pout and turn away as we reach the house. I step out and start walking when Luke stops me, I turn to face him, he presses his lips against mine, fingers digging into my hip. I wrap my arms around his neck, tip toeing to get closer to him. Slowly I pull on his lip, grazing my tongue across his lip ring.

We pull apart, smiling at each other. "Love you." I whisper, pecking his lips again. With my anger gone I didn't feel the need to confront him, yet.

 

 ----

 

"Mali where are we going ?" I whine. I follow Calum's sister around the car park, we had been to about three stores in the town centre and now we were at a mall. 

"New Years shopping!" She chirped, pulling her sunnies off her face. I let her grab my hand, pulling me along to some fancy store. I held in a remark about how expensive it was, I was actually enjoying the day with her. It was nice to hang out with a girl for once and not being around the band constantly. 

Mali and I split up, going off in different directions to find dresses. This time it was Calum's family that was hosting New Years, and apparently that meant dressing up, unlike my family that just lounged around and watched movies until the countdown. I pulled dresses off the rack, trying to figure out what I what to show off this time. Christmas was my legs, New Years had to be something special. 

"Your butt!" Mali calls from a rack over, causing a group of girls to giggle. "Here try this one." Mali walks over, handing me a simple black halter dress. I stare at the two cut outs on the sides, wondering if I can really pull this off. 

"I don't think so," I trail off, sheepishly giving the dress back, it'd look better on Mali. Mali shrugs going to try on her choices. I walk around the store, rushing back to the dressing room whenever Mali calls me. By the time she chooses the black dress she had tried giving to me I only have to two dresses that I'm not even sure I can afford. I put the dresses back and walk back over to Mali whos paying. 

"Can we go to another store?" 

Mali nods, smiling. "Of course, I not ready to go home yet." 

 

Three stores later I finally find a dress that works on me. Its dark purple with a lace back cut out and a deep neckline. The length of dress makes up for the rest and I feel comfortable in, I twirl for Mali whos claps, laughing. "I think that the one! You should totally come over to the house so we can get ready together." 

I nod, "That sounds great." I change back and after I pay, we go and get coffees, discussing what time I should go over to the house to get ready. We make one last stop to get our nails done, both of us taking turns filming the other for instagram. 

"I miss having a friend to this with," I blurt out admiring my nails.

Mali laughs, holding the door open for me. "Glad to give you a female friend again." We both giggle and exit the nail place. 

"Thanks for all of this Mali," I say nudging her a bit. 

She hums an agreement, tackling me into a hug. "Don't mention it. So," Mali starts up again as we walk to her car, "Hows my brother been?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"The last time I spoke to him was after he got to Sydney and he told me some things, he claims you actually helped solve some of his problems." Mali offers, looking over at me suddenly serious. 

I shrug, not wanting to credit for what Mali obviously helped with, "I just got tired of them fighting in New York, it got to the point where Luke kicked Calum out of the band for a solid ten minutes. Plus I figured Cal needed to have a good talking to, to help with him and Mike." 

Mali nods, "That sounds like Luke. Thanks for talking to him about his feelings for Mike, he's like another brother to me I wouldn't like to see him get strung along to one of Cal's schemes." We stop at her car and Mali hugs me unexpectedly, making me stumble. I hug her back, fighting back a few tears. "You've done a lot for those boys even if you can't see it yet. They're happier and more comfortable, you're a good friend." Mali wipes her eyes and I can tell this meant a lot to her, Calum and the other three were like her little brothers, and I felt a surge of pride for being able to bring the boys closer together again. 

 

Its not until were almost back at Luke's house that I remember what I was going to ask her earlier. "Mali, it seems like you and a lot of other people know a version of Luke that I don't, should I know about it?" 

I watch Mali grip the steering wheel, keeping her face forward. "I think thats something you should talk to Cal and Luke about love. Its a long backstory and I only know from what Calum's told me and a bit of what Luke's mentioned." Mali sighs, finally looking over at me. "I'll tell you this, Luke was Calum's first kiss, its what also made Cal question himself." With that Mali unlocks the door and I realize were back at Luke's house. "It also caused a huge drift between them."

I nod and mutter my thanks, stumbling out of the car. I shake my head, trying to process what Mali told me. Secrets... a whole bunch of them.

\------------------

"Jessie have another shot!" Micheal calls out, pressing a shot glass filled with amber liquid. I take this one having dumped the other four he had given me. I wasn't exactly in the mood to get drunk tonight. I laugh as Micheal claps, grinning, and knocks one back himself. 

I'm nestled between Luke and Ashton, watching the Australian New Years countdown. I wrap my arm around Ashton, who looks better tonight, a little less pale, but all the more sad. The party has great so far, no drama or surprises and I savor it. This band is becoming a bit much for me, I actually find myself missing Dallas. 

"Twenty seconds!" Someone yells and Luke perks up from his phone. He stands up, practically bouncing on his toes. 

"Jessie come with me." I laugh and let Luke pull me along, going up the stairs and to a random window. 

"Where are we going Luke?" Luke just grins and climbs out the window, leaving me no choice to but to follow. I slip out the window and notice a ladder against the wall. Carefully I climb up and I can hear to first of the fireworks going off. By the time I reach the roof, Luke is staring out into the distance where a fireworks show is going off by Sydney Harbor. 

I stand behind and wrap my arms around his waist, find his hands and hold on to them. "Happy New Years," I whisper, kissing his neck softly. Luke turns around clutching my hands in his.

"Happy New Years." He closes the gap between our lips and I savor the kiss, listening to the fireworks go off. 

That night  I lay in his arms, tucked in his bed in his own room, listening to his breathing. Carefully i move aside a stray piece of hair and kiss his forehead. In the night he looks younger, all soft angles and glowing, pale skin. I trace a finger down his cheekbone, "What are you hiding from me love?"  Slowly and quietly I pull away from him until I'm sitting on the corner of the bed. I tug on my sweat pants and shirt, walking to the door, getting one last look at him.  I pull on the door softly and let it click shut. 

 

 

I wander into the kitchen, in search of a sparkling water and find Ashton instead. He's on his phone, a sad look on his face. I can guess what he's scrolling through. I walk up to him and pull his phone away, pulling him into a hug. I hug him tightly not caring if I could feel his ribs. "Happy New Years." I hate seeing him so sad.  I have to remember to sit Luke down and have a serious chat. 

I step away and give him a kiss on the cheek, pushing a bit of hair out of his face. He beams down at me and points at his phone. "Take a photo with me?" 

"Of course," I say and pose for a selfie with him.

"Happy New Years," He chirps, smiling wide, eyes bright, and hugging me close again. I wish to have that picture with me for the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow update! My internet has been down:(  
> come follow/talk to me on tumblr; 75-jetblckheart.tumblr.com :)


	13. Valentines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines usually sucks.

"Can't we just stay in for Valentine's?" I pleaded, looking at Luke in the mirror. We were in Phoenix this time, crashing in my Aunts house. This was the first time I'd seen Luke since New Years and I was desperate for alone time with him. I didn't feel like going out to a fancy dinner that would probably just end with us getting irritated with each other.  I looked him over again in the mirror, dressed good in a white button down and black jeans, his leather jacket clutched in his hand. 

I watch him walk towards me, throwing his jacket carelessly on the bed. He wraps his arms around me, one hand lightly cupping the bottom of my breast lightly. I feel my breath hitch in my throat, he's usually not so grabby. "You look gorgeous babe, it'd be a shame not to show off." He murmurs into my ear making me shiver. I stare back at myself in the mirror,  dressed in a red skirt and black lace crop top that hug whatever curves I have. 

"I look like a walking Valentine's card," I snort, breaking the tension. Luke laughs as well, sliding his hands down to my hips. He nods, his blue eyes twinkling. 

"A cute Valentine card." 

"Shut up, let me change." I walk to my closet, pulling out a black skirt. I turn around ready to peel my skirt off when I see Luke laying on my bed, arm slung over his eyes. I roll my eyes and chuck a shoe at him. "Out. Please."

"I won't look, I swear." Luke says, pulling a pillow over his head. 

"Fine," I mumble, turning around. I tug off my clothes, sneaking a glance in the mirror to watch Luke. As I had expected he's watching me, eyes wide and blue eyes blown, pupils blown.  I smile watching his chest rising and falling rapidly. Casually I let my bra strap fall off my shoulder, the thin lace skimming against my skin. I might as well tease him a bit, he put himself in this situation. 

I reach up and tug my hair loose from its bun, letting it fall against my shoulders, the turquoise streaks faded into blonde by now. Pulling my hair over my shoulders I shake my hips a bit and blow a kiss at the mirror, still watching Luke's reactions. He stands up and starts walking over to me. "Fuck Jessie." His voice is rough, its enough to send a heat straight to the base of my stomach. I turn around in time to meet his lips, hungrily asking for more. I part my lips, giving him access to my mouth. I thread my fingers in his hair, tugging lightly as his own fingers dig into my hips. One hand gripping my ass while the other slides up to toys with the clasp of my bra. 

I bite at his lips, sucking down the bottom. Slowly I slide a hand down his chest, letting my nails gently scratch through his shirt. Caught up in the moment I let my hand trail further down, palming at the hardness I can feel on my thigh. Luke sucks in a breath pulling back enough to look at me. I look up through my eyelashes,  gripping him a little tighter. "What?" I watch as his lust clouds over his eyes again and he lifts me up. I'm wrapping my legs around his waist, rolling my hips as he staggers back to the bed. I glance through my lashes to find my bra on the floor as Luke bites gently at my neck.

He hits the back of the bed, sitting down hard. I kiss him again roughly, loving the way his hands knot in my hair. I'm just beginning to unbutton his shirt when I feel something vibrate. "What was that?" I mutter, fingers paused at the third button. 

"Nothing baby," Luke answers just as roughly, pressing kisses to my collarbones, head dipping to suck a mark on my breasts. I loll my head back for a moment, letting out a moan. Luke tightens his grip on my torso sending shocks through my body, he starts moving lower flipping us around, my back pressed against the mattress. I start back at the buttons fervently, watching as his own collarbones, then chest,  become exposed when I feel the vibrations again. I push Luke's head up, and cross my arms over my chest.

"Answer your phone." 

"Why?" Luke asks, pulling out his phone anyways. He quickly unlocks it, eyebrows furrowing. 

I roll away from him and sigh, it was fun while it lasted. I gather fresh clothes and start walking to the bathroom. Luke stops me, tugging on my wrist. "Calum." He mouths and focuses back on the phone. I grimace, I don't want to eavesdrop in naked. 

"What do you mean pick you up? I'm in Phoenix, with Jessie." Luke grits out, tugging at his own hair. I can hear Calum on the other end, sounding very pissed off and extremely annoyed. "Don't fucking yell at me Calum." I hear both his and Michael's voice this time, sounding more like they're fighting among themselves. Finally I can hear Michael speaking, fast and low. 

"You're in Phoenix? Why?" Luke starts pacing the room.  I give up and pat his back, walking to the bathroom. I need a shower. 

 

I walk back into the room, toweling my hair Luke sitting on my bed with a different shirt on. "So why are Michael and Calum in Phoenix?" 

Luke snorts. "The hell if I know, all I know is we have to go pick them up, they're there without security and people are catching on that its them." 

I sigh, looking at the fancy clothes strewed all over my floor. "There goes our Valentine's." Luke nods, standing up, tugging me out the door. 

 

 

I stare at the three boys crammed into the backseat of my small car. Michael plays with his phone, one hand tightly clasping Calum's. Calum is well fuming, he's soaked wet, hoodie clinging to him like spandex. The hair on his forehead curls over his eyes, which stare at Michael's hand. Ashton sits next to Calum, leaning as far away as possible. He looks like he hasn't shaved in days, if the beard is anything to go by, his hair falls into his face, covering the hazel eyes that seem so dull now. "Care to explain why the three of you are in Phoenix?" I say softly, chancing a look in the rear-view mirror again. 

Michael lets out a dramatic sigh, dragging his and Calum's hand across his forehead. "Actually Cal and I were supposed to be in New York, you know having a romantic Valentine's, getting laid. Shit like that. But no, my boyfriend over here has to fall into a damned fountain because, 'Look Mike I can do a handstand'.."

"Shut up," Calum huffs out, cheeks turning red. "I don't want to relive it." 

"Relive it you will babe." Michael continues. "So we miss our connecting flight here in Phoenix and thats when Ash calls and we decided to wait for him and then we called you, and here we are." 

"You guys were at the aeroport for over two hours?" Luke turns in his seat glaring at the trio. 

"Maybe," Ashton says, no heat behind it. I shake my head, no matter they're here now.

"Let it go," I say to Luke, turning his face away from the boys. I don't like the way he stares at Calum. 

\-----

"Pizza and movies, what a great way to spend Valentine's." Michael yells, plopping down onto the couch, a bowl of popcorn already in his hands. Calum walks past him dressed in new dry clothes, Michael makes a grab at him, pulling him down by his waist. "Don't be so pouty baby."

"Lemme go," Calum argues halfheartedly catching Michael's lips. I turn around and push Luke away, handing him another bowl of popcorn and a bag of chips. 

"Don't start something Hemmo," I mutter giving him my own kiss. He nods and walks over to the couple now making out on my couch. 

"Ash want anything to munch on?" I ask, pulling out bowls and a carton of ice cream. 

"Uh no, 'M good." He mumbles getting a cup of water. I watch him catching the moment when his sleeve rides up just enough to show off the three bracelets on his left hand. I cringe and walk over to him.

"Hey love, be my Valentine today?" I ask holding out a flower from the bouquet Luke had given me earlier.

Ashton snorts taking the rose, "Sure if your boyfriend doesn't mind sharing." I laugh along with him letting him twirl me towards the t.v room where Michael is putting on The Notebook. "Really Mike?" Ashton says, going over to the recliner and sitting down, pulling a blanket over him. He's already out of breath.

"What? Its Valentine's we might as well go all out and be mushy and romantic." Michael says turning off the lights and cuddling back with Calum. Calum rolls his eyes fondly wrapping his arms around Michael and pressing a kiss to his temple. 

I settle in with Luke on the floor, draping a blanket over the two of us. I look over at Ashton who's on his phone, the small glare of the phone somehow emphasizing the lines around his eyes and forehead. I rub my eyes, turn my gaze back to the t.v. 

=======

 

"Cal," I call softly from the kitchen. "Can you bring the rest of the bowls?"

Carefully Calum retracts himself from Michael's grip, the guitarist clutching a pillow to his chest when Calum finally drags himself off the couch. He gathers up the rest of the bowls and cups bringing them over to me. The other three were crashed out, Ashton falling asleep first then Michael and finally Luke. I had been waiting all night for that, I needed Calum to give me some answers. "I see that look on your face, Luke did something again?" It seems like that has been the question of the week for the past three months was,  _what did Luke do this time?_

I shake my head, "No not Luke, but it is about him, its something Mali told me." I put the dishes into the sink, I'd do them in the morning. 

"What did Mali tell you?" Calum asks annoyance creeping into his voice. I shrug and sit on a stool. Calum does the same,  crossing his arms. 

"So Luke was your first kiss, huh?" I blurt out, it was late and I didn't need any of them waking up and overhearing this.

Calum stares at me with his mouth hanging, he gapes a few time ears tinged red. He closes his jaw, gaping. "I - Mali, told you - damnit Mali." I wait for Calum to compose himself as he turns a few shades of red and stutters over his words.  "Mali told you that Luke was my first kiss?" He finally says, anger seeping into his words. 

I nod, "She said that there was quite a history between you and Luke." We sit in silence, I watch Calum try and sort out his thoughts, this time he doesn't have Michael to filter him. 

"Luke was the one that kissed me first, but it was by accident." Calum begins playing with an orange. "We were in music class and we were in one of the practice rooms and honestly I don't know, we started messing around, play fighting and we got too close to each other and he barely kissed me." Calum runs a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh. "I took it too far, I kept kissing him and well things were awkward for a while, Luke and I haven't been the same since then."

"When was that?" I murmur. It didn't sound so bad.

"Right before Ashton joined the band." Calum says, "Things haven't been quite the same, Luke slapped me so he could step away from me. I told Mike of course and Michael went out of his way to slap Luke back." I stare at Calum, he continues looking down. I'm surprised, that both Luke and Michael would get into a fight, at the same time I'm not; they were fifteen and boundaries were crossed. "Luke holds me at fault."

"Is that all?" I say giving Calum's shoulder a pat. 

Calum shakes his head, glancing over at me. "No, but Luke should tell you the rest." 

I roll my eyes frustrated, "Its always Luke should tell you or I don't want to tell you." 

"Its just we don't know how much to tell you, and it doesn't help when someone else tells you something or Luke messes up and won't tell you." Calum snaps laying his head on the counter, "Look we like you okay and Luke obviously loves you, its just its been the four of us since the band started and it gets to be too much sometimes." 

"I get it," I mutter. "The band comes first." I stand to leave, completely tired.

 

"Luke and Cal hate each other." 

"What," I spin around, staring at Ashton. Calum looks like he could kill Ashton right now, which considering what I just found out, could probably happen. 

"Ashton- "

"No, if Luke's not going to tell her anything I think we should." Ashton sits down in the stool I was at, looking at Calum. 

"Please, I won't tell anyone. I just want to understand whats going on, I'll ask Luke about it eventually." I beg, looking between the two guys, I just wanted the truth at this point. 

Calum nods, "Okay I'll tell you my side."

"And mine," Ashton pipes in.

"After that incident things were tense between Luke and I and never settled. We got into more fights when we were younger it'd be over stupid things like who stole this my shirt or who wrote better songs. Sometimes it would be about the band, Luke was dead serious on it while Michael I saw it as a hobby until we recorded our first EP, but we'd get to crazy fights."

"They'd yell at each other, and push each other around until Michael and I would take the other and talk to them," Ashton butts in, "Luke would always pick at something, the way I drummed, the way Michael sang, the way Cal played bass. He stopped picking on the two of us when we got more confident in our selves but as Cal gained more experience Luke kept picking on him."

"He would start useless shit, soon it mostly me he picked on; saying things like I didn't use a guitar pick right to I couldn't write songs properly. Anything he's find literally anything wrong with me," Calum continues. "It died down a bit as we got bigger, he was content. I think the problem is Luke is always about getting ahead of himself and he didn't like that I'd bring everyone back down to earth."

"Then one day during one of the tours Michael and Luke got into it over Calum. Michael had had enough and well.." Ashton trails off looking at Calum.

"They both punched each other but Michael was the one with the bleeding lip and bruised eye," His jaw clenches. I feel his pain, I wouldn't want anyone hurting the ones I loved either.

"Why stay in the band then? You had soccer," I whisper.

"For Michael, for Ashton, because I love making music," Calum shrugs like its simple. "For Luke too, because even if we don't get along ninety five percent of the time its the five percent that keeps me going."

"Too much time together gets to us," Ashton says, "Now that tours over we can relax away from each other now. Things were really tense but I think it should blow over soon." Calum nods, seeming more tired than ever. 

"I think he hates that I never took the band seriously until the end of the Take Me Home tour. I think he hates me kissing him. I only did what I could to make sure I had something to go back to in case the band didn't make it and I hate myself more for kissing him but at the same time I don't because it helped me figure out something about me." Calum finishes standing up. "In the end I don't really know why he hates me Jess, ask him yourself. It seems like he hates me for a lot of reasons."

"Its not your fault," I say hugging him. "You were being cautious and Luke could've handled things better. Thank you for telling me this it clears up a lot of things." I still have the feeling that Ashton and Calum aren't telling me everything but its enough for now. I can just hope for them to make their peace and stop fighting about something that happened nearly four years ago. 

I give the boys blankets and pillows and say goodnight, things might be clearing up but there's still a long ways to go. 

 

===========

To say my cousins are surprised to find four Australians sleeping in the living room would be an one thing, to say my cousins are down right confused about finding said Australians making breakfast would be the funniest thing on earth. They had missed everything, having spent the night at some family friends' house.

"He burnt toast," Jade whispers pointing at Michael, "Toast!"

"Shh," I say messing up her hair. 

"Where's Cal and Luke?" I ask Michael noticing the other two boys are missing, Ashton is making eggs on the stove while my Aunt and my new Uncle drink cups of coffee graciously.

"Gone for a run,"Michael grumbles, stuffing more toast into the toaster. Warning bells go off in my head. I make faces at the boys, setting down my cup of coffee.

I walk as normally as I can to the front door, trying to stop my shaking hands. My heart flutters, the way Luke and Calum have been they shouldn't be on a run together. I press up to the door, straining to hear them. Sure enough I can hear them both talking.

"You put 'the Band' before us Luke, you care more about the sales, merch, and company then about the mental well being of all of us." Calum says sounding more and more angry.

"Well if any three of you would put in just a little bit of effort to take notice of the brand then maybe I would loosen up a bit mate," Luke says just as heatedly, "I'm the one with the managers and business people trying to keep our damn record company in business, to make sure we sell out shows."

"You're a great business man Luke, I get it and I do help with what I can especially when it comes to the marketing part, Ashton designs half of our merch." Calum says, and I take a peak out of the window. They both stand with arms crossed staring each other down, looking ready to fight each other. "But Ashton is sick and I'm ready to just say the hell with it, and Jessie can only take so much of your lying."

"What have you been telling her," Luke yells grabbing Calum's shirt. "You fucking asshole, if you tell Jessie about anything this band has been through -"

Calum pushes him away roughly yelling back, "What? She needs to know, the truth. Tell her the fucking truth shes not blind, Ash is getting worst and she's scared just tell her everything! Hell Michael and I don't even know everything, I don't know why I even call you a friend. Why do you hate me?!" I move knocking over a pot on the window sill. The noise makes both boys look at the window. 

I run back into the kitchen just as the front door opens. Everyone stares at me and I know they heard the yelling, Jade walks over to me giving me a worried look. Ashton's eyes are hallow when I lock eyes on him for a minute before he's running towards them, then past them. "Jessie.." Luke calls hoarsely, stepping in the kitchen.

"Not now, I swear to god not now," I shake my head hiding behind my aunt.

"I think you should leave Luke. Calum," My aunt grits out, pointing at the door.

I feel Michael come behind me, "I'll leave too, bye Jessie." I give a hug before he's jogging after his boyfriend quickly picking their bags from the floor and leaving the front door open. The eggs burn but are left on the stove until the smoke alarm goes off. _What the hell just happened?_

 

 

It takes all of six hours before I'm packing a backpack full of clothes and buying an expensive ticket to L.A. Never mind that its a stupid and irrational thing to do. I know L.A is where  they'll be before flying back to Sydney. I text Michael, asking for help. Just to keep Luke there for a solid twenty four hours.

Thirty minutes later, before I board the plane a my phone beeps with a tweet.

_Luke5SOS : Lost my plane ticket :( ._

All flights to Sydney booked until the day after tomorrow. Michael texts me with a winking face. I silently thank Michael while I laugh, earning a few stares from the people around me as I board the plane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.... What did I just write.. not as edited as i want but todays my only day off of work. Hope you enjoy! :) come talk to me on tumblr; 75-jetblckheart


	14. To Need Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why'd you have to come to L.A?"
> 
> "Why didn't you stay in Phoenix?" I stare at him his blue eyes cold and distant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a mention of smoking (oops spoilers) btw but its super brief just in case..

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to L.A.

I knock on the band's door, it's really late at night or really early in the morning. By the lack of cars I assume the rest of the band is half way to Australia by now. 

"What do you want Jessie? " I blink back to reality to see Luke in the door looking incredibly pissed off. 

" I want to talk." I say pushing my way in.  _What was he mad at me for_?

"At four in the morning." 

"You're obviously up considering your still dressed to leave. " I snap back. 

"Why'd you have to come to L.A?"

"Why didn't you stay in Phoenix?" He was starting to irritate me. The way he spoke harshly was getting on my nerves. I stare at him his blue eyes cold and distant. "Why are you here?"

"You know what lets just go to bed," I snap, moving past him. I walk up the stairs and shortly after, I can hear his own footsteps. When we reach the bedroom  Luke just tugs off his shoes before laying down on top of the covers. I roll my eyes and do the same, opting to take off the hoodie I was in and laying down under the covers. 

"We're talking in the morning," I mutter flicking off the lamps, I'm soon dozing off into a light sleep. 

The next morning Luke's already awake and I suspect he hasn't slept at all through the night. I stretch trying to get my brain functioning again. Hopefully he's cooled down enough that I can talk to him. 

He walks out of the bathroom, duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He spares me a glance nodding his head. I shake my head standing up, Luke moves away from me muttering good morning. I watch him walk away for a minute in disbelief before I'm following him out the room and into the hallway.

 Going down the stairs I follow him. "Luke just talk to me, what's going on?" 

"Why do you always take the other three's sides?" He spins around hands balled up. "It seems everything I do is somehow bad and yet you take Calum's side. " 

"I'm taking no ones side. " I try to say calmly. "Just tell me is it true you helped Ashton? And that you and Calum kissed?" 

"Damn it Jessie now is not the time for this," He grits out. 

"Luke, what is going on with the band? Ashton needs help. "

"You care more about those three then you do about me, it's like if you know them better. " 

"Because I do know them better. I feel like I don't know you Luke! You're hiding things from me and at least they're telling me stuff about them. " I yell at Luke frustrated. This was not the way I wanted this to go. "Stop lying to me goddamnit."

"What are you even getting at Jessie did you just come here to fucking yell at me!" He starts pacing in the room, knocking down his guitar. "I will fucking help Ashton when I can, but it's his problem right now. I have had it up to here with their problems. It's always one of them complaining about something while I try to keep us afloat. Then fucking Calum and Michael have to fight me on who to sign to the label."

"Luke," I say, Trying to diffuse the situation. He's extremely upset and I don't think I could stay much longer without losing my temper too. 

"Just get the fuck out Jessie it's not like you even care." Luke yells knocking down more stuff. 

"You need to calm down. Luke please-" I start walking towards him "stop fucking yelling -"

"Can you stop it already Jessie! You like to get into everyone's business don't you?" Luke says, eyes turning cold. I stop walking towards him and stare, shocked.

"What?" 

"You're always here trying to make everybody say sorry and try to be friends again, well it doesn't work that way, not with this band." Luke says his voice evening out. "So what I kissed Calum, made Ashton go to therapy,  made Michael smoke. So fucking what, they did it happily, Calum even pathetically thought he could try and make me date him. They made me into this person. I can't continue caring about their damn problems when they're adults themselves, and you make it worse." 

"I make it worse?" I say shocked 

"Yea," Luke says nonchalantly, "Right now your pissing me off."

"Why can't you just tell me the truth Luke instead of hiding?" I say giving up.

"Get the hell out of here Jessie, don't bother coming back." With that Luke walks into the kitchen, I can hear doors slamming but I don't check. I grab my bag and bolt out of the door trying to keep the tears in check. As soon as I'm out on the patio I hear the sound of glass shattering that makes shivers run up my spine. I won't be coming back for as long as I can.

"So where are you going to go?" My aunt says into the phone just as Calum texts back the same message. I sigh into my phone, staring at the plane ticket I'm going to buy. "I'm going home, back to Dallas. My parents could use a visit."

My aunt snorts, "Damn right, now listen give it a couple days, if you hear nothing you'll know." I nod agreeing with her as I confirm my ticket and print out my boarding pass. We hang up and I text Calum back. 

_going home to Dallas, need some time away from grouchy australians :(_

_:( me and michael arent grouchy._

_whatever. Ill call when I land_

_say hi to your parents for me! xx C & M_

I stuff my phone into my pocket and walk to security, I spent more time at an airport nowadays then I ever thought I could. 

============================

"You do realize you've spent about three thousand on plane tickets already?" My mom snaps as I lower my head onto the kitchen counter. 

"Mom," I groan, "Thats no way to treat your heartbroken and jet lagged daughter."

My mother lets out a sigh, "I know, I'm sorry its just think about it; your spending so much money on these boys, are you sure its worth it?" 

"Wrong question, again." I mutter, since I'd showed up at her doorstep my mom had been asking questions ranging from how'd you meet Luke to why haven't you visited. I was tired and just wanted a bit of my mother's affection. 

"This is what comes with relationships," my mom murmurs stroking my hair, "the good can't last forever and if you say the boys have a lot of issues to work out maybes its best you stay out of them, permanently." 

I shrug and she presses a kiss to my forehead, "I care about them mom."

"And Luke?" 

"I.... I love him, " 

"Then there's nothing to do except let everyone cool off and if he really loves you he'll come back." My mom walks away, taking my dog with her. I groan again and move towards the living room stealing a blanket, I needed a nap. 

I spend the next three days re-visiting my family in Dallas, finally telling them in person whats been happening to me instead of finding out through the internet. My younger cousins are happy while my other older aunt and uncle disapprove completely. 

One night I barricade myself in my room, tired of stiffly watching my other family members talk about college and sports and how successful their lives are going and the lack of mine. I decide to face-time Michael, it should be a decent time in Australia. I end up getting Calum on the other line looking sleepy. 

"Jessie its like five in the morning," He whispers, squinting at the screen. "This better be an emergency."

"Depends on how you look at it," I mutter. 

"Talk, go ahead," Calum says, the camera moves around a bit, I catch picture frames and a stair case as Calum walks out of whatever room him and Michael are sleeping in. "What happened in L.A? Luke hasn't said anything besides 'don't ask'." There's distance in his eyes again, I don't like it.

"Is it a good idea then, for you to be talking to me?"

"Don't really care right now when Luke is being an asshole and you're being an actual friend." Calum says finally placing his phone on a table. "Are you okay? We've been worried." 

I nod and catch Calum back up to speed on whats happened, leaving Luke's threat as vague as when he had said it, the possibility that he had broken up with me leaving an aching feeling in my chest. Halfway through the conversation Michael storms downstairs swearing to Calum about leaving him cold in bed. 

"You can't just do that babe, I need love," Michael says walking into view shirtless and just in boxers. "Oh shit, morning Jess." 

I giggle, "Morning." 

"So.. should I change?" Michael says as he sits on the floor anyways, laying his head on Calum's lap.

"So domestic," I mutter raking a hand through  my hair. "How's Ashton?"

Both boys look at each other wide eyed before Michael jumps up, dialing a number into his phone. "We actually don't know, thanks for reminding us," Calum lets out in one breath. "We haven't seen him at all, since Phoenix, won't answer his phone he's not at Anne's." 

"Fucking shit," Michael yells, making me jump. "Calum he's gone."

The color drains from Calum's face, "Look Jess I'm sorry for hanging up on you and I hope you and Luke work shit out but..."

"Go, go find him," I say, feeling helpless myself. Calum hangs up and the screen goes black, leaving me with just myself. 

 

=======

I'm in Dallas for a week and half before I get a call from Luke. I ignore it, too worried about Ashton to focus on Luke. My mom won't let me anywhere near downtown too afraid I'll hop onto the next flight to Sydney to go help look. I go stir crazy, fighting with my parents for just about anything from why I dropped out of college to why I can't get another piercing. I know its stupid I turn twenty anyways in four months, I can just walk out of the house if I want to, but I don't have a car over here and rely on my moms. 

"Go out with one of your old friends," my mother yells at me from the bottom of the stairs one day.

"What friends?" I yell back as my phone begins ringing, pressing ignore and avoiding another call from Luke. His time was up.

"Dinah, Kayla, aren't they your friends?" 

I walk down the stairs, if shes kicking me out of the house for the day... "So your saying I should go out?"

My mom rolls her eyes handing over the keys. "Have fun, don't stay out too late."

 

I go out with my two high school best friends who seem only to care about what I know about the boys. I feed them lies, only giving out stupid truths like what their favorite food or color is.  The want to know who looks better shirtless or if Luke and I have had sex. I find myself miserable bar hopping with them since we can't legally drink. I become fascinated with how the bartenders mix drinks caught up with the fluid movements their hands make. 

"Is it hard?" I question watching one girl toss a bottle of vodka in the air, catching it upside down in time to pour straight into the tumbler. 

"Its a skill gained with a lot of practice and skill," she replies sliding the finished drink towards a girl with blonde hair and a sliver dress. "You interested in bar-tending?"

"A little," I admit, more to myself than to the girl. "Is there any training I would need to become one?"

"Most of it comes from hands on learning," She says taking orders quickly and mixing the drinks just as fast. "But you will need a certification." 

"Thanks," I say as my phone begins buzzing. I look at it prepared to ignore another call from Luke but find that its from Calum. "Calum hey." I wave to the lady and walk out the door, not bothering to find my friends.

"Jessie! Guess what?"

"What? Did you guys find Ash?" I say a bit too loud, a few girls turning their heads to look at me, phones raised. 

"Yes, like literally three hours ago, he went 'camping' and forgot his phone," the way Calum emphasizes camping and forgot lets me know Ashton did it on purpose. 

I sigh, flagging down a taxi, "Is he okay?" 

"Yea, well we're trying to get him to eat but he won't," Calum says and I can hear voices on the other end that sound like Mali and Michael. "I've got to go but I wanted to warn you that Luke is in Dallas."

"What?" I squeak, finally catching a taxis attention. 

"Yea um Mikey let him know you were in Dallas." With that Calum hangs up, leaving me standing halfway in a taxi clutching my phone. _Stupid boy_  , I think darkly. I'm not ready for this. 

"Fuck," I mutter getting into the cab anyways. No wonder he has been calling non-stop.

As I reach my house another texts come in from Luke; 

_can we talk tomorrow?_

_okay._

 

=====

"This place is pretty suspicious," Luke says sliding into the seat across from me. I glare at him from my milkshake. "Okay no being funny."

"This isn't funny Luke," I say sliding the menu towards him, I'd chosen a diner I used to go to with my family for us to meet up at, it was a bit secluded and worn down now which I hoped would led to us not being noticed. Still we sat at a table in the back, sectioned off by a half wall. 

"I know," Luke sobers up. "Jessie I know I screwed up."

I hold up my hand and slide his drink to him. "We eat then talk." 

"American soda, oh my god," Luke says taking a big sip out of it. "Texas soda, the best." I smile, realizing how much I've missed the Luke I first got to know. We order our food and wait silently, when our food comes we eat in silence. 

Luke is the first to speak as we finish eating, "I haven't had proper American food in a long time."

"Really?" I ask too curious.

"Yeah, we try to eat healthy on tour but tours over so greasy food it is." Luke says finishing off my fries. "Can we talk now?"

"Are you going to tell the truth?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I say, "Talk, leave nothing out." 

"Well, Jessie I'm sorry for yelling at you, I just got so frustrated with everyone and it felt like everyone was ganging up on me. I shouldn't have yelled and I didn't mean what I said to you." Luke rushes out, "I'll tell you whatever you want, I'm done keeping things from you. "

I nod, picking at my nails. "So we're not breaking up?" 

"No, god no, I'm stupid I... Jessie I didn't mean that." Luke stutters out, reaching for my hand. I lace my finger with his giving him a small smile. 

"You're not off the hook yet, but I'm not raging mad at you anymore. Now tell me about you an Calum?" I say, squeezing his hand.

Luke lets out a groan, "We don't get along anymore, I doubt we ever will now. We kissed and things got awkward thats all."

"Why did it become awkward? Calum says you basically bullied him afterwards."

"I might have, I was fifteen Jess. I didn't know how to react. I may have been hard on Calum but it was for the best, I was hard on all of them."

"You don't know when to stop Luke," I murmur. "You're both in a band, you have to find some middle ground." I know he's still keeping the whole truth from me, but I it anyways.

"One day, maybe soon." Is all Luke says, taking another sip out of his drink.

"Okay, what about Michael you mentioned him smoking."

"I dared him to try cigarettes and he got hooked for a solid year," Luke mutters taking his hand away from mine. "His mom was so angry, I got grounded for like six months, that was the first time the band almost broke up."

"First time?" I knit my eyebrows together.

"Yea, Michael wanted to quit, he said it wasn't worth it. The fighting and smoking deal," Luke says, pinching his nose. "He doesn't smoke anymore and he'll deny it if you ask. Jessie is that it? Going down memory lane hurts."

"Good, last two things; what about Ashton you can't mean what you said, and is there anything else I should know?" I push a little farther, wanting to know what was going on with the band. He still wasn't giving up everything and he knew it.

"Ashton, he's something else. He never got proper help, just that one time I forced him to go to therapy. He's had a rough life and I think thats what the root of his problems are, I blame myself this time he's tried talking to me and I've been an ass and ignored him." Luke says, quickly paying the bill. "He's never been suicidal, though, but its hard to tell now. The rest should come from him, really Jessie. As for any other things, thats basically it; the whole band hates each other except for Mikey and Cal now. " Luke lets out a bitter laugh, standing up and pulling me up too. _Because of you_ I think bitterly. 

"Okay now you get to meet my parents," I say putting on my sunglasses. 

"What?" Luke stops in his tracks staring at me.

"Consider it your punishment." 

======

"Luke, nice to meet you finally!" 

"We've read so much about you in the magazines." 

"What are your plans if this whole band deal doesn't work out?" 

"Mom please stop talking," I groan hiding behind Luke. I think this is more of a punishment to me, not Luke. Luke fidgets under the attention my parents give him, making sure he eats something and that a soccer game is on the t.v. Even though I know he doesn't care much for sports.

"Its okay," Luke says, letting himself be pulled towards the t.v. I pout looking over at my mom.

"Three days ago you said you were gunna cut him, what happened?"

My mom shrugs, "His accent."

 I groan and follow my family to the living room, sitting next to Luke with enough space between us. This was going to be a long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy thanks for reading this :) it means a lot to me


	15. To Need Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stop staring Jess it's weird," Luke mutters playing with my hair. 
> 
> "But you look so hot baby," I say letting my nails skim over his stomach. 
> 
> He laughs opting to kiss my forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should not be allowed to write anything..... enjoy?

**March.**

I lay with my head on Luke's chest. I just couldn't get into the movie we were watching, and I was cold but he wouldn't turn off the damn fan. 

I lazily traced circles on his hip watching his breathing. He looked gorgeous in the evening light. My heart fluttered a bit, the first reaction I got since we fought over three weeks ago.  Now we were semi permanently living in Australia again, I didn't want to go back to L.A. I look up at him again, smiling slightly at his intense gaze at the t.v. 

"Stop staring Jess it's weird," Luke mutters playing with my hair. 

"But you look so hot baby," I say letting my nails skim over his stomach. 

He laughs opting to kiss my forehead. Opposite of what I want. I sigh casually sneaking my hand up his shirt tracing circles again on his hipbone. Luke's hand sneaks further down tugging on the hem of my own shirt before letting his hand skim my hips. I turn around, kneeling in front of him, leaning down to kiss him. 

"I thought the movie was boring too," Luke mutters before kissing me hard. I bring my hands up to tangle in his head, parting my lips and letting his tongue slip through. I can feel his hands tighten around my waist as I bite down on his lip gently. I roll my hips as I straddle him, grinding down on him, happy when he moans into my mouth. I smile pulling away for a moment to look at his face,"You're beautiful Jessie." I kiss him again letting him lift me up.

I wrap my legs around him his hands on my thighs and kiss his neck sucking a mark on the curve where his neck meets his shoulder. Luke quickens his pace to the bedroom and I laugh as I hear the curses he mutters lowly. "Fuck," He curses loudly as I tug on his hair, tossing me onto the bed. I pout and stand walking over to him. Slowly I pull his shirt over his head, taking in every inch of skin that becomes exposed. "Jessie are you sure you want to do this?"

I nod wrapping my arms around his waist, his hands tightening around my hips. "Mhmm, are you?"

Luke barely gets out "Yes." before I'm kissing him again feeling my body light up as he slides his hands underneath my shirt trailing up until his hands rest underneath my boobs. I raise my arms letting him pull the shirt off. Feeling only a bit exposed I let him push me back onto the bed pinning my arms above me as he leaves kisses down my neck and chest. He continues lower, massaging my boobs as he bites at my hip. I moan letting my hips buck, looking down at him he smirks up at me eyes so dark I can't tell if their blue anymore. With one arm keeping my hands pinned his other moves between my thighs, I them part slowly. Just slowly my pants come off, Luke kissing the inside of my thighs.

He lets go of my arms completely I quickly tangle my fingers in his hair, tugging at him. I can feel Luke's breath hitch against my skin and he looks up at me fingering my underwear. I nod and he kisses my stomach before taking them off carelessly dropping them on the floor.  _This is feels good_ , I think, and I reach down and trace his jaw, sitting up so I'm in line with Luke's torso. "Your turn," I mutter and begin on his own pants leaving my own kisses on his hips. 

I look up at him as he finishes taking off his jeans and smirk at him. He's already hard as I palm at his dick through his boxers, Luke tugging at my hair. I toy with the waistband of his boxers and look up at him, his nod the only thing I need to continue. I slide the boxers off trying not to stare too much at his sudden nakedness. I feel Luke, rather than see him tug me up and soon he's kissing me with fervor one hand on my cheek while the other one undoes the clasp to my bra. I shrug it off more than happy to have the last of my clothing on. "So beautiful," Luke murmurs into my ear his hand moving in between my thighs again, I gasp at the touch as he rubs circles into the inside of my thigh. He kisses down my body, ghosting over my thighs.

I stumble backwards bringing Luke with me on the bed "Gunna make you feel good tonight baby," He whispers as he rubs against my clit. I squirm against him wanting more. 

"More," I let out, arching my back. 

Luke kisses my throat nipping at the skin quickly. "Like this?" He slides a finger into me, I moan against his shoulder biting at the skin softly. I nod not trusting for any coherent words to come out. Feeling a second finger slip in I reach down for Luke stroking his dick a few times, "Fuck," he moans against me biting my shoulder. He stills and I let go looking down into his eyes. "Hold on," He slides his fingers out of me and rolls off the bed. I watch him rummage around the nightstand before he pulls out a condom quickly slipping it on. 

He climbs back into bed but I push him down, throwing a leg over so I can straddle him. His hands wander over my body, squeezing my ass and cupping my boobs. I grind down on him leaving marks down his chest as I scratch and grip at his biceps. I feel him slide his fingers back in me and I meet him in the middle for a heated kiss. I groan into his mouth sucking on his lower lip, the metal of his lip ring cold against my lips. Pushing his hands away from me I inch down his body, kissing his chest, then hips. I look up at him, his eyes closed and breathing heavy. I take him in my mouth, teasing, drawing circles with my tongue. I suck in gently, getting a moan from Luke in response. 

He tugs at my hair. "C'mere." I pull back tracing his member with a finger. He pulls me closer, turning me over tracing my eyebrows, "Fuck Jessie, I want to be in you," 

"Do it," I gasp out, thrusting my hips up. He sneaks down my body leaving feather light kisses. He grips my thighs tight, sucking a mark into one of them. I can feel my legs shaking as I card my finger through his hair. He rushes back up, lining up with my entrance and slowly pushes in. 

I suck in a breath as he bottoms out, gripping at his biceps so tight I know my nails will leave marks. "You okay princess?" He whispers pushing my bangs out of my face. I close my eyes letting myself adjust to the feeling. Wrapping my legs around him I let out the breath.

"Yea," he pulls out halfway sliding back in slowly, setting a slow pace. I meet him every other thrust kissing him whenever he looks at me. I squirm and move under him clutching at the sheets as he goes faster our breathes getting more shallow. I can feel a burning heat low in my stomach forming.

"Faster," I moan and Luke obliges thrusting in and out of me faster, harder, and more sloppily. I wrap my legs around his waist tighter trying to feel more. I toss my arms around his neck as he moans, messily kissing me all tongue and teeth. 

"Jessie...Fuck... I'm gunna," Luke stills his arms shaking as he comes dropping his head onto my chest I can feel his heart racing, we're both breathing hard. I card my fingers through his hair letting him come down from his orgasm. I feel annoyed that I wasn't able to come myself. "Sorry, I'm probably heavy," Luke mutters rolling off me. I reach mindlessly down my legs trying to find my own release. Unable too, I groan and throw my head back, staring at the ceiling. Fuck.

Luke comes back sliding underneath the covers, I follow suddenly cold again. "Come here," Luke pulls me towards him and snuggle against his chest. He yawns and wraps his arms around me already dozing off to sleep, "I love you."  I press a kiss to his shoulder satisfied with the marks littering his shoulder and neck. I trace one lazily and fall asleep myself. 

 

=================

I fell more in love with Sydney each time I came over here. Now living here for almost two weeks I searched to find the best places to eat and shop, dragging Luke to a places he hadn't tried yet. I sat in the backyard, dressed in just one of his flannels and socks letting a cool breeze move my hair out of my face. I tucked my knees under me listening to the sound of the ocean. 

I played the night over in my head searching for a reason I myself wasn't satisfied, I was still very frustrated. I frowned at the ocean, crossing my arms over my chest.  _Why didn't I feel anything_? The marks on my hips and neck were nice and I was turned on by seeing my boyfriend naked. But where was the spark, it'd felt more like a one night stand then something intimate. I shake my thoughts from my head,  _no we just rushed it_ I try to reason but the voice in the back of my head is yelling the truth at me. I selfishly ignore it. 

Standing up I finger the necklace Luke gave me at Halloween. Why was saying I love you so hard?

=========================

I wake up first the next morning to find Luke one the other side of the bed hogging up the blankets. I tug at them, trying to make Luke move but he doesn't budge. I roll my eyes and trace his jawline leaving open mouthed kisses. I get an idea and scoot closer to him pressing kisses to his throat and chest smiling when I see the dark marks against his skin mingling with the red scratches of my nails. I pull the blankets over my head trying to move in between Luke's legs.

"Jess what.."

"Shh, morning babe," I murmur against his hip, tugging gently at his dick. He responds right away a hand in my hair as he hardens in my hand. I stoke him and leave kisses on his stomach. I move in between him properly as his legs widen for me, using my hands to hold his hips down. 

Slowly I take him into my mouth, aching to feel something. I suck him off, taking him in more and hollowing out my cheeks. Flicking at his tip I hear Luke curse. "Jess I'm not gunna last long." His hips buck up and it takes my strength to not stumble back. Luke pulls at my hair as I blow on the tip making him shudder. I take him back in my mouth sucking quickly, digging my hands into his hips. I use one hand to stroke at his base, smiling when I hear Luke's rapid breathing. I suck harder taking in more of him. The words that fall out of his mouth make me want to moan. 

The covers get lifted off of me and I look at Luke through my eyelashes. Its enough to send him reeling, he throws his head  back gripping at my hair. "Jessie, fuck, I love you." He shudders and I pull back a little letting him come in my mouth. "Jessie I love you, god." He moans sitting up. I sallow instead of answering. 

"Your turn," He mutters after a few minutes, reaching for me. I giggle as he presses me into the bed, arching my back as his kisses travel downwards towards my thighs then into my center. His tongue presses into me,  hands gripping my thighs tight.  I moan and let myself get lost in the moment. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo..... thanks for reading :) minor plot advancement the worst is yet to come


	16. Emergency Awards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Luke," I say walking towards him. "Ashton needs you." What I see and what the cameras won't, what the audience won't, are the tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops?? :(

**May**.

I adjust my dress in the car, fumbling with the heavy skirt.  I sigh trying to  unhook my bracelet from my dress.  _Damn dress_ , I think, _damn me agreeing to this_. The car is filled with tense silence, Luke and Calum as far away as possible. Ashton sits next to Michael, head hanging his long hair covering his face. Luke sits next to me, hand on my knee and leg shaking. I tug on my bracelet again about ready to say fuck it and tear the dress.

"Here," Calum murmurs swiftly unhooking the bracelet from the dress. Luke is quick to shove his hand away and I grimace at Luke before smiling. 

"Thank you." 

All of us go back to staring out the windows.  This was not how I had imagined my first red carpet. What were they even fighting about this time? 

"When don't they fight," Ashton mutters and I become aware I'd must have spoken out loud. I really need to stop doing that. "Tell her Luke what you said about Mike and Cal." 

Luke's grip on my knee tightens, I peel his hand off not really wanting a bruise. "It was nothing."

"It was damn well something dick," Calum says flexing his arms. 

"No punches in the car," I kick Calum and send a pleading look to Michael. He gives me a pained look, shrugging his shoulders.  _I can't help at this point_ , he mouths at me.

"I called Calum and Michael's relationship a threat to the band," Luke grits out opting to play with my hair.

"Quite it," I snap. "Hands to yourself, all of you." 

"Your a fucking threat to the band," Calum whispers. 

"Calum..." 

"Sorry." 

"Jess, I hope you have fun walking the red carpet." I hear Ashton say, I reach for his hand and don't let go until I can hear the crowds of screaming fans and the flashes of cameras going off. 

"Showtime boys, put on your best smile." 

\-----------

Luke reaches his hand out for me and I step out of the car tentatively. It would be my luck if I tripped on my skirt and fell. I could see the evening headlines now making me cringe. The other three boys were a few steps ahead waiting, slightly posed since cameras were flashing like crazy, fans and reporters screaming at them.

"Don't be nervous babe," Luke murmurs into my ear wrapping a hand around my waist. I nod and start walking. As we reach the other three they smile and I realize just how good of actors they are. For the better part of three years they've been acting like the best of friends while they can't even look at each other without fighting. 

I look at Luke sadly we fight constantly now, over little things that get thrown out of proportion. Now I haven't felt that same spark I did almost six months ago when we kissed in the snow.   Did this die because of the fighting? I try to think back, to make sense of the mess that was Luke and I's relationship. I take in his profile the way he smiles at the fans giving a wave, and tighten my hold on his hand. 

"Jessie," I feel someone poke my side and I focus back to the real world. 

"Earth to Jessie," I hear Michael laugh and I glare over to him. "She's a bit in awe, it being her first time walking the red carpet." I focus again and see him talking to a fan who is smiling towards me.

I laugh and walk over to where they stand, "Hey."

The girls eyes widen as she stares from me to Michael then back to me. "Can, can I have a picture with you two?"

Michael nods and I answer, "Yea sure."  We take the picture with her before waving to a couple of fans. I was shocked they wanted to take pictures with me, I was no one. 

"Don't look so scared Jess, it'll be over soon." Michael says grinning as we catch up to the rest of the group. "Don't trip and fall."

"Of course not." I say and wave to the crowd earning some screams and coo's. Michael laughs shoving me gently towards Luke. We continue our banter down the red carpet, making jokes to get the boys to laugh.

Its hot, like extremely hot. Why couldn't they do this at night, I think feeling the sweat drip down my back. I try to pull discreetly at the leather top of my dress to make it un-stick from my body. I feel awkward as I listen to the boys talk about an new single about to be released all smiles and animated gestures.  _How are all these other girls not sweating rivers?_  

"So Jessie are you hoping your boyfriend over here wins all the awards?" I let out a laugh, putting my hand over my mouth. 

"I hope the whole band wins all the awards."

"She's so sweet Luke, you're lucky to have her." 

"I know, shes the best thing that happened to me." I let Luke pull me into a hug kissing me cheek lightly.  I feel like a con. 

=======================

I wait backstage with the boys. They're presenting another award before they preform themselves so we kill time backstage instead of in the audience. I stay away from the different entrances for the stages, staying away from the cameras, sleep deprived managers, glowing celebrities, and angry looking security. At least they didn't stop me like the last time. 

"Hey your Jessie right," I spin around to see a Niall Horan standing in front of me.  _Holy shit_. 

"Um yea, yea I am." I stutter out. 

"Nice to finally meet Luke's girlfriend, bloody idiot is so rude." I laugh nod my head. 

"So usually it would be the other way around, but wanna take a picture with me?" I practically die then and there, a member of One Direction noticing me? Maybe I am a bit more known then what I know.

"Absolutely. "

 

"Hey I'm coming in," I say as I open the door to the greenroom. I needed to take a break from the backstage area, everyone running around and Luke wondering off every other minute to talk about something with someone that was very important. Important my ass. 

I am not expecting to see a tear stained Ashton sitting on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. There are beer bottles littering the floor, an open bottle of pills on the table. "Ashton, shit whats wrong." I rush over to him, kneeling down. He shakes his head, shakily running a hand through his hair. 

I pull myself up onto the couch next to him, tugging him into my arms. He relents and I can see the irritated skin from where his sleeve has risen up. I sallow the lump in my throat and stroke his hair. It falls out in chunks now, and I'm appalled at the boys and myself for letting this go on so long. "Ashton love whats wrong, talk to me. Its okay, shh." I whisper, trying to get him to stop crying. I can feel the tears fall down my own face, my heart breaking. I should've stepped in a long time ago.

"Can't stop Jess. I want to get better, " He buries his face into my lap, the grip he has on my leg painful. I rub his back, waiting it out. "I'm so fucking useless, can't even get my band to work together. Jessie I want it to end."

"Want what to end love?" I murmur scared of his answer. 

He raises his head, and I take a good look at him. His eyes are bloodshot, pupils dilated, no amount of makeup at this point can cover up the dark circles now and he's so thin, my breathe hitches in my throat the little voice in the back of my head shouting at me that something isn't right. "Everything."

"Everything?" I repeat back.

"Jessie I want to die," He lets out another sob, crying harder. I stay as I am, too shocked to do anything except to hold him close. What caused this, I feel sick myself but force myself to stay in check. "I can't go on, it isn't worth it. I want the pain to end. 'M so sad all the time."

His words bring me back to reality and I'm pushing the hair out of his eyes, wiping the tears. "Don't speak like that Ashton, there are people that care about you outside this room. Tell me why are you hurting so much." 

" 'M not good enough for anyone, the band, my family, friends. Myself." Ashton whispers, letting out another sob. I cry to because this is too much, I can't help him by myself. 

"Ashton we need to tell the others, you need help. Please we can help you, you're not alone." He shakes his head violently, moving away from me. I reach for him but he curls into himself, shaking his head.

"No, I'm fine, look," He wipes at his face giving me a weak smile. "Jessie I'm okay, just drunk."

"No, no you're not," I say standing up. "I'm telling Luke, hell I'm telling all three of them."

Ashton crumbles again grabbing my wrist. "No don't tell them. Not today they're all tense and I don't want to ruin the show." I look at him, torn between bolting out of the door and telling Luke or staying with him until one of the boys finds us. "Please Jessie don't tell them, I'm okay I swear."

"No, no you're not."

"I know."

"I... you can't ask that of me Ash, please." 

"Jessie you can tell them after, just not right now. Please." I nod and Ashton lets out a shaky breath giving me a hug. I hold him, feeling him let out shaky breathes against my shoulder. Just a few more hours then I can tell the other three. This could be the worst thing I've ever done. 

============

I'm sitting in the audience when it happens. 

Everything starts out fine, a Disney star makes some joke about them having only five seconds of whatever and then the lights are dimming and I can hear the first chords of Calum's bass followed by both Michael and Luke. I hold my hands to my face, biting my lip silently praying that everything goes okay. There's the crash of the cymbals and I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. He's there, he's playing. 

The spotlights flicker on, bathing the band in light. I watch them with pride as they jam out, looking as if they hadn't fought just an hour ago. Michael dances around the stage, keeping close to Calum while Luke stays in the center gripping the mic tightly as he sings. I cheer them on, standing up to see them better. I get comfortable clapping and dancing to the music and mouthing along with the song. 

I watch it happen in slow motion. Everything starts off great as Ashton begins his solo. I blink and I watch him slip, eyes closed as he falls to ground bringing down one of the drums with him. I don't scream just suck in a breath as I clutch my chest. Calum is the first to notice running towards him and shouting something that the mic doesn't pick up. His bass lays on the floor, neck broken and strings starting to curl. Michael's voice gets picked up by the mic and he's shouting for help; "Go to fucking commercial, turn off the damn lights! He needs help." The lights turn off one by one until Luke's is the only one on, and he looks scared. 

He doesn't move, just stares into the crowd his knuckles white from gripping the mic stand to hard. His blank stare is what get me out of my trance, I don't remember running but I'm there  trying to climb onto the stage, I'm glad the security guard recognizes me because he helps me up just as the last spotlight goes off. "Luke," I say walking towards him. "Ashton needs you." What I see and what the cameras won't, what the audience won't, are the tears streaming down his face and he's shaking so much that it takes me while to pry the mic stand away. I let it fall not caring about the awful sound it makes. I tug him off stage, we're both in autopilot just trying to get backstage. 

As we make it backstage I can already here someone making a joke, the audience laughing. _The show must go on_ , I think darkly. 

 

"Where are they, we need to get to them!" I yell, shoving people away so me and Luke can pass. I flip off the people that give us dirty looks. Luke stays silent and I'm scared he'll faint if he tries to speak. Theres too many people looking at us, I feel like I can't breathe but I press on searching for my friends.

"Michael, Calum," I yell again and soon theres a guard running towards us as well as one of their managers. 

"Jessie calm down, its okay calm down," the man says trying to put his hand on m shoulder. 

"Don't, don't tell me to calm  down," I say higher then I intended making people turn and stare at us. 

"Turn off Luke's headset, I bet this can be heard all the way in the main stage." The guard is quick yanking off Luke's in ears and mic and turning it off. He just stands there blank but at least the tears have stopped. 

"Where's Ashton?" I try again. 

"Being police escorted to the hospital, Calum is with him Michael is waiting in the car for you guys," the guard says motioning to us to follow him. I tug Luke again before breaking into a sprint. We wind down the halls and makeshift rooms, before we're out the back entrance. 

I'm stopped short as the door catches the end of my skirt, I can hear the paparazzi shouting at us as well as Michael and in my frustration I pull on the fabric the ripping sound loud to my ears. Oh well, I shouldn't have worn a long dress to the AMA's. Soon I'm in the car the guard slamming the door as soon Luke is in. 

"Buckle up I'm driving," Michael says as he pressing on the gas, shooting through the open gate at 80 mph. I don't bother to ask when he learned to drive or if he has his license. 

============

Calum's pacing the hospital waiting room when we run in. Michael is quick to reach him pulling him into a hug before kissing him long and hard, gripping his jaw. I rest against the wall feeling a little more than car sick and dizzy from Michael's driving, I have never seen someone run as many red-lights as Michael did. Luke doesn't fair too well either looking slightly green. 

I point to the bathroom and he's running towards it hand over mouth. I slump into a chair inspecting my torn dress as Michael soothes Calum, running a hand through the taller boy's hair. I let the my own tears fall then, hating myself. I let this happen, I should've told the boys before they went onstage, hell I should've told them as of Christmas. "Jessie shh it'll be okay," Michael says wrapping me up into a hug. I really sob then, as both Michael and Calum try to comfort me. "Please don't cry its not your fault."

"Yes it is," I say weakly, "He told me..."

"Told you want Jess?" Calum says giving me a weird look. When I don't speak Calum shakes me slightly, "Jessie what did he tell you?"

"That he wanted to die," my voice is barely a whisper but I can tell both boys heard me as the color drains from their cheeks. We all turn as the bathroom door slams and a shaky looking Luke walks out, pale with his hair in his face. 

"How is he?" Is the first thing Luke says since the performance.  I look at Calum hoping he won't be that asshole and not tell Luke anything. 

"Honestly don't know mate, they rushed him to the ER as soon as he was through the doors, doctor said his heartbeat was too low. " Calum's voice shakes and he walks over to the other side of the room and sits down, Michael following a step later. Calum drops his head in his hands, Michael rubbing his back in circles.

"I think I'll go get coffee," Luke mutters and leaves me sitting by myself. 

 

 

The minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days. The evening stretches on turning into night, each one of us taking turns to get food and coffee. By nine at night we're wired and restless but no one will tell us anything.

"Please, just let us know if he's alive," Luke pleads to a stray nurse, "We're his emergency contacts."

"I'm sorry  I'm not operating on him," She says giving us glance. I try to beg her with my eyes and hope she can read my thoughts.

She sighs, looking at the four of us, "I'll see if there's a nurse who can come out and talk to you."

Michael and I slump back into the chairs letting Calum and Luke pace it out. I watch them with wary eyes, they're too tense. "If you had only listened to him when he wanted to talk to you Luke, we wouldn't be here." Calum says angrily pointing a finger at Luke.

"Why am I to blame for this, none of us knew," Luke bites back standing still. 

"Jessie knew, and you didn't listen to her," Calum points to me and I wish I could just sink into the ground. "Fuck Jessie why didn't you say anything?"

"It was obvious guys, don't blame Jessie for this one. We all knew, we all saw it but we did nothing, so shut up Calum," I stare at Michael who's standing up now arms crossed. He looks incredibly pissed off I wouldn't want to be in his line of fire. "Luke you need to stop caring only when things get really bad." I actually couldn't believe he was putting his boyfriend and band-mate in place. "You need to stop breaking us and pretend to care and try and fix us up."

"You have no right to say that," Luke hisses walking over to Michael. Calum quickly follows jaw clenched. I consider calling security, or maybe their moms. 

"Thats bullshit and you know it," Michael laughs, fucking laughs and I stand up motioning to Calum to help. I tug at Luke's sleeve trying to get him to focus on me. Calum just stares at me, anger burning in his dark eyes.

"Fuck off Jessie, you shouldn't be here." 

"She can be here if she wants to be prick."

"Anyone here for an Ashton Irwin?"

"ME!" We yell in unison turning to face the nurse. She walks towards us timidly, we must have scared her with the yelling. 

"So um Mr. Irwin has been out of surgery for an hour now but we weren't sure who really was the emergency contact. But um the news isn't pretty." 

"Please just tell us," I say, gripping onto Michael's arm. He looks down at me, pulling me under his arm.

"Okay so he was pretty drunk and he had taken a few too many painkillers, so we had to pump out his stomach. Next he is severely under weight for a man his height and the doctor found several cuts on his wrists, so I have to ask did Mr. Irwin have a history of self harm? Or eating disorders?" The nurse looks pained as she says this, as if she really can't believe what she just read. I honestly couldn't believe it either, by the looks on the other boys' faces I can tell they hadn't thought it was that bad as well.

Luke takes a deep breathe looking at me before looking at Calum and Michael, "I knew yes, and I didn't do anything about it. He self harmed when I was younger and I tried to get him help, I guess it didn't work." 

"Luke," Calum begins but Luke doesn't let him finish.

"The other boys didn't know and Jessie only knew what Ashton told her, they were a bit close." The nurse nods and writes things down, probably for an official statement. 

"The doctor will be right out." The nurse leaves, leaving us alone with our thoughts.

"I never thought he would develop an eating disorder," Luke mutters low so only I can hear, I shake my head but keep silent. He knew.

A few moments later the doctor comes walking out, scribbling more things into the clipboard. "Luke Hemmings?"

"Yes?"

"I see you are Ashton's next of kin when in the states is that correct?"

"Yes sir, along with Calum and Michael." Luke walks over to the doctor looking confused.

"Well they are emergency contacts, only to be called in case of emergencies. You on the other hand were written as Ashton's proxy in the states, meaning you can decide whether he under goes surgeries, gets put on life support, you follow?"

"Yea, I think so," Luke says taking my hand. 

"Well, Mr. Hemmings I need you to decide something for me, even though Ashton can decide this legally we're stripping that right away for the moment since he is in need of serious help; Are you willing to send Ashton to rehab for Anorexia, depression, along with its side effects and drug use?" 

I look at Luke, Ashton must have been in bad shape for the doctors to override whatever Ashton chose. I give Luke's hand a squeeze as he looks around the room, before catching Calum's eye. Calum nods once before turning away, burying his head into Michael's shoulder. "Yes, I think he should go to proper rehab."

"Thank you Mr. Hemmings, you can see Ashton in a few minutes." The doctor collects all of their signatures, before making Luke sign the papers of release so Ashton can go to rehab. 

"I guess I need to call Anne?" Luke says staring at the space above me, I tiptoe kissing him on the cheek.

"Yes, his mom deserves, no needs, to know."

===============

I sat in the plastic chair alone in Ashton's room. I told the boys to give me five minutes alone with him, never mind that he was knocked out cold from the drugs. He looked bad, too pale with dull hair and sunken eyes. But he was breathing and alive, I thought to myself, he will get better. 

I rested my hand on his tracing senseless patterns into his skin. "You will get better Ashton, your band needs you, I need you. Your family needs you," I wipe the tears from my eyes, reaching for a sharpie I knew the boys carried for autographs. I draw a butterfly on his wrist careful to mind the bandages and write in the neatest handwriting I have; keep fighting.

I move the hair out of face watching him shift a bit, his eyelids fluttering. "Please Ashton keep fighting."  I press a kiss to his forehead and walk back out of the room. 


	17. Fight For the Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was thinking maybe 5 Seconds of Summer could take an extended break." Luke says letting out a humorless laugh.

**End of May**. 

The flash of cameras blind me as I stumble out of the hotel, Luke holding on to my waist tightly as Calum and Michael walked ahead of us, heads down. It was too early and I was too tired, but California never seems to notice.  For two weeks we had been staying in L.A and Beverly Hills watching Ashton recover enough so he could go to rehab. 

That day had finally arrived. 

 

The car ride is silent as we fiddle around with our phones, too nervous to speak. I scroll through twitter trying to ignore the people who say its my fault Ashton is in the hospital, sometimes I believe them because it is my fault. As I scroll the rumors get worse and the hashtags get even more worse. I lock my phone quickly, shoving it into my bag. 

"What is it?" Luke asks looking over at me.

"Nothing, just twitter drama," I sigh stretching out my legs, tangling them with Michael's. 

"Oh."

I frown and face the window, street signs blurring past me. 

\-----------

"Ashton, hey mate," Luke calls as we walk into the room. The blonde sits by the window dressed in a sweater and joggers. He holds a journal loosely in one hand, a pen in the other.

"Hey guys" Ashton says, frowning at the bags I am holding. Calum and Michael hover in the doorway, worry etched on their faces. 

"Ash you know that thing we discussed a week ago?" Luke says sitting next to the older guy. 

"The rehab thing?" Ashton says, setting down the journal in his hands. 

"Yea," Luke starts, "Well today is when you get moved to a center in Beverly Hills."

"You were serious?" Ashton gives Luke a confused look, sitting up straighter.

"Yea man, I was. Come on you're already released," Luke stands up offering a hand.

"I'm not going."

"What? The hell you are," Luke quips picking up the few things Ashton was allowed to have in the recovery unit he was staying in. 

"Please don't fight him Ash," Calum says placing a hand on Ashton. Ashton shoves off the hand, standing up. I sit on the bed, dropping the bags onto the floor. I stare blankly at wall, the boys arguing fading into the distance.  _slut, better off dead, poor Ashton, Jessie did this_ , and other things float around my mind. I hadn't told Luke or anyone else that I was getting the brunt of the hate since the AMA's but now it was taking its toll and I was ready to scream at the four boys bickering, no yelling at each other. Didn't anyone leave us alone.

"I don't need to go to rehab Luke, I am fine, a-okay. So what if I messed up one time?" Ashton says his voice raising higher. 

"This isn't one time Ashton, this is the third and its gotten worse." Luke gives out a frustrated groan, pulling at his hair. 

"Just fucking listen Ashton, you need professional help," Michael argues, the dead-ness in his voice making up for lack of anger. 

"No."

I stand up and walk over, watching for a few moments while Calum yells something about them doing the right thing and that Ashton just needs to think for a second. "Guys, please quite down." I say walking into the middle of the group.  _How did I always end up as the mediator_? I was tired of fixing things.

Luke chews on lip nodding, while Calum rolls his eyes storming off into the hallway. Michael shrugs moving to the doorway, yelling at Calum to come back. "Ashton lets think about this for a minute okay, look at me." I take Ashton's hand as he looks away from me. 

"Come one Ash, listen to us for a minute. Please?" Luke pleads quietly. Ashton finally looks at us and I can see the sadness in his eyes. Rehab better help him dammit. He nods quickly sitting back down. 

"Ashton you told me you wanted to die two weeks ago, then collapsed. It broke my heart seeing you like that, I don't want it to happen again. You need to get better bug," I say using an old nickname the boys used to use on him. He quirks his eyebrows up, before giving a smile. I tear up again," Please Ashton, I don't like seeing you like this, none of us do and their crap at showing it. Just keep fighting."

"Shh," Ashton whisper wiping a tear off my cheek. I suck in a breathe, grasping Luke's hand to find something to ground me.

"Please mate, we care about you and no one deserves to hurt like you did," Luke's voice cracks before he's sliding down next to me on the floor. Ashton eyes us both, before he wipes Luke's cheek and throws his arms around my boyfriend.

"Okay." 

\-----------------------------

We all say goodbye to Ashton at the rehab place, Michael even shedding a few tears. Its Luke Ashton clings to though, not letting go of his arm as we walk around the place, then hugging Luke the longest before the nurse came to chide at us to leave. We continue to hang around until one of the doctors comes out to tell us Ashton is in goods hands and that we can visit twice a week. 

Outside there's major paparazzi, all waiting for us to come out. Luke pulls me to his chest so my face is covered from the cameras. Calum pushes ahead, shoving a few stray cameramen that come just a bit too close him. I cling to Luke just craving comfort at this point. We escape into the car, trying to block out their voices.

"Our managers are going to want to talk to us," Michael mumbles, clutching Calum's leg. Calum caresses him hand, dropping a kiss on Michael's temple.

"We'll talk about that when it happens."

I decide to doze off, settling myself into the crook of Luke's neck. A nap back to the beach should relax me.

\------------

"So what are we going to do now?" Calum asked, staring at Luke.

"What do you mean; what are we going to do?" I watch Luke grip the can of soda in his hand, eyes red rimmed. 

"Ashton is in rehab for the better part of four months, we have work to do." 

"So we put things on hold for four months, take a nice long vacation," I shake my head. Here we go again. 

"Why don't we all just go to sleep?" Michael questions loudly, flopping onto the couch. Yes that is a good idea.

"Fuck off Mike," Luke snaps. I watch Calum's eyes narrow, his stance already tensing up.

"Don't tell him to fuck off, we wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't overworked us," Calum grits his jaw, stepping into Luke's space. "If you had paid a little more attention to your band mates than fucking your girlfriend this wouldn't have happened." 

 _Um ouch_. "I'm right here Calum," I snap opting to join Michael on the couch. He tucks me under his arm muttering sorry. "Its not your fault," I whisper leaning into his touch. 

"Don't speak about Jessie like that," Luke says squaring up. Michael and I look at each, wide eyed. "Shes your friend too, last time I check."

"You need to stay out of other people's business," Calum scoffs, stabbing Luke in the chest with his finger. "I don't know why I'm even in this band, all you do is yell at us or ignore us, the drama is not worth the stress... I could be a footie player right -"

Luke's hand connects with Calum's face, the sharp sound lingering in the air. Calum stares Luke for a solid five seconds before he's punching Luke in the stomach, catching him off guard. I sit gaping along side Michael as both boys throw messy punches, each getting the other in the face once. I nudge Michael, unable to do anything. 

"Guys, fucking stop!" He yells, moving slowly to the kitchen where Calum has Luke pinned to the fridge. Luke claws at Calum's arm, desperately trying to pry him off, he kicks at him connecting his foot to Calum's knee. Calum just tightens his grip, raising his other arm for a punch. I watch Luke land a solid slap to Calum's face. My feet take me to the edge of the kitchen, mere steps away from them. I can't do anything to stop them.

"Mike.." Calum warns, Michael goes for it anyways, wrapping his hands around Calum's torso, managing to pin down an arm. "This isn't over Luke!" Calum struggles until they reach the back door, when Michael plants a kisses to Calum's cheeks and forehead. I stare at the couple, nodding to Michael. They disappear, Calum still yelling. I was completely done with this band. 

 

 

 

"Ouch, shit Jessie," I grab Luke's jaw tighter pressing an ice pack against his cheek, he squirms trying to turn his head away but I just straddle him watching him still. "That thing is cold." He says weakly.

"If you would stop squirming I wouldn't have to hold it on you for so long." I snap letting go of his jaw. Two bruises are already forming under his jaw and eye, his eyes slightly swollen. He has a few scratches and will probably have a few other bruises but he'll live. I take in his appearance and shake my head.

"What? Why do you look so disappointed?" Luke questions, grabbing the ice away from me. I scoot off him and let out a dry laugh.

"Maybe because I am. This shouldn't have happened." 

"You know Calum and I don't get along," Luke stands up shoving the ice pack back into the freezer. 

"I told you to start fixing that," I sit down at the breakfast table, putting my head in my hands. "This could've been avoided, Ashton going to rehab, hell Ashton overdosing shouldn't have happened."

"None of that shit shouldn't have happened Jessie," Luke snaps raising his voice, "But what can I do about it at this point, how do you think I feel about almost losing Ashton, you have never asked." I stare back shocked, I blink slowly processing his words. He is right I never asked how he was doing or how all the band fighting was affecting him, add that to the many reasons I was a horrible person. I had only been thinking about myself.

"Well I'm asking now," I say quietly. 

"I feel horrible, Michael was right I didn't care until it was too late, like last time." Luke sits next to and I automatically reach for his hand out of habit now. "It keeps me up at nigh Jess about how wrong all this could've turned out."

"Luke whatever your thinking know it wasn't because of you," I say gently "I'm just as much at fault too."

"No Jessie don't bring yourself into this, Ashton may of came to you for help but this isn't your fault."

"I saw the pills and liquor bottle, I was there when he... when," I stop clenching my hands, trying to even out my breath. Luke stands up bringing me to his chest, he strokes my hair until I calm down and the tears aren't running down my face anymore.

"Stop blaming yourself Jessie, he made you not tell anyone," Luke murmurs into my ear rubbing my back.

"What are you going to do now?" I mutter, drawing back a little.

"With what?" 

"The band, Ash is out for almost four months." If Luke notices the subject change he doesn't call me out on it.

"I was thinking maybe 5 Seconds of Summer could take an extended break." Luke says letting out a humorless laugh.

"What do you mean?"

"Having the band going on an indefinite hiatus, anything we do right now will be half assed or no good without having Ashton, we can't record without him, and definitely cannot preform without him. I think we should all just get ourselves straightened out and see what happens with the band from there. " I nod following along, it does make sense, they can't do anything without having Ashton there and after that... well a lot of problems need to be fixed.

"It makes sense," I agree. 

"Maybe we can finally find an apartment to live in," Luke says in a rush, not meeting my eyes his cheeks turning pink.  _What_?

"Like to live in. Together?" I question.

"Erm yeah, 

"Thats kind of a big step there." I swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling nervous. Where did this come from. 

"Yea I know, but I think we're ready." Luke says softly taking my hand. "Hell we could live in Phoenix."

"Phoenix isn't my home," I sigh, not wanting to have this conversation. "What about Sydney?" 

"Sydney's... Sydney. Would you even be willing to move that far? I won't be home most of the time." Luke says watching me. Yea sure I would be willing, I think to myself, and even in Phoenix he wouldn't be with me all the time. 

"Can we talk about this later?" I ask meekly just as my starts going off. "Hold on." I answer my phone with relief. "Mikey hey!" I walk into the next room leaving Luke sitting confused, a weight lifts off my shoulders and I finally feel like I can breath again. 

"Hey Jess, mind coming over to the studio?" 

"Not at all," I chirp ready to be anywhere but here. "Let me get my keys."

"Lovely, see you soon." We hang up and I run back into the kitchen to get my keys and purse. I kiss Luke messily on the forehead, watching the black eye thats forming. "Bye."

"Where you going?" 

"To the studio with Mike." I say bolting out the garage door, laughing as I hear Luke yelling after me.  _Oops._  

\----------------------------------

"Jessie!"

"Michael!" I pull Michael into a hug, so far he's the only one that doesn't make me want to run back to Texas. We sit down on a couch in the studio, sheets of music paper lying around along with the boys' different instruments. Its all pretty and home-y feeling, there's even blankets. 

"Wheres Calum?" I ask kicking my feet up into Michael's lap. 

"Putting frozen vegetables on his face," Michael says with a chuckle. "We drove back to the hotel, apparently we never checked out." 

"Sucks, I've been icing Luke's black eye too."

"Fucking idiots, sucks to be the one who takes care of the other person sometimes." Michael says letting a sigh. I watch him lean back and stare into the recording booth, he tugs at his now blonde hair every few seconds and I have the urge to remove his hands and play with it myself. 

I don't. "Yea it does."

"Calum's really thinking about quitting the band," I barely hear Michael but I catch enough of the sentence to gasp.

"What, really?" 

"Yeah, it takes a lot of talking, well screaming actually to get him to stay. That and blowjobs," Michael adds rather bluntly and I smack his arm.

"I'd rather not know about you and Calum's sex life." I shift around until I'm tucked under his arm again and Michael's playing with my hair the turquoise long faded into a greenish blonde. 

"Why not its interesting, who knew he was so flexible," Michael laughs as I cringe, remembering the day that I'd caught them. That isn't to say I haven't walked in on them in very compromising positions again. 

"I'm still scared for life, by the way," I say. We both laugh the mood lightening up for a bit. "Would you quit too?"

"Quit what?" 

"The band," I whisper looking up at Michael, his green eyes stare down at me sadness written all over them. I knew what he would do then.

"I don't know Jessie, I love Calum but I put a lot into this band, we all did except for Calum, he always had footie, might still have it too." I nodded this was a tricky topic for him but I could see he's mind was already made up. He would follow Calum wherever he went.  "Hey why don't we go dye your hair again? This seaweed green is looking bad." 

I stand up laughing, "Yea sure why not, I'll buy drinks afterwards."

"Did you take Luke's card again?"

"Maybe," I say drawing out the word, already thinking about what color to dye my hair. 

\------------

I'm scrolling through instagram while Michael gets our drinks. My newly dyed purple hair falls into my face as I read the comments under a picture Luke posted last week of the two of us people watching. I vaguely remember Michael having taken it, saying we looked like a tumblr picture or something. 

The comments were mostly good but there were the few bad ones that stuck out to me. Mostly asking why I was still with Luke or why wasn't Luke with Ashton instead of being with me. 

"Whatcha looking at," Michael places the drinks in front of me, snatching my phone out of my hands. "Oh hey I took that picture."

I stick my tongue out at him grabbing my phone back. "I know."

"You know you really shouldn't read the comments." I stare back at Michael blankly. "I saw what you were doing Jessie, its okay to read the comments just not all the time."

I down my drink, wanting to forget everything for a moment. "Is it my fault?"

"Your fault what?"

"That Ashton is in rehab, that he overdosed," I grit the words out, blinking my eyes quickly. I wasn't going to cry. 

Michael gapes at me for a solid second before he pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back as I start crying again. "What? No, is that what people are saying? Listen Jess, its not your fault."

"How do you know?" I ask glumly, stirring the straw around in my empty drink. 

"Because I know you, and listen here if anything it should be us, the bands fault. We're with him twenty five, eight not you. Please don't beat yourself up about it." I nod wiping at my eyes, Michael lets me go, downing his drink as well.

"I want to go home." 

"Okay lets head back to the house." Michael says, dropping some bills onto the table.

"No I want to go to Dallas." I whisper but Michael's already walking to the door, unaware of what I just said. I follow him slowly counting the seconds before I would be met with fans and cameras again. 

\---------------

When we reach the house its empty, Luke nowhere to be seen.  Michael and I both kick off our shoes and head out to the back patio. I watch him grab two beers, before decided to just drag the whole case out along with a bottle of wine. I giggle taking two wine glasses down from a cabinet. I wondered where they got all this alcohol anyways. 

We drink the first glass of wine in silence as we watch the stars pop up in the sky. The beers that follow are mixed with us both chattering about the future and past, sharing everything from stories about our boyfriends to how Michael and Calum actually met. We laugh and come close to tears sometimes and I know by the end of the night I'd consider this a good bonding experience.

Micheal hands me another beer as I set my other one aside. He plops down next to me taking a sip of his own. We both sat in silence, mulling over the past weeks events. I was honestly struggling between getting on the next flight to Dallas and staying here. So much tension had built up between this band that I didn't know if I could take it anymore. 

"Don't beat yourself up about it love," Micheal mumbles, I can hear the tiredness in his voice. "Its been a long way coming." 

I sigh running a hand through my hair, something I picked up from Luke. " Its just, why would Luke hit Calum again, I've never seen him like that." I take a big sip of my beer welcoming the oncoming buzz. "And Ashton."

Micheal shrugs, downing his beer in one go. I watch him go get another, sitting down closer to me, tapping his bottle against my shoulder. I giggle, tapping my own on his leg. "That hasn't happened since we first formed the band. Just forget it, okay? Luke and Calum have never gotten along, despite what Luke says, they don't like each other and this fight should've happened sooner rather than later. And Ash, god we should've seen it coming" 

We sit in silence, for a while watching the night sky. I eye Micheal's guitar leaning against the door and walk over to it, picking it up and grabbing another beer for myself. I sway, trying to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. _How many of these have I had_? 

"Careful with her," Michael says taking the guitar away from me. I stick my tongue out at him, sitting across form him. I watch him strum, humming something senseless. "I always write the best songs buzzed." He murmurs, hitting a chord wrong and making a sound akin to a cat crying. I laugh, grabbing the guitar strumming randomly and carelessly. I move around bobbing my head, singing out random words. I hear Michael laugh and I'm glad I can make someone happy. 

He stands up shouting out, "We fucking do what we want." I hit the guitar, making it an impromptu drum, strumming the guitar faster.

I yell out, "We are young!" 

We both laugh, and five minutes later were at the edge of the patio, singing loudly at the top of our lungs  _'We Are Young_ ' bobbing our heads and dancing badly. The guitar stays in my hand, as we shout out into the night, the city traffic glowing beneath us. I look over at Micheal and he's laughing, head thrown back and eyes closed. I close my eyes and breathe in the air. For a moment I forget my problems, I forget about the fight, I forget about Ash being in rehab and forget about my feelings, if only for one drunken night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is long overdue but here it is! Omg just five more chapters to go, thank you to everyone who's read this and who has commented or left kudos! :)  
> come talk to me on tumblr: 75-jetblckheart.


	18. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You go with Calum your out of the band too," Luke says casually and I stare in shock at him.  
> "Your destroying your band Luke." I whisper hoping he won't hear me. I see Michael tense and I know he hears me. 
> 
> "Don't let me down okay? This will probably be the last time I see you," I say the last part quietly just for him to hear. Ashton nods like he can figure out the meaning in my words

**June.**

I sat in Luke and I's hideout watching the waves roll in and out. I pulled my sweater over my hands, it was colder down by the beach then in the city. The sun is just beginning to rise, I  had sneaked out of bed leaving a sleeping Luke cuddled up to a pillow. I had missed Australian mornings. My birthday was in a few days.

I touch my lips lightly from where he had kissed me just mere hours ago. I think back to when I first met him all wide smiles and long legs. eight months of dating seems like along time ago, more like years. The butterflies I'd feel in my stomach those first few dates, figuring out time zones so we could Skype. We had only known each other for a year.

Now the kisses are few and far between the fights coming more often and the bad type of nerves instead of good ones fill my stomach. I pick up a rock and toss it hard into the ocean,  _damn him_.

I stand up and shake my head. I couldn't do this anymore. I had no business dating a celebrity, what was I even doing here? I climb out of the hideout mulling over my thoughts. Did I really love Luke?

————————

I'm sitting with Michael on the couch when the fight begins. Calum and Luke were supposed to be talking to their managers figuring out a schedule for their impromptu hiatus. I guess not. "Can they just chill for like a day?" I mutter tossing a few m&ms into my mouth.

"I knew I should've gone with them." Michael says looking over to where the sounds of arguing is coming from. A door slams and a few seconds later Calum comes stalking in, arms crossed and jaw set. He looks angrier than I've ever seen him before and it makes me want to run in the other direction.

"Babe what the hell?" Michael says standing up quickly.

"That's it Calum! Your fucking ass is out of the band!" Luke yells coming into view. If Calum looks angry than Luke is absolutely pissed. He's breathing hard, eyes wide and a dark blue, his hands curl into fists. 

"Go to hell Luke." Calum quips picking up his keys and wallet.

"Wait what's going on?" I say confused. Standing up slowly and walk behind Michael who looks equally confused.

"Well your boyfriend thought he could just sign another contract without consulting any of us," Calum begins pointing a finger at Luke. "Then he gets mad when I say we should continue to write but not perform."

"You said you would be making more money if you played football, not touring in a 'stupid ass band'." Luke snaps walking towards Calum.

"Well it's true," Calum just shrugs looking at Michael. "You coming Mikey?"

Michael looks between Luke and Calum, looking torn between his boyfriend and best friend. "I can't ... you can't make me choose."

"You go with Calum you're out of the band too," Luke says casually and I stare in shock at him.

"You're destroying your band Luke." I whisper hoping he won't hear me. I see Michael tense and I know he hears me. "You can't put Michael in that position." I say louder and Luke looks at me.

"I can and I will."

"Jessie hush," I hear Michael say but it's too late Calum faces me and I now have full force of his anger on me.

"You don't know shit and you've been around us for how long? Fuck how can you even be around Luke at this point?"

"Calum let's think rationally about this, you too Luke, do you really want to jeopardize the band?" I try to reason with them but even my voice comes out strained and monotone.

Calum laughs, "Can you just stop with your crap? Christ you can't even convince yourself. You should just break up with Luke now." He gives another bitter laugh. "Jessie, god, Jessie, you should've never brought us those beers. You ruined this band and yourself."

"Fuck you Calum!" Luke yells out shoving Calum towards the door. I stand in my place to deep in my thoughts to move or say anything. But this can't happen, I think numbly.

"Don't come bother coming back," Luke grits out opening the door for Calum.

"Michael baby are you coming? Last chance. " Calum draws out staring at him. He's nervous the anger fading from his eyes to sadness when Michael doesn't move right away. Calum puts his hand out pouting just the smallest bit.

"Sorry Jessie," Michael says giving me a hug "bye Luke."

I manage to find my voice, "No Mike don't leave. This can't happen." 

"Jessie you don't even care about this band anymore, what are you still doing here?" Calum yells at me before Luke shoves him out the door for good.

"I mean it Calum don't come back," He yells after him.

Michael follows. The door slams with a loud thud. Leaving me and Luke staring at it. "What the hell did you do?" I whisper backing away from Luke.

"I didn't think he would quit! Jessie wait, I didn't think they would actually quit," Luke says desperately, I just shake my head trying to stop my tears. I turn around and run up the stairs, leaving Luke to pick up the mess that was his band.

The next day Michael leaves Calum's and his' contract, Michael's favourite guitar is the kitchen with a note saying he quits too. I watch Luke tear the paper up to shreds throwing it away randomly. I sit down hard feeling completely numb.

5 Seconds of Summer was officially over. 

\--------

The news breaks with Luke posting on the bands Instagram that the band will be taking a permanent break until further notice. Calum unfollows us both from every form of social media. Then the media outlets have a field day with the news, Luke's manager calling almost as soon as the post goes up. For a few days we don't bother going outside, camera's peak around every corner. I don't bother reminding Luke about my birthday. 

I let Luke deal with his team and fans locked away in the office. The only time I walk in is to make sure he eats and to finally come to bed.

\-----

**Two weeks later**

We manage to fly out to Phoenix needing an escape from the hell that is the fallout of the band. We make it just in time for my twentieth birthday, a feat I thought I'd celebrate with my new friends. Instead I blow out candles on a cupcake with my cousins and Luke. Its a forced cheer best, a sad gathering its worst. Luke gets me a shiny watch from another expensive brand and I can't help thinking he still doesn't know me.  Afterwards Luke and I hole up in the guest room, a movie playing on the t.v but we don't bother paying attention. 

"Jess?"

"Hmm?" I turn to look at Luke who's sitting up in bed worry etched on his face.

"What did Calum mean that you should just break up with me?"  
I swallow the lump in my throat and stoke his hair gently. "It's nothing love go back to bed."

"Jessie what if I can't get the band back together?"  I let a groan this was not the conversation I wanted to have at the moment. I myself was still too much in shock to be of help. 

"Focus on rebuilding your friendships with them Luke. Then think about the band, what's more important fame or having three amazing best friends?" I say letting out a yawn. I scoot deeper into the covers ready to fall back asleep. 

"But -"

"Go to sleep Luke. Everything will fix itself. "

\-------

As the end of June comes around Luke gets a call from Ashton's mom saying she wants him transferred to a center in Sydney. I sit and watch Luke as he talks to Anne his face pallid looking. He hasn't shaved in a week and the beard on his face looks nice on him. Either way I feel about him I cannot not find him handsome.

A few days later the papers are signed and we go and visit him. He stares blankly at us just nodding at my direction when I wave. When I tell Ashton he's going back to Sydney he brightens up actually giving me a pat on my shoulder.

"Hey bug," I say softly before we leave. 

"Yea," Ashton's raises an eyebrow at me.

"Don't let me down okay? This will probably be the last time I see you," I say the last part quietly just for him to hear. Ashton nods like he can figure out the meaning in my words giving me a hug this time. 

"Take care."

 

 

By the last days of June Ashton is flown to Sydney while I get a text from Michael saying him and Calum are moving to Melbourne and that they're okay. I smile and let Luke see the message. He just glances at it making a face. Whether he is happy for his band mates or not, he never tells me and I never ask.

We stay in L.A mostly because Luke has to clean up the mess that is the band falling apart; broken contracts, record deals to be signed off, what to do with their recording studio, people to pay. The list goes on and I stay mostly to make sure Luke doesn't do anything crazy. He stays up late going over paperwork, I force him to take breaks, a nineteen year old should not be doing this alone. It angers me but he won't let me call anyone to help. I decide to read up on the stuff, eventually taking a stack of papers and locking myself in our room. It's complicated but doable.

One night he breaks down sobbing into my shirt about just how badly he screwed up everything and how he can never go back to Australia now. I rub his back quietly, unsure of what to do. I shush him with kisses the only thing I know how to do. 

"Jessie can't we just stay here?" He asks quietly, kissing me on my neck.   
I card my fingers through his hair dropping kisses on his face to soothe him. 

"Of course babe." We kiss deeply and I let him turn over trapping me underneath him. His hands roam underneath my shirt eager for something more. 

I lean up tugging at his own shirt, our kisses getting messier with Luke biting at my lip as our clothes come off. I push him back gently, unhooking my bra as I  straddle him. "Let me take care of you tonight," I murmur pressing a kiss to his chest. He grips my hips tightly nodding, maybe a distraction for one night will help relax him. Slowly we kiss again, and I hear him gasp against me, hands already trailing down my thighs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow another update! Thank you guys for reading this I'm already plotting out another so lets see how this goes.


	19. A Bittersweet Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I work quietly and quickly, the morning light streaming into the windows. I shove clothes into my bags trying not to leave anything behind. There wasn't much anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops x10 :(

**Four days Later.**

I work quietly and quickly, the morning light streaming into the windows. I shove clothes into my bags trying not to leave anything behind. There wasn't much anyways. The house is too quiet without the other boys. No Michael to make jokes, or Calum loudly complaining while he makes coffee, no Ashton playing a new song he learned on the guitar.

I sigh running my hands through my hair, sitting down on the bed I look over to the picture of Luke and I on Halloween framed and the center of attention on the nightstand. I leave it be and gather up my things, only leaving the dress I wore to my first and only red carpet hanging in the closet. I give one last look at the room Luke and I had made home for the past two months in and I cringe a little before shutting the door.   


The house is silent as I wait for Luke to come back from his run. The sound of cars is the only noise besides the hum of the fridge. By now I'd have music playing while I make coffee, instead I play with my hands trying to keep myself from shaking.

The door opens and Luke walks in, sweaty, his shirt clinging to him. He smiles to me as he takes out his earphones leaning in to kiss me. I move my head letting Luke kiss my cheek instead.

"What's wrong babe?" He asks already starting to make coffee.

"I think we need to talk Luke." Luke stills and I stand up.

"About what? What's wrong Jess?" Luke faces me blue eyes staring into mine.

I can't back out anymore, "I think... I can't be with you anymore. We should break up."

I watch the emotions play out on his face. "You think?" He says looking mad.

"Luke," I sigh. "I know,  but this is for the best."

Luke rushes over to me staying just out of my reach. Hurt has taken over features. "What do you mean its for the best, what the hell Jessie?" He reaches out for me, retracting his hand as if he thinks better of it.

"I can't do this anymore Luke, I don't belong in the spotlight, I am not supposed to be a celebrity" I shake my head, I bend to gather my things trying to not let Luke see my emotions playing out. "Its too much right now. I'm tired of trying to fix things, I am tired of cameras being shoved in my face. I'm tired of your lying and half truths. I'm done."

"I never asked you to be one," Luke murmurs, "Don't leave me baby please, what happened?" I watch him move to block the door, biting his lip. His pouting won't work this time on me. 

"I can't be with you anymore," I say, struggling with my words. "I am done with  all the fighting and yelling, I am done with being bullied by your fans over the internet, hell I am done with how this band is going." I take a deep breathe, trying to calm myself down before I say something I might regret. "I don't belong here, I'm leaving." 

"Jessie I love you," Luke says, pulling in by the waist. I relent, patting him on the back. "You can't leave me." I feel him leave a kiss on my head. Shaking my head I pull away, I gather up my bags and the rest of my strength and say the only thing I know will make Luke let me leave.

"I don't love you anymore." I'm surprised at how even my voice comes out. "We don't belong together, Luke, let me leave." 

I watch Luke's composure break down, sadness taking over his face. I turn my head away, my own heart breaking at the way this ended. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Luke moves away from the door silently, his jaw working as if he wants to say something. I take one last look around the house, trying to remember every detail of it. From the band posters messily hanging in the hallway to the rugs Calum picked out and the small mural Ashton had spray painted on a wall. My eyes land on a framed photo of the boys from 2011, right next to a much more recent one that includes me this time. I look at Luke, nodding and walk out the door trying to pretend I didn't see the heartbreak on his face. 

Its silent in the rental car I'd gotten for this. I don't bother turning on the radio, just drive with my thoughts to keep me company. I set my route for Dallas, this time no plane tickets or boys to come after me. I give a small smile, feeling a bit lighter. 

 

\-----------------

I reach Dallas with about ten calls from Luke and double the text messages. I turn my phone off, struggling in the dark to take out my house key and at least one bag. The night is humid, wiping sweat off my forehead I step into my house not used to being alone just yet. I drop my bags and stare into the foyer mirror, trying to find something different with me. But I looked the same, round hazel eyes fading purple hair and nose ring. I run my hands over my body, turning this way and that. I was the same but I felt different. 

"Jessica?" I turn at my mothers voice, surprised that she is up at two in the morning. I may have driven all day and night.

"Mom?" 

"What are you doing here, I thought you'd be with -" Her words die off as she takes in the bags at my feet and rushes over towards me. "What happened did he do anything to you? Why did you bring all your stuff here?" 

I try to laugh but it comes out more of a sob. "Lets make some tea and I'll tell you all about, yea?" My mother nods taking my hand. I follow her into the kitchen and pulls out my favorite mug; a Peanuts one with Woodstock flying around it. 

"So what happened?" My mother finally says as she drops the tea bags into the mugs.

I take a deep breath, "I broke up with him Mom. I wasn't happy anymore." I'm ashamed at how my voice cracks at the end so I pick up my mug, letting my hair fall into my face.

"Its okay to cry, you've been through a lot and you and Luke depended on each other for almost everything. From comfort to support," I let my mom tug me into another hug and I let the tears fall freely now. "Even if you didn't love him in the end you still saw him as a good friend." 

"I know," I say weakly, resting my head on her shoulder. I bring my hand up to my neck only to find that the place where Luke's necklace once hung was empty. I jump away, grabbing at my neck again. 

"What is it?" I look at my mom the tears falling faster now.

"My necklace, the one... the one Luke gave me for Halloween, its gone. I never take it off." I look around the floor then run into the hallway searching for the trinket. 

"Are you sure you didn't leave it at the house?" I spin around and look at my mother. She probably thinks I'm crazy. I shake my head, bringing my hand up again to my neck. I look over at the mirror, so thats what was different. I wasn't wearing my necklace. 

   It was the one thing that reminded me of being happy with the band.

   Now it was gone.   

\----------------

 

"No mum I can't go back to Sydney," glancing over to the nightstand I look at the picture of Jessie and I from Halloween. The glass is cracked from where I had put just too much pressure on it the night before, in fact the two photos downstairs were completely broken. 

"Luke you can't just run away from your problems again," My mother chides into the phone. She's right, I am running away from my problems. I started a band to run away from my problems now I was running away after screwing up said band. I groan, flopping backwards onto the bed. "No one in Sydney is going to judge you."

"Jack? Ben? I dunno everyone else in the city?" I pick up my neck, something sharp poking me. When I finally take a look at it I sit up straight, my breath catching in my lungs. 

"Well I'll make sure your brothers don't say anything, just come back home," My mother's voice doesn't quite register as I stare at the necklace in my hand. Jessie's necklace, the one I gave her for Halloween. 

"Mum, she left it here," I hate the way my voice cracks. I take in deep breaths to steady my voice.

"Left what there?" 

"Her necklace, the one you helped me pick out, she just left it here." I whisper, feeling as if I spoke any louder I would disrupt the quietness of the house. Already my stuff was packed, left at the front door, by tomorrow one of the security guys I was friends with will have moved in to get the house ready to sell. 

"Well I don't know what to tell you about that, you can always sell it," I shake my head forgetting my mum can't see me. I grab my wallet slipping the dainty thing into the only pocket. "Luke just come back home, everyone misses you. I know for sure Joy and Karen would like to see you, even if Mike and Cal don't. And Ashton -"

I cut off my mother, not wanting to spend another night reliving all my mistakes. "Mum I am not going back to Sydney, and I cannot stay here in L.A." 

"Oi, then where are you going?" I let out a laugh at my mothers frustration. 

"To New York." 

\-----------------------

 

"You sure you want to learn this Blondie?" I stare at Vicki, forgetting for a moment that I was now a blonde. Slowly I nod, reaching for a bottle of vodka. "Okay, I'm going to show you the basics, first a martini." 

I listen to Vicki describe how to make martinis the regular one and the Bond one, as she calls it. My short hair falls out of its ponytail and I rush to put back in place while attempting to make a martini. Just one week later I had decided to get a job, which ended up being bartending. I was actually enjoying it and it helped keep my mind off thoughts of the breakup. 

Its about halfway through my shift when a girl comes up to me and Vicki. She looks from her phone to me then back to her phone. I fidget under her gaze, knowing whats about to happen. "Are you Jessie? Luke's girlfriend?" I look at Vicki wondering just how much I can get away with if I lied.

"Depends, you have an ID?" Vicki steps in hand out waiting for the girls ID. The girl rolls her eyes and hands it over. Vicki nods, giving the ID back. "What you want with Jessica?" 

"Jessica? Uh maybe I have the wrong person, Jessie never seemed like the type to go blonde anyways," The girl mutters, more to herself than to us. I let out a sigh, slumping against the counter. This was exactly the reason why I went blonde. 

"I knew I recognized you from somewhere," Vicki says her dark eyes searching mine. I nod, unable to lie to her. 

"Yea, I get that a lot." 

"Your dating Luke Hemmings right?" I cringe, lowering my eyes.

"Was, was dating Luke Hemmings." 

"Oh shit sorry I won't ask anymore questions, but do you least know what he's up to? Last I heard his band fell apart." Vicki moves on to rearrange liquor bottles, already done with the conversation. 

"No, I don't know what he's up to." I say quietly, letting my hand ghost over my bare neck last time. 

"Hey Blondie, time to get back to work, just because you dated someone famous doesn't mean you are." I let out a bitter laugh, moving to grab a bunch of glasses.  _No, famous I was not_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not over yet! two more chapters omg!!!


	20. Visiting A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What brings you here, though, Jessie?" Ashton snaps me out of my thoughts and I take in a shaky breath.
> 
> "To check up on you."
> 
> "Bullshit"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta Da new chapter! Bear with me :}

**August.**

 "Jessie please don't call again," Calum deadpans, voice empty.

"Calum wait-" The line goes dead and I bang my head against the wall of the airport. I dial Michael.

"Mike?"

"Jess?" Michael says, his voice indifferent. I could hear Calum yelling in the background making me jump. "Please, Jess, not now." The line goes dead. 

"Mali?" 

"I'll text you the address Jess, bye." 

The line goes dead.

\----

I sit at a table in the visiting center of the rehab place Ashton is staying at. Its a fancy place, perfect for celebrities and rich people, all minimal decorations and modern looking furniture. I still hold Luke responsible for this. Instead of picking fights with Calum he should've been watching his best friend's health. I shake my head, no I'm just as responsible too, I didn't tell Luke or the other two it was that serious. I sigh, resting my head in my hands wondering how I got into this life.

"Jess?" I raise my head at Ashton's voice, it no longer sounds raw and overused, like it did that day of the award show. I give him a tight smile and let him sit down. He's put on some weight, even though he's still skinny, but not sick skinny.

"Hey," I whisper, checking him over. Three months has been too long. His hair is long, almost reaching his shoulders but its shiny and not at all like how it was. I could say that about his overall all appearance, he looks nothing like he did three months ago, but there's still more to go. "How are you doing?"

Ashton giggles, pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands. "I'm good." I give him a look and he just shrugs. "What else can I say, at first I hated it here, I never had a reason to got rehab. The last time I was.. I was sick I found the boys and they helped me. But now, three months later I can say I'm good. Therapy has been good, everything's been good." To me it sound like hes trying to convince himself, but when I look into his eyes I see they tell the truth, he is better, he is getting happier.

"You look healthier," I pick my words carefully, I still have a lot to say to him.

"Thanks, I feel healthier." Ashton rolls his eyes, I'm probably making faces. "Jessie I am getting better, I have two months left here, but I honestly want to get better. I done with all this, I knew I was sick and didn't do anything about it."

I nod, feeling my eyes water. I was never truly close to any of the boys, especially not after all the secrets came pouring out, but it was Ashton I had felt close to spiritually. I reach out and grab his hand. "As long as you're doing it for yourself bug. Get better and make yourself happy for yourself, not for me or for the boys, okay?" Ashton grins at me, rubbing his thumb over my hand. He nods and I know he is going to be okay, he is truly getting better. He is no longer that Ashton I found an hour before an award show crying that he wanted it all to end.

"What brings you here, though, Jessie?" Ashton snaps me out of my thoughts and I take in a shaky breath.

"To check up on you."

"Bullshit"

I laugh at his bluntness. "Okay thats the majority, but I also wanted to talk something over with you."

He nod, putting his face in his hands. "Talk away."

I catch him up on the obvious, Luke and I broke up, I am no longer in contact with any of them, except for still following Micheal on twitter. I tell him how I am sure I don't want to go back to college and how I fell in love with bartending. "Its just, look at it this way. I found myself, being around you guys and then not being around all of you, made me see who I really am. I know it sounds stupid, but I think this could work. I think I could be a bartender."

"Its not a stupid idea, Jessie. Do what you love, you'll always be happy, just because it doesn't fit what your family thinks is a socially acceptable doesn't mean its not good." Ashton, moves a strand of hair out of my face and I can't help but agree. I take in another breath, steadying myself for the next point.

"I think I want to move to Sydney, permanently."

"What? Really?" Ashton sits up straighter, looking quizzically at me.

"Yea, I just fell in love with Australia, all the times I've been here I can't help but think about living over here." I sit back in my chair, waiting for him to tell me it was a bad idea.

Instead Ashton's words shock me. "Do it. Follow your dreams Jess, gamble everything and if it doesn't work out, you can always go back home. And hell, if they kick you out you can live with me. You're welcomed at my house."

"Still?" I can't help but ask.

"Of course, I bet even Micheal would let you stay with him and Cal." I cringe at his name, remembering how I fucked up my minuscule friendship with him.

Ashton must see my discomfort because he walks over to me, pulling me into a hug. I bury my head into his shoulder, breathing in the scent of something familiar. "Look Jess, I have to go now, but listen; follow your dreams. Everything will work out, you'll see." With another hug, he plants a kiss on my forehead and walks towards a nurse I hadn't seen before. I watch my friend walk away. I wipe my eyes and pull myself together.

Everything will work out.

========

Six months later I sit on my bed, suitcases and boxes littering my floor. I take in another breathe, Ashton's words running through my mind. I look at my phone, one of the last pictures I have of Luke and I open. All of the pictures are on a USB tucked into a photo album, somewhere. There's only five photos left on my phone, three of me and Luke, and two of the five of us. Carefully I wipe my eyes. For the what feels like the hundredth time I am crying. I delete the three photos and leave the two on my phone.  _For memories_ , I tell myself.

I get up and start dumping clothes into my suitcases, ignoring the heaviness in my heart.

-

Four hours later most of my close are packed up, along with other life necessities. Three suitcases and a dufflebag sit outside my door and two taped boxes filled with everything I absolutely need from blankets and books to my favorite stuffed animal and bed sheets. Everything else I can buy over in Sydney. Might as well put the scholarship money to some use. I pick up the key to the beach house Micheal and Ashton gave me to live in until I can move into an apartment, which I planned on doing quickly. Tomorrow I send off the boxes and in two weeks I'll be leaving to Australia. I look at my room, practically bare, I smile and rake my hands through my now short, black dyed hair, here was to new beginnings.

"Are you sure you want to move half way across the world?" My aunts voice startles me and I jump, turning around.

I nod, "Absolutely. It is my calling."

My aunt sighs, pulling me into a hug. "I guess we'll have to visit you at some point, I wish you the best Jessie." I let out a shaky laugh hugging my aunt back.

"I'll see you for Christmas."

"I know, take care over there."

"Of course."

"Now lets go eat some of your mother's enchiladas." I laugh but follow my aunt anyways. flicking off the lights to my room.

 

=======

"Now landing in Sydney, Australia. Current time is 7,00 pm, please enjoy your stay."

I look out the airplane window and grin. Enjoy my stay I will.


	21. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Years Later; May.  
> Things start coming to a close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't say this enough but thanks for reading!! I can't believe this has even gotten 1000 hits. :) thanks

**Two Years Later; May.**

The buzz and hum of the bar fills my ears as I take in orders up and down the counter. Swiftly I pour out the complicated drinks adding the over dramatic flourishes I had learned in Dallas. It makes the guys nod and smile in my direction while the girls clap and gush over how pretty their drinks look. I move to re-stacking bottles making sure the new guy isn't breaking anything. I smile at that, two years ago I was the new girl struggling to understand the slang used around here, now I was overseeing my own new guy. 

"Hey Jessica would you mind changing the t.v to something a little more livelier, like footie?" My manager calls from the back, tossing a remote at me. I roll my eyes, hopping over the counter and landing on the floor. 

"Jessica mind bringing me another pint?" 

"Jessica, how have you been? I haven't been here in ages." I smile and answer the questions of the few people I like to call my regulars; people who had laughed the first week I had started working but still came back even after I messed up their orders. I change the channel leaving it on a sports station, waving to the people I know.

 

"Jessica the guy said I messed up his order again," Kevin gawks at me, sheepishly holding out the tray of drinks and burgers. This is what I get for training the new guy, I roll my eyes looking at the order slip. I check the tray again, eyeing the food carefully.

"You gave him a brandy not whiskey and soda," I say taking the tray from the kid. I quickly fix the orders again, shoving Kevin towards the dishwasher. "I'll take it to him, start cleaning. " I lift the tray over my shoulder something I haven't done in a few months. The weight sits uncomfortably for me and I walk slowly seeking out the table. 

"Oi about bloody time - Jessica?" the man laughs and I recognize him as one of my old regulars, he had been hard on me too when I first met him but now he just asked for the usual and I knew what to get. 

"If I had known you were the one scaring the new guy I would've personally fixed your order myself." I laugh, setting the tray down.

"Ehh he needs to get the shit scared out of him." He takes a long sip out of his drink before fixing me look. "You still in uni?"

"Of course, one more year to go then I'll have my business degree." I say proudly, so apparently college was for me after all. 

"Good lass, maybe there'll be an internship for you at my office next year, hows that sounding?" 

"Sounds great." I pick up the remaining glasses around a few tables making my way to where a frazzled Kevin is holding two bottles of liquor and about six order tickets. I sigh, this was going to be a long night. 

 

"Swear to god Kevin if you can't make a simple martini on the rocks you're fired, gone, out of here." I mutter lowly dumping another tray of food and drinks into the sink. Kevin drops a glass, the entire counter of annoyed looking people staring in shock at us. "Pick that up please, before Andrew sees that." I say angrily shoving a broom at Kevin. Maybe I was being hard on him but I had had to clean up his mess the past three hours and the end wasn't near. 

I start taking orders again, refilling old drinks and making new ones. The rhythm of it all is the only thing keeping me sane and being able to talk to the customers helps too. "Hey Jessica come look," a young girl waves me over, the younger sister of one of my uni friends. 

"What?" I ask setting down her ginger ale. 

"Remember that band from here, 5 Seconds of Summer?" 

"Yeah," I say slowly, no one knew who I was anymore here. Hell no one knew who I was when I first moved here, the autonomy of having short hair and going by my full name. "What about them?" 

The girl giggles, pushing her phone out at me. Its open to an online article from an American news site. "Look, apparently they're coming back from their hiatus." I feel my breath catch in my throat and it takes every ounce of me to not bolt to the bathroom. 

I stare at the picture of the four guys I had the luxury of saying I once knew. In all caps the headline reads what the girl just told me; 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER TO RELEASE NEW MUSIC, TOUR, AS THEY REUNITE. I have to say they clean up nicely. The picture is small but even I can tell they don't look the same from two years ago.  _Has it really been two years_? 

"Earth to Jessica, are you okay?" I look up at the girl, my eyes not quite focusing. No I wasn't okay, it was a strange sense of nostalgia and anger, sadness and happiness. Anger and sadness from never having closure never being able to reach out and make things right. Happiness and nostalgia because it reminds me of five years ago when my niece first showed me a picture of the Aussie band and the memories that came with actually getting to meet them. 

"I'm fine, just a bit of shock," I breath out. So this is how I'll find things out now, through social media. Even Michael had stopped tweeting me after a year, our lives being lived too differently even though we lived just nine hours away from each other. I think back mentally, waving bye to the girl. Its been a year, at least, since I've talked to Michael. its been at least just as long since I've talked to Ashton. It makes me want to cry, I had never realized we had fell out of touch. Ashton had been my last lifeline to them. It made my heart ache, I lived so close to them  and yet I never saw or spoke to them anymore. 

"Jessica can you take this order out?" Andrew calls at me, handing me a tray filled with food and drinks. It looks to overfilled for me but I square my shoulders and take the tray, lifting it up carefully. 

I walk numbly, thoughts too absorbed to realize that people are staring the noise has quieted down, girls are taking rapid fire pictures. I don't notice the guy that steps on my ankle causing me to turn around slightly. I let out a huff, completely done with the night already when I spin around again.

Only to collide into a very solid object. I feel the tray slip out of my hands, hitting me and the other person. I slip and I reach out blindly, clutching at cloth and falling down, pulling down whomever I had just ran into. I hit the ground hard, my body half strewn over the other persons, one I can make out to be a guy. My brain registers that people are taking pictures of me and I feel like yelling. Don't they have better things to do. 

I look over to the guy, my apology dying on my lips. There's blonde hair and broad shoulders, a faded flannel I recall wearing one night, a lip ring. I scramble backwards, putting my hands over my mouth so I won't scream or sob, or both. Shit, fuck, crap, fucking hell. 

"Jessie?"

"Luke?"

 

\------------

He helps me up, gingerly picking food off my shirt. He holds my hand for a littler longer than what would be considered appropriate. But I don't care, I don't really believe he's here right in front of me, Michael, Calum, and Ashton all in varying stages of disbelief. No, I must had one too many drinks at one point. 

"Ugh Jessie?" I focus on Luke, no he is real. 

"Yea?" I ask to out of it to from any real words.

"Is there a VIP section, we'd rather not be mobbed." Of course, I think, he doesn't want to be seen with me. I nod, pushing back my slightly alcohol damp hair. I take them to our excuse of a VIP section, a roped off raised platform that had a wrap around couch and glass table. 

"Is this okay?" 

"Yea, of course," Luke mumbles, hurrying away to a far corner. I stand a little longer watching the other three file in, Calum giving me a tight smile, Michael a pat on the shoulder, and finally Ashton who hugs me tight. I cling to him, he reminds me of home for some reason again, the way the sea air seems to be stuck to him. Its been too long, I smile at the way his skin glows and how a shorter haircut makes him look younger. 

He lets go, patting my cheek before running off to Luke, giving him a hard punch on the shoulder, angry whispers making there way to me. I'm about to turn and leave, I mean I got my chance to see them again, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to be met with blue eyes, dark and troubled. "Can you stay a while?" 

"Yeah," I hear myself say. "Would you like any drinks first?" Luke nods giving the orders I knew so well. The only difference is that Ashton orders just a soda, sans vodka or whiskey. I nod and make my way back to the bar. 

I load up the tray and head over to Kevin. "You're in charge while I take my break, good luck." I leave him standing there mouth hung open. 

\------

I set the tray down, giving the right drinks to each of their owners before taking a sip of my own beer. "So is anyone going to talk or are we just going to stare at each other all night." Michael laughs, tapping me lightly on the leg. 

"Give us a minute, we didn't expect to see you here either," He says, knocking back his first beer. Calum nods beside him, slipping his hand inside Michael's thigh.

"Nice running into you again," I catch his pun and laugh, the others following suit a few seconds later. 

"Gotta work on the hand eye coordination Jess," Ashton jokes and us three fall back into easy banter again, like nothing has ever happened. Luke stays quite, just watching me, sipping slowly on his drink. I catch his eye a few times, but he looks away quickly or busies himself with his phone. 

Its an hour into the conversation when I notice the thin silver band on Calum's hand, glaringly obvious to those who looked closely. "Is that an engagement ring Hood?" I ask feeling confident buzzed. 

Calum surprises me by nodding giggling like a love struck idiot. "Yeah, Mikey asked me like what? Six months ago." I raise an eyebrow at Michael, silently asking why I wasn't informed. 

"We've been busy." 

"Bull," I call out, standing up. Hurt and anger flaring again. "None of you, especially the two of you ever kept in touch with me after last January. Now I get the band comes before anything else mantra, but you guys weren't a band again then." I spit the last words out, trying to feel cocky and in the right again. 

"Jessie, please," its the first words Luke as spoken to me all night and I listen, to lost in his eyes for more curses. Its my doing anyways why I don't see them everyday anymore. "You don't know the whole story." I laugh, bitter and turn to leave.That wouldn't be the first time I heard those words.  I've had enough, they may look healthier but they were still the same. 

I make it back to bar where I focus on orders again, ignoring the blatant stares people give. Yeah well now you know, my secrets out, I knew the guys of 5SOS. I wipe down the counter hard, scaring Kevin into taking out orders again. "Jessica, is that what you go by now?" Luke's voice is soft, not condescending, but not not angry either. 

I nod, not letting my voice betray how I was really feeling. "Can we talk tomorrow maybe? I think it'd be good if we all caught up with each other again." I look up at Luke, very aware of everyone staring at us. His face just that close to mine, all we had to do was lean in closer and our mouths would touch. Where had this happened before. Oh yeah, when we went ice skating. That was reason I left right, because I couldn't handle the staring. I should turn away now, tell him to fuck off and go help Kevin. I was done with publicity stunts.

"Of course, come by here at three that's when my shift starts,"

For some reason I agree with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm should there be a sequel? comment please!


	22. A Time for Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My necklace," I gasp,
> 
> "I found it in our- in the L.A house- kept it since then," Luke says carefully unclasping it.  
> I step away before I do something stupid, breaking the moment.

**"And now you're saying everything has changed, and I'm afraid that I might be losing you." 5SOS. Close as Stangers.**

 

They show up at three on the dot, laughing and joking. Luke shoving Michael through the door. Their personalities take up the whole room. Loud, carefree, and lively it fills up the room and makes the place feel more warm. I smile at the scene reminiscing about old twitcams and interviews. Even with beards and an engagement ring they're still clumsy teens at heart. God Ashton was going to be twenty four.

"Jessie!" They call out and I wave from the table I'm sitting at, a few of the business people that are in hearing range scowl at them, probably thinking the worst. 

"Over here," I say and lead them to a more quieter spot of the bar. 

"Red hair. I like it," I hear Calum say and I laugh, I knew they would notice. 

"It suits you," Luke says and stop short causing Calum to run into me. I spin around come face to face with Luke. "I like it too."

"Thanks," I mutter not meeting his eyes. "How about I go get some food?" I take off leaving the four boys standing confused. 

-

"I can't do this," I say walking into the kitchen.

"Yes you can," Kevin says handing me a tray of drinks. He picks up a tray of food and looks over at me. "Be a big girl."

"I don't wanna," I mumble leaning against the counter. 

"Jessica stop pouting, you agreed to this because you're still looking for answers. And because somewhere deep down you still care." 

"Of course I care about them, they were my friends," I dodge Kevin's words running a hand through my hair, a habit I hadn't been able to break. 

"You know who I'm talking about," Kevin says giving me a look. "Its been two years, Jessica, if you had really moved on you wouldn't be hiding out here. Look, its your choice in the end but I think you still have some unresolved feelings, the both of you." 

I watch him walk out, "I hate it when your right." I pick up the tray again and walk out of the kitchen heading over to the table filled with loud laughter.

- 

"I come bearing food and drinks," I giggle setting down the tray before sliding into a chair next to Ashton. 

"Thanks I'm hungry as fuck," Michael says reaching for the food.

"You're always hungry," Luke teases grabbing a drink. I smile and stare at my hands, I shouldn't be this nervous. 

"So what have you been up to Jess?" Ashton asks messing up my hair. "Besides going through hair colors faster than Mike." 

"Nothing much just here bartending, I've gone back to Uni so there's that. I want to open my own restaurant in the future." I feel Luke's eyes on me, he had been the one who wanted me to stay in school. 

"Thats good," He says eventually. "I'm really glad things are working out for you." I nod, feeling my cheeks burn. 

"What about you guys? Last we talked everyone wanted to kill each other," I cringe at my words realizing I probably brought up bad memories. To my surprise the boys laugh, Michael pulling Calum into a messy kiss. Or maybe everything had sorted it self out. 

"Well for a good amount of time we didn't even talk to each other," Ashton begins. "I was pissed at all three of them, you know that, so I kept to myself donating money, reading and stuff like that." 

"Calum and I stayed in Melbourne," Micheal says lacing his fingers with the tanned boy. 

"I got back into footie," Calum adds shyly. "Helped coach a kids team and everything. Then Mikey proposed." I watch Calum beam at Michael, eyes crinkling. Michael looks at Calum with nothing but love and I can't help but feel jealous, but happiness wins over quickly and I smile at the couple. I didn't get Calum mad at me just for the two of them to not be head over heels for each other.

"Sickening, keep the fond to a minimum," I catch Luke say, Ashton beats me to it, hitting Luke on the side of the head. "Ouch, sorry." 

"What about you Luke?" I find myself saying, too curious to know what he's been doing these past two years. 

"Nothing much. Split my time between New York and L.A," He says biting down on his lip. "Mostly lived in New York, in L.A I kept the the recording studio alive and signed two more bands and this singer. She's freaking talented, has some good potential." Luke's eyes light up as he talks about her and I sit back listening to him go on about her voice and the way she can play guitar. 

Ashton gives me a sad smile but doesn't say anything just puts his arm around my shoulders. 

 

"So, what made the band get back together?" Its a couple hours later and the sun is just beginning to set. I set down the new round of drinks, glancing at Luke again.

"It was Luke's fault," Michael grumbles but theres a smile on his face telling me his joking. 

Luke laughs, taking a sip of the now alcoholic drinks. "I grew the hell up and figured shit out. I realized after about a year that I was the asshole but didn't know how to make it right." Luke fidgets not looking at anybody. "It wasn't fun running a business that had been opened with three other people and it wasn't fun being in the spotlight alone. So about eight months ago I reached out to these guys saying I was sorry and if we could talk."

"He wanted us to meet in L.A," Calum snorts. "Mr. I ruined the band wanted us to go to him."

"Hey, I'm sorry okay," Luke snaps glaring at Calum. "I guess I deserve that though. They don't forgive me wholly yet, but at least the bands back together." I nod slowly, understanding where each of them was coming from. 

"So what the next step?"

"New music!"

"Tour."

"Finding our sound again."

I sit back again and listen to the boys talk over each other, trying to explain the new things they want to do in the future. 

\--

"Sorry to interrupt, but guys, time to go. You have an appearance to make." Their security walks up to us interrupting our conversation. Its darker out but a few beams of sun are still out casting an orange-gold look over the place.  _Time has past by fast_. 

"Buzzkill," Michael sighs but stands up nonetheless. The other three follow suit and I get up slowly, smoothing down my shirt. 

"Oh wait," Luke turns around taking out his wallet. 

"Luke no, you don't have to -" I begin to say but he waves me off, speaking over me. 

"I won't pay you in money but can this work?" I watch him slide something out, he stares at it for a moment before glancing up at me. "I almost forgot." He holds his hand out letting me get a look at whats in his hand.

"My necklace," I gasp, bringing my hand up to my neck. For two years I had wondered what had happened to it, beat my self up about losing something so expensive. Now here it was in front of me, the pendant hanging from the thin chain. 

"I found it in our- in the L.A house-  kept it since then," Luke says carefully unclasping it. "Its yours, you deserved, deserve to have it. Still." I can't help but smile at his awkwardness. "Can I put it on you?"

I nod slowly turning around. Picking my hair I feel Luke's hands ghost over my shoulders and neck, sending chills down my spine. "There." I feel my neck again, the necklace in its proper place. I turn back around, giving Luke a smile. 

"Thanks." 

"Just fucking hug already if everythings good again." Calum calls out, a smirk on his face. Luke and I shuffle around awkwardly, staring at our feet. 

Finally I swallow the lump in my throat, it was time to put the past behind us. I look up, meeting Luke's eyes and hold out my arms. He smiles easily closing the distance between us. He hugs me tight, like if this is what he's been waiting for. We mold together, I tuck my head into his shoulder it seems like he's grown a bit. He stills smells like the cologne I got him for valentines along with sandalwood. 

I don't know how long we stay like that, but soon the other three guys are making gagging noises and choking, a whistle comes out of who I can expect to be Michael's mouth. I laugh and look up at Luke, only to find him looking down at me too. I'm lost in his eyes. I feel myself lick my lips as his eyes glance down. He does the same. I step away before I do something stupid, breaking the moment. 

 

We sit back down and Michael makes a joke at our expense and the conversation shifts. I find myself laughing again, no longer letting out  fake laughs like I used to. It takes all of my willpower to not stare at Luke for longer than three seconds, as it is Calum catches me once and snorts, waving it off when Luke asks whats wrong. I shake my head hiding  my own grin. 

Its too soon when their security comes around again telling them they have to go, a group of girls already forming outside the bar. Luke also mumbles something about the interview  before getting up and sliding his jacket on. The other three soon follow, Ashton walking over to pull me into a hug. 

"Take care of yourself, this time we'll keep in touch," He whispers giggling into my ear like an excited kid. I nod, happy to have them back as friends. Calum and Michael give me hugs too, Calum promising to keep in touch too.

"Don't dye your hair without telling me, lets match!" Michael bounces on the balls of his feet, ruffling my hair. 

"Sure Mike, I'll tell you when I plan on dying it next," I say, reaching up to mess up his hair. 

I watch them file out feeling a little more than sad. Its when Luke reaches the front door when Calum says something too low for me to hear, Ashton shoving Luke back a few spaces. I roll my eyes and think nothing of it going over to the bar to start cleaning glasses. 

"Jessie?" 

I turn around to find Luke in front of me, "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say I had a good time, catching up and all," He moves closer and I can feel my heart start to race. "Things ended bad, fuck I'm sorry they did but I'm glad you're in a better place now. It was good seeing you again." 

I smile, "Its good to see you guys again, you all seem happier and healthier. Don't beat yourself up about it Luke, I'm the one who left. I hurt you, I'm sorry." I let Luke brush the hair out of my face, relaxing into the caress it turns into.  "Take care of yourself." I murmur, catching  his hand in mine. 

We stay like that for a moment, Luke steps in closer placing a barely there kiss on my forehead. I gasp and turn around, my hands shake as I try to clean glasses again. No this can't happen, not after two years. "Take care Jessie." Whatever Kevin said be damned, we're happier this way.

The silence stretches on and I come to believe that he's left and that I'm just to absorbed in my thoughts to have heard him leave. Until he coughs and I feel myself tense up, shot glasses slipping out of my hand. 

"Screw this, you know what, I going to say this because you need to hear it and I need to say it. " I can picture him standing up straighter, his blue eyes ablaze. 

"What?" I find myself saying even though I already know the answer. 

"Breaking up was the biggest mistake of our lives."

I don't move, I breathe in and out not wanting to get into a fight for what could be the last time I see him. My heart flutters and my brain tries to rationalize with me the dangers of falling down this rabbit hole again. Silence is my best option right now, I reason, my feelings don't matter. I left, I caused pain for everyone especially Luke. I had never thought Luke would still want to be with me again. 

 

"You know, I never wanted things to end," Luke murmurs, catching me off guard. I turn around and look at him. He's looking down at his shoes fiddling with his phone. I feel my breath catch in my throat a warm feeling spreading through out my body. "I miss you Jess."

I can't speak or move, I watch the other three joke around outside taking pictures with a few fans. I look around, staring out the windows, Ashton meets my gaze giving me a tight lipped smile. I had to choose now. I stare watching Luke, time feels as if its frozen, but apparently its been a while. Luke looks up, eyes hardening a bit. I can't speak, words form at the tip of my tongue but fail to come out.

"Okay I get it Jessica," He whispers my name, my hearts pounding furiously but I can't find the words to say stop. "You have your new life and you're happy, I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry its just its been two years but its still you. Its you I want to be with, no one else. I still love you Jess, but I'll go now." Luke shoves his hands in his pockets turning around slowly. I watch him walk out of the bar shoulders hunched. 

Time catches up to me as I suck in a breathe. I touch my cheek and realize I've been crying, did he notice? My thoughts race as I hear the door slam shut the bell finally silencing my thoughts. He's leaving. He walked out that door and I'm never going to see him again. I feel my feet moving and then I'm running, knocking over a few chairs as  I bolt out of the bar. I'm not letting this one go.

 

I look up and down the sidewalk before spotting the four of them a few yards ahead of me trying to get into their car while taking pictures. The fans there the only thing that has slowed them down. I start speed walking searching for blonde hair and a leather jacket. 

I spot him opening the car door, sunglasses on. I break into a run again hoping maybe Ashton or Michael will see me and stop him. They don't. 

 

"Luke!"

 

The crowd of girls move aside a bit letting run through without knocking them down. I can see Luke frozen, gripping the doorway. Security tries to make a grab at me  but I hear in the distance Ashton telling them something, I slow down.

Luke turns around and I find myself colliding into his arms.

"Jessie."


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides behind bush*

_**"You're the reason, the only reason." 5SOS. The Only Reason.** _  
  
  


"Luke!"

The crowd of girls move aside a bit letting run through without knocking them down. I can see Luke frozen, gripping the doorway. Security tries to tell me something a but in the distance I hear Ashton telling them something. I slow down, getting winded. I shouldn't have stopped going on those morning runs like I had with Calum all those years ago. 

Luke turns around and I find myself colliding into his arms. "Jessie." He breathes out, inching back just enough to bury his face in my hair.

Our lips meet and I tangle my hands in his hair, ignoring the gasps and squeals of the fans and various band members. I feel Luke wrap his arms around my waist as he deepens the kiss letting his tongue trace my lip. I feel sparks explode across my skin making me dizzy. I feel like laughing and crying all at the same time. This just didn't happen in real life. 

When we finally break apart he cups my cheek, leaning his forehead on mine. I take in a deep breath and look him in the eyes. "I think we need to talk." Luke laughs kissing me again and he waves to the fans and to his friends. The other three boys are grinning as they make their way towards us, I can't help but blush they were never going to let us forget this. Ashton all but runs towards us his grin contagious. He hugs me tight muttering senseless things into my hair, when he lets go he gives Luke a hug. Micheal comes next looking just as happy. He picks me up in a hug spinning us around. 

"We just couldn't get rid of you, couldn't we," He mutters against my cheek. 

"Couldn't if you tried," I say wiping tears off my cheeks. How embarrassing, crying for all the world to see. 

Last is Calum, he smiles but stops a foot in front of me. All the anger has left his eyes, leaving them happy. He cocks his head to the side and leans into me making my stomach tighten at what he was going to say. "We should talk later, after you and Luke sort things out." I nod because that's all I can manage, Calum turns to Luke and just winks walking over to Michael. 

"Come on Jessie," Luke says opening the car door wider for me. I shake my head earning a confused look from Luke.

"I have work, I'm still on the clock."

Luke nods trying not to show his disappointment but I still see the small frown on his face. Ashton nudges Luke before speaking. "Jess why don't you come by the beach house and we can all have breakfast tomorrow." I smile and push Luke gently towards the car with my fingertips.

"Breakfast sounds good actually."

Luke pulls me into a kiss before pulling me into a hug. "Thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance."

I pull back, "We'll see."

\------

"What do you mean he just popped back into your life?"

"I literally ran into him and we talked and now we're gunna talk again." I flop onto my bed, staring up the cracked ceiling. The apartment I was living in needed more repairs than I could count but it had been better than staying in the beach house. It had been lonely living in the beach house. It was too big for someone who had been used to seeing four others living in it at the same time.

"You know it was cute when you ran into Calum this is just awkward."

"Isn't it your bedtime Jade?" I ask hanging up. Yes it was rude but I didn't need my fourteen year old niece giving me love advice... again.  I stretch my fingers out warily pulling at the quilt on my bed. I thought about running again. Going somewhere far from here. I counted the hours before I would see Luke again.

_8 hours._

It was already one in the morning. I kicked off my shoes letting the hum of the city outside lull me to sleep. 

_7 hours._

\------

 

I park and let out a breath.  There's cars in the driveway and the doors open. These idiots, I think to myself ready to back out of the driveway. But I don't. I step out of the car and walk over to the door.   
_1...2...3_  
I knock lightly on the door frame uncomfortable. I take a few steps into the house, unsure of what to do.

"Jessie get in here!" Ashton calls and I smile walking to the kitchen. Everything's the same except more lived in, clothes thrown, cups on the end tables. When I was living here I had kept everything I owned in my room, only kept enough kitchen things for myself and a friend. Only had enough food for one person. I had left the music room closed, the shutters pulled down. The whole house collected dust except for the space I lived in. 

"Jessie get in here, don't be shy." Michael says as I walk into the kitchen the four of them plus Mali-Koa. She's blonde now, completely. Platinum locks of hair fall down her back, from the roots to the tips. It looks good on her.  

"Hey guys," I say timidly taking in the pointed look Mali gives me and the once over Luke does.

"Jess you lived here longer than we have, don't be uncomfortable." Michael walks over to me giving me a hug.

"You lived here?" Luke asks standing up. "When?" He moves to hug me but I side step, wrapping my arms around myself.

I look at him before moving to the coffee machine. "About ten months ago. I didn't have a place to stay when I first moved here so Ash offered this place."

"I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," I say a bit to harshly a little more bitter than what I wanted. I run my hand through my fingers and finish making my coffee. You agreed to this, Jessica, play nice.

" I'll start breakfast," Mali says walking over to me. I give her a weak smile.

"Hey," I breathe out looking at her.

"Hey yourself," she says. We stare at each other for a moment before she's giving me a smile and pulling me into a tight hug. We're giggling and trying to talk over each other as we cling together, its been too long since I've seen her. Thats when I realize they must have missed me just as much as I missed them. It had been wrong of me to cut off contact with her and Michael. Luke and Calum were a different sort of ache. 

"We need to catch up," I say letting go. I had been saying that too much in a twenty four hour span. 

"Yeah yeah, later though," Mali says starting to pull out eggs and juice.

I start helping unsure what to do. Eventually  Calum and Ashton make their way over. Ashton puts on music drumming on the pots and pans while Calum concentrates on chopping vegetables. Mali cooks omelets telling me how to cook bacon the right way. It feels like home again. The beach house feels like home. 

When I glance over at the table Luke is staring at me ignoring whatever Michael is telling him.

-

"Jessie?"

I continue staring at the navy duvet in front of me listening to Luke walk into the room.

"This the room I stayed in," I whisper fisting a portion of the duvet in my hand.

I feel rather then see Luke wrap his arms around my waist. I spin around his face inches away. I step away making him drop his arms.

"Why'd you stay in this room? Luke says eventually sitting on the bed.

I shrug sitting down next to him. "It was the closest room to the stairs. A four bedroom house is lonely when there's only one living in it. " I trace senseless patterns into the cloth trying to find a distraction so I wouldn't have to look at Luke. 

"Oh." He says nudging my shoulder with his. "How have you been?"

I shrug again. "Alright I guess, I freaking love it out here. The job isn't so bad either."

"You know you could've just stayed here and gotten a roommate. None of us would ever have kicked you out." Luke says grabbing my hands. "I hate to think of you struggling out over here without family." It hadn't just been my family I had been homesick for. I thought back to the second week of me living in this house, how I had gone into the music room gently brushing my fingers across their instruments. In my grief and anger and I had thrown my glass of water at the wall, letting it shatter. I had sunk onto the floor crying, falling asleep in there. In the morning I decided I would never go in there again and that I was moving out as soon as I could. 

"It wasn't much of a struggle, I used up my old scholarship money. I couldn't just free-load off you guys it wasn't right, especially when everybody wasn't talking to each other." I say lacing my finger with Luke's. It seemed right. "And you what have you been up to?"

Luke lets out a laugh before falling back onto the bed dragging me with him. "Nothing much, just running the business part of the our company I guess. I went to a therapist to vent and get out all my hatred and anger out, it felt good to get rid of the negativity and move on." 

"I'm glad you did," I say rubbing my thumb across his hand. "Its good that you sorted out your feelings." We sit in silence for what feels like hours but is only minutes, the sound of ocean waves coming through the window. 

"Jess?"

"Yeah?" 

"Where do we go from here?" I sit up, looking at Luke. 

"Don't give me that look," Luke mumbles sitting up. "I can see your thoughts spinning." 

"What are you getting at?" I say pushing the hair out of my face. 

"What are we?" Luke says reaching my hands again. I pull away but don't move off the bed. What are we? We've literally just met again. Yet I know him. I have known him, every good and bad part of him. I still left him. 

"I don't know Luke." 

"What do you mean 'I don't know'?" 

"I mean we were broken up for two years and now were here talking about what are we." I say finally standing up. Running away from my problems again. 

"Why'd you kiss me then?" Luke stands up too, hurt flashing in his eyes. I laugh ready to run out the door and call this a failure. No, thats what ended this the last time. 

"Because yeah, I still have feeling for you too Luke. I never really moved on either, most nights I wondered what you were doing but getting back together after literally spending one day together again is setting us up for failure again." I watch Luke take in the news, he nods and walks over to me pulling me into a hug. 

"You're right, but damnit we won't fail again," I feel his heartbeat next to mine and I nod, tucking my head on his shoulder. 

"Yeah, fuck it all." I look up at him to find his staring down at me, biting down on his bottom lip. Screw it, is the last thought I process before he lips meet mine again and I'm wrapping my arms around his neck tugging him closer. His hands press into my hips and I let myself tumble over the edge again. 

\--

"Luke! Jessie." I groan trying to block out the sound of Calum's yelling. I bury my head into Luke's shoulder breathing in the smell of his cologne. 

"Shh, if we're quiet he can't find us." I mumble stretching my legs. I feel Luke bring his hand to my back rubbing small circles in between my shoulder blades. 

"They're just going to walk in," Luke laughs pulling gently on my hair. He kisses my forehead once before yelling out, "In here Cal!" 

"You two have five seconds to put on clothes," Calum yells just as the door swings open, I throw a pillow at him hitting him right in the face. Luke and I start laughing as Calum pouts at us before slinging the pillow right back. 

"We've been napping thats all," I say innocently, tying my messy hair up into a bun. 

"Yeah, napping totally explains the love bites," Calum points at my neck, I just smirk.

"There was no sex, just kisses," Luke says rolling off the bed. "We're taking things slow." 

I snort standing up myself. "As slow as a cheetah." 

"Micheal wants to have bonding time with Jessie, get over yourselves and come down stairs." Luke rolls his eyes clutching my hand and all but dragging me out the door. 

According to Michael, bonding time meant a movie marathon of all the Star Wars movies. We all piled onto the couch, Ashton bringing over bowls of popcorn and chips. Calum brought over glasses of water, the movies tucked under his arm. I had noticed the lack of alcohol in the house, but didn't question in, just tucked myself closer into Luke's side and giving Ashton a pat on the leg as he sat down. Let them heal, I thought watching Calum pop in the movie, let them all heal. Calum wedged himself between his sister and Micheal and I lost myself to the movie.

 

I woke up at three in the morning. I looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the dark room and bright t.v. Mali's head was on my lap, the rest of her curled around my legs on the floor. Luke was sprawled between Ashton and Micheal, his head barely resting on my shoulder his legs on their laps. There were blankets covering us and a pilled wedged under Ashton's head, they way he slept made my own back hurt just looking at him. Carefully I re positioned Mali and Luke, getting out of the nest they had made on the couch.

I turned off the t.v and dashed back upstairs grabbing more blankets and pillows.

"Here let me help," Calum whispered, taking a few pillows and blankets.

"You scared me," I said falling into step next to him. He shrugged.

"Sorry, I was in the kitchen and heard you moving around." We stop talking as we near our friends and begin gently tucking more blankets around the boys and  draping one over Mali. Calum carefully puts a pillow under head, ruffling her hair. Then he puts one under Luke's making sure his neck won't twist. It leaves us at the edge of the nest. We could sleep in one of the rooms but that doesn't seem fair to the other.

 "Jessie?" Calum yawns as he lays next to Mali, using her thighs to prop up his pillow.

"Hmm?" I hum back laying on the other side of Mali, near her head. 

"I'm glad you decided to stay," Calum mutters reaching a hand out towards me. I take it and twine our fingers together giving him a small smile he probably can't see. "Now it really feels like home." He starts to snore softly and I take it as my cue to fall asleep, I curl tighter around Mali, Luke above me on the couch. The other two just as near, I fall asleep with Calum's hand still pressed in mine. 

 

Yeah, we were all finally home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry for abandoning this fic and its sequel! Between senior year and work and college stuff I just never had the time. Anyways.... there had been the sequel but its been so long from since I had updated that I have lost motivation for it. So I'll be taking down whatever is written of the sequel soon. I am finishing it all up by adding this chapter and maybe a second one just so the story finishes smoothly. Again sorry sorry! Much love you guys.


	24. A Quiet Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter, to fix the little things.

**December**

 

The beach house is quiet. I’m slowly moving my stuff back over here, the boys deciding to spend the summer and Christmas over here. So far I’m the only one in the house for the night, the boys having spent a day doing interviews and Mali had left just a couple hours ago after dinner.

I sat in the sand, a cup of wine in my hands. Breathing in the salt air I felt a lot calmer than I had in three years. This time around, this new adventure demanded quietness.

A knock at the back door pulls me from my thoughts. “Jessie?”

I don’t move, just tilt my head to the side. Calum would know what it meant. We hadn’t had a chance to talk since I got back with Luke. It was a talk long overdue. “Come and sit Cal, the stars are pretty.” Calum come and sits next to me, the engagement band twinkling. “I still can’t get used to that thing.” I say knocking my shoulders with his.

Calum lets out a quiet laugh. “Me neither. I think I always knew I would marry Michael. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.” Their wedding was in three months.

“You’re happy though, right?” I have to ask, not wanting Calum to doubt anything for even the smallest moment.

“Absolutely,” He nods, shifting sand through his fingers. We sit in silence for a few more moments. We were people of few words.

“The others?” I ask, usually if one was here there was another nearby if not all of them.

“Getting dinner, Mali drove me here. She said I needed to fix the last of things before they get forgotten,” Calum shifts uncomfortable. I look at his profile, he’s let his hair grow out leaving the curls he usually hid free. Everything felt more natural now, even Michael had stopped dying his hair. 

I stay quiet, trying to find my own words.

“Jessie I’m sorry I meddled in yours and Luke’s relationship. It really was the thing that ended it all,” Calum starts taking in a deep breath. “You were trying to help all of us and we twisted that into something bad. Especially me, you helped me with Michael and I destroyed your love. I don’t think I won’t ever feel bad for that.” Calum wipes his eyes and I pull him near me. I didn't want anymore tears but he needed to let them out.

“Shh,” I whisper. “We all did things to hurt each other.”

“I was mean to you, everyone else took to you quickly and I did too but I was just mean,” he whispers. “I was the first one you met and… and… damnit Jessie we should be the closest.”

“Well we are finally talking now,” I murmur against his hair. “We can start over.”

“Really? You can still stand to have me around?”

“Of course, we’re all family. Just promise me this Calum,” I wait until he faces me, cheeks still wet and every bit of an apology written on his face. “No more secrets, the band loves them but I want you to tell me everything. I wouldn’t be able to handle another shit storm, I need to trust you.”

“No more secrets,” Calum says smiling. After a moment he holds out his pinky, “I promise.”

We both laugh but I return the favor, wrapping my pinky around his. Now everything was falling into place. At that moment three Australians decided to burst through the back door holding different containers of take-out. I even spotted a box of Indian food for me.

“Lets eat you two!” Ashton calls setting plates around the table on the deck. The other two dump the containers on the table going to grab drinks. I drain my wine, we weren’t supposed to have alcohol around Ash, and hide the glass in the sand. I’ll get when everyone cleans up.

“Come on,” Calum helps me up and we make our way to the food as Luke and Michael bring water bottles and a jug of lemonade. I watch Michael plant kisses on Calum before I turn letting Luke capture my lips. Ashton makes noises in the background, but I know he’s talking to a blonde he met at a club. It won't be long now until we all meet her. 

I smile. Everything is working out okay.

 

 ------------------

One year later.

I gaze off at the sunset again, sitting in the sand shifting it between my fingers. We’re all at the beach house again for Christmas. A new tradition, as Ashton had declared just a week ago. I raise my glass of champagne in a silent toast. Tomorrow was Christmas.

“I still can’t get used to that thing,” Calum laughs, remembering a different conversation from a year ago. I look at my left hand, the gold band shining in the light and the diamond twinkling.

I laugh, “Me neither.”

“You happy Jess? Completely and absolutely happy?” Calum asks his eyebrows coming together. He wears a thicker band under his engagement ring now, a matching one on Michael’s.

“Of course I am, I couldn’t be any happier,” I laugh again, shoving Calum just the slightest. We were people of few words after all and my best friend was just looking out for me. I glance back at the dinner preparations going on inside. Luke pouring drinks the way I taught him, Michael attempting to butter bread while singing. Probably off key just to piss everyone off. Ashton is cooking alongside his girlfriend, the pretty blonde he had meet last year. I liked her, she would fit in nicely with the group. And Mali, cooking and icing a cake at the same time. I liked this tradition.

“After this tour,” Calum starts clearing his throat. “we were all thinking of taking another hiatus.”

“Really?” I raise an eyebrow

“Yeah.” Calum nods. “Michael and I were thinking about adopting, next year or around that time. Then its  yours and Luke’s wedding.” Our wedding was in six months. Time flew by fast. “You open your first restaurant in two, and trust me I bet Ashton pops the question for Bry’s birthday.”

“So you’re saying we kind of need this break,” I laugh. There were so many things happening next year, so little time. “You sure you and Mikey can handle a kid?”

“Yep. We can handle a kid.”

“And you two are hoping for—“

“A girl, we want a girl,” Calum finishes for me, flashing me a bright smile. Something tells me they’re already filling out forms. I nod and we continue to sit in silence the last bit of sun slipping down below the ocean.

“You two! Dinner’s ready,” Mali calls from the door already lugging out plates and silverware to the much bigger table Luke had bought a few weeks ago. We both laugh and follow up the stairs. Luke comes out with the roast, Michael following with the sides. Ashton comes next with bread rolls and a pan full of rice.

We go inside and grab whatever’s left, the cake and drinks. Champagne and red wine, Ashton is allowed one drink. “You know I like your natural hair color.” Calum comments as we walk out the door our friends and lovers already sitting and fighting for the bread.

“Thanks,” I say, running a hand through the now dark brown curls. “I like it too.”

“Come on!” Michael groans. “You two always deep in thought.”

I smile and sit. I finger the necklace Luke gave me so many years ago. Everything worked out okay.

I was home. We were all home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this fic. I feel good finally finishing it up properly.  
> find me on tumblr at : 75-jetblckheart.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Soo.... this is my first time posting to this sight, I have written before so constructive criticism on this story would be nice.  
> Enjoy :) erm updates will be once a week since i have about 7 chapters written already.


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